VirtualLight

The Hackers of Silicon Valley

2011-11-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

CHARACTERS

ARIEL        A twenty year old graphic design artist working for Apple computers. She lives with Jason and is the girlfriend of Brian and Joe. Ariel is into new age beliefs and is shy.

JASON    A twenty three year old code debugger, working for Apple computers with Ariel. He is logical, calm, trustworthy, and a good person.

ROGER    A forty year old cybercrime detective. He is the detective who is searching for the hacker of Ariel and Jason’s computers. He is very talented and comes from an Arab background.

BRIAN    A twenty five year old former cyber criminal, who is very honest and has seen the error of his ways. He is Ariel’s boyfriend and is a warm and positive person.

JOE    A twenty year old cyber criminal, who has violent ideations. He is the antagonist named ‘TheFalcon’ online. He has hacked computers in the past, but has never been caught.

SETTING

The play is set in an Apple computer programmers’ house in Eastern San Jose, Alba Court. In their house are three desktop computers on the south wall, with one laptop for Ariel. Towards the north wall and middle of the room are sleeping bags. There is a window on the east wall, which faces the audience. There is no west wall, as the room has only three walls and is open to view by the audience. The other setting for the play is in the Apple computers campus in South San Jose, which is the same room as the share house.

SCENE 1

ARIEL

What’s up, Jason? How are you crystal jock? You know we only have 30 days left before the deadline for the visualiser project.

JASON

Hi, Ariel. I’m just going through the code to find any errors you may have missed. Making the world’s first music visualiser, which transfers sound into images is bloody hard work. Especially, the debugging phase is very draining. You know I’ve looked through three hundred pages of code in the last 24 hours. I haven’t slept since the night before last.

ARIEL (sits down on her laptop to the left of JASON)

Do you like the graphics? They’re kind of cool, don’t you think? I mean I was going for a psych feel to it. Are you happy with that?

JASON

I don’t really like the psych stuff. I think that a futuristic cyberpunk layout would be better. As the prime code debugger I need something simplistic, which can be coded easily. A psych look will just complicate the coding process further.

ARIEL

I guess the psych look comes from my interest in black magic, the big dark, and wacky things like that. Would you mind if you gave me a joint, Jason?

(JASON hands ARIEL a joint of marijuana.)

JASON

Well, black magic might be your forte, but I really think that it’s all crap really.

ARIEL

Well, look who’s smoking. I haven’t even taken a puff and you’re calling me delusional.

JASON

Calm down, Ariel. I’m sick of your defensive attitude. That’s all I’ve been getting from you this last week. I might go to bed. It’s already eleven.

ARIEL

I’ll chat a bit on my laptop with the guys from Microsoft.

JASON

Goodnight, Ariel. Just keep the noise down.

(ARIEL starts chatting on the computer on an alt.yahoo.newsgroup briefly, which comes up on the multimedia screen above the east wall and goes to bed. The two wake up in the morning, with JASON starting his computer.)

JASON (sitting down on his computer on the south wall and checking his project)

Hey, Ariel. Do you know where the data is? I can’t seem to find the project. Do you have a copy?

ARIEL (grabs her laptop and sitting on a sleeping bag, legs sprawled)

No, I can’t seem to find it either.

(JASON looks through the logs on ARIEL’s computer.)

JASON

Who on Earth is ‘TheFalcon’? He said he was going to delete our files. You even joked with him about it. Look here he says: ‘Your coding is a pile of crap. I’m going to delete it, so Apple can die. I’m even going to kill Bill Gates while I’m at it.’ And you go: ‘Lol. I dare you to actually do it.’

(The conversation comes up on a multimedia screen at the top of the east wall.)

ARIEL

I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jason.

JASON

What are you playing at? Did you delete the files? No one else had access to it last night.

ARIEL

Why would you accuse me of such a thing? It’s my work as well.

JASON

Why did you talk to such a psychopath? He joked about killing Bill Gates. Is he your boyfriend or something?

(ARIEL collapses to the floor on her purple sleeping bag and curls up in a ball, while crying hysterically.)

ARIEL

I’m so sorry. I would never delete our files. You know I wouldn’t.

JASON

I better call the police and report it. I don’t know for sure if you did it, Ariel. But, I think it probably would be someone working for Microsoft. ‘TheFalcon’ guy seems pretty suspect and disturbed. We need to alert our boss and the police to find the perpetrator.

(JASON calls the San Jose police department on a landline phone and asks to talk to a cybercrime detective. JASON paces the room as he waits for an answer.)

ROGER (positioned on the other side of the south wall, sitting on a chair with an old school telephone)

Hi, I’m Roger. I’m the chief cybercrime detective for San Jose police. What’s up?

JASON

Hi, Roger. Me and my friends are working for Apple computers in Silicon Valley. Last night someone deleted our work. The only person we suspect was a man or woman named, ‘TheFalcon.’ They joked with our friend Ariel about deleting our work and killing Bill Gates. We need to know who was on the server at the time and if they have a history of cybercrime?

ROGER

Sure. First, I’ll use AltaVista to find if ‘TheFalcon’ is on any sites online.

(Sound of clicking on a keyboard, as the multimedia screen shows the search engine.)

ROGER (cont.)

I can’t find any info on this guy. I’ll check who was on the Apple server last night and crosscheck that with the cybercrime database.

(Sound of clicking on a keyboard. The database comes up on the multimedia screen.)

ROGER (cont.)

We have a match. A man named Brian Dilloway was on the server last night. He has a history of framing twelve Apple employees for theft, by stealing their credit card details in 1991. He is twenty five years old and has been on a good behaviour bond for the past two years. We need to interview him at the Apple campus.

JASON

Alright. I’ll drive over there in my car and meet you in half an hour.

ROGER

Goodbye.

(JASON hangs up the phone and gets into his Mazda 626 Car to drive to the Apple campus. The car is on stage to the right of the room and is made of cardboard.)

END OF SCENE 1

SCENE 2

ARIEL

What do I do, Brian? You’re in trouble now for being on the server. I know that Joe is the ‘TheFalcon’ and the hacker. He’s paranoid, delusional, and psychotic. I’m really worried that Joe will beat me up if I tell the police the truth. He beats me with his fists at the slightest misunderstanding. I can’t just break off our friendship cold turkey. I prefer you Brian, but if he finds out I’ll be in real trouble. If I don’t give them the info you might have to go back to jail. I’m even a suspect now for chatting with him online. I think I need to tell the police what’s going on. When you get interviewed Brian maybe you can tell them? Do you want to head off for the East coast of America and go into a witness protection program, so he can’t track us down? There are computer companies in Florida, who can take us on. But you know, I don’t want to bone out. If Joe gets caught he’ll fly into a psychotic rage. I don’t want to die or lose my job by being involved with him. I’m only twenty two and if I get framed I’ll be in jail. My Bachelor of IT will be worth nothing. I’ll lose my graphic design job or Joe will kill me. Please, can you help me Brian?

END OF SCENE 2

SCENE 3

ROGER

Hi, Brian. Are you aware that the Apple server was hacked into last night? Jason and his friends lost all their programming data. You have a history of hacking computers and are still on a good behaviour bond. Do you admit guilt or have any info regarding the hacking?

BRIAN (turns his head around to respond)

No, I do not admit guilt. At the time of the hacking I was on the server at my parents’ house in North San Jose, but it was on idle. My mother Belinda and my father Bruce can vouch for my location. I do have information about who the hacker is. I think the man who committed the crime is Joe Stolwitz. I have witnessed him joking online about sabotaging programmers’ work and killing Bill Gates under the username, ‘TheFalcon.’ I’ve seen him on the alt.yahoo.newsgroup late at night. That man is like a tin of fermented sardines. You can’t trust him, he’ll just stab you in the back if you get close.

(ARIEL enters the computer room and puts her arm around BRIAN’s shoulder and takes a seat next to Brian on her laptop.)

ARIEL

Why are you interviewing my boyfriend, Brian? I can’t believe that you think he is the hacker.

ROGER

Ariel, we are interviewing him because he is a suspect. I heard from Jason that you chatted with ‘TheFalcon’ at the time of the crime. Brian has just revealed that he believes that ‘TheFalcon’ is the hacker. Can you support his claim?

    (ARIEL is silent for 15 seconds.)

JASON (standing beside ROGER)

I think that Ariel knows something about this that she isn’t letting on. She isn’t answering your questions. She was on the chat with ‘TheFalcon’ and basically egged him on.

ARIEL

Sure, I egged him on. But I don’t know who he or she is. To destroy my work would be kamikaze suicide. I would never do such a thing.

BRIAN

I don’t think that Ariel had anything to do with it. She actually confirmed my suspicion that Joe is guilty in a conversation earlier.

ARIEL

I didn’t confirm your suspicion, Brian. I don’t know why you would say that.

BRIAN

I still believe that Stolwitz is the man. He’s very aggressive and disturbed. I suspect that this case will end in violence on his part. Me and Ariel need protection from this man. Perhaps you can provide us with security, Roger.

ROGER

I understand your concern, Brian. But, we need to investigate both you and Stolwitz first. If Ariel can confirm this information, we may be able to secure an arrest and give you protection if needed.

(A young man enters the room and stares down BRIAN.)

BRIAN

That guy is the hacker! It’s ‘TheFalcon.’

(ROGER brings out his taser gun and points it at Joe, ready to tackle him while listening intently.)

JOE (talking animatedly with his hands)

Brian, get the hell away from my girlfriend!

BRIAN (points aggressively at JOE and his hand shakes a little bit)

She isn’t your girlfriend. You’ve ruined her life. You’ve been cheating on me with Ariel. She told me what you were up to on the server. What have you got to say for yourself, scumbag?

JOE

Ariel isn’t your girlfriend. Brian, you take the high moral ground, but essentially I’ve done nothing wrong. I did joke about killing Bill Gates, but I haven’t acted on any of my threats.

ARIEL (gesturing to her chest)

I need to get something off my chest. Roger, Joe is the hacker. I’ve been concealing his identity, because he’s my boyfriend. I don’t want anything to do with him ever again. Joe, you stole my friend’s lives. I thought I would hide and protect you out of love, but now I realise that you are scum.

JOE (in tears)

I thought you were my friend, Ariel. You guys are framing me for a crime I didn’t commit. You’ve both betrayed my trust and will pay for it.

ROGER

So you are the hacker of the Apple server? I have grounds for your arrest.

(ROGER tackles JOE and tries to handcuff him. JOE escapes his grip and punches at BRIAN. BRIAN punches back, but ROGER gets on top of him and manages to get the handcuffs on JOE, who is screaming.)

JOE

I’ll get you, Brian! This isn’t the last you’ll see of me, scumbag.

BRIAN (laying of the floor and injured)

You get what you deserve pig. Joe, Ariel is never for you.

JOE

I’ve got friends who’ll hurt you dude. I know people who will pay you back.

ARIEL (screaming and pointing at JOE)

Just shut up Joe! I don’t want you anymore.

(ROGER leads JOE out of the room.)

JASON

I’m really sorry, Ariel. I shouldn’t have doubted you.

(JASON pats ARIEL on the head as she cries.)

JASON (cont.)

Brian, are you okay dude?

BRIAN

No, I feel sick. I think I need to go to the hospital.

JASON

We’ll head off there now. Ariel, you look really sick and in shock. I think you should come with us.

ARIEL

I’m so sorry, Jason. It’s all my fault.

JASON

It isn’t your fault, Ariel. C’mon, we need to go off to the hospital.

(JASON helps ARIEL and BRIAN to walk off stage as they come out of the dark oppression of the computer room.)

END OF SCENE 3

2011-11-14T17:19:00.000-08:00

A PEASANT GIRL

My name is Jelena I work as an artisan potter making plates and food utensils for Mont-Michel the lord of Villedieu-les-poeles my husband is named Daemon and he also works with me I toiled all Thursday at the pottery work my hands grew weary and my thoughts were weighed down with bricks as I walked home in Villedieu-les-poeles I felt an eerie sense of being catenated I looked around behind me only to see a couple of knights on horses heading off to bloodshed between France and England my footsteps made little splashing noises as I held my hand around Daemon’s shoulder we were soul mates met in the industrial artisan workshop I only got paid twenty livre per week and was headed off to the butcher to buy some cheap sausage meat me and Daemon ambled towards the west end of Villedieu-les-poeles to find the markets on a Thursday night bestirring with knights peasants noblemen women children and men I looked at the meat wrapped up on the table it looked dark red and piquant I had an urge to eat it although I knew that meat in this town has a reputation of making people sick I bought some sausage meat for two livre walked off down the lane-way to the south of the town we arrived home to find my brother convalescent vomiting up in the basin I patted Alfred on the head told him you’ll be fine lad just take a rest after he stopped it was the time of night to beg for money so I got a little crate which was made from wood and had mud stains placed it upon the floor outside the mud hut I looked into the eyes of those who passed and could see a vast destitution in them they looked sad and disconnected I pleaded with them both with my body and with my tone of voice leaning forward my countenance depressed and looking hungry and poor please I am sick and poor and need a little assistance it wasn’t yielding a result so I cuddled up in bed with Daemon tried to forget that I was just a little artisan peasant in a dream I could feel myself on a horse its trunk under my thighs I was galloping along a white sandy beach east of Normandy bordering the Atlantic Ocean I got off the horse and strode into my thatched wood hut the spray of the salty sea wafted against my face the tide came in at 3pm and flooded the floor of the hut which was just wood planks placed over grass and weeds I woke up felt the meat coming up my throat a tide of irrational anger and unhappiness filled my heart as I heaved into a wooden container which I had made for myself Daemon woke up heard me said you’ll be fine dear you’ve gone through hell in this town I thought of the dream wished I could be inside it watching the silvery Atlantic Ocean reflecting the sun as it passed through the overcast clouds illuminating my meaning and history.

TUNDRA

I hiked along on the trail on my father’s map out at the base of Bald Mountain which looked like a big bath plug on top of the expansive grassy tundra with the blue of the Rockies in the distance of the valley my eyes got sick of the luminous sunlight which bore down on my cheeks like a hot rod roasting the back side of a pig there were buffalo up ahead I was wading across a swamp my trousers getting wetter every second the stench of a dead elk that flies are feasting on came into my nostrils and made me think of the stench of dishabille bathrooms back in my apartment complex in Northern California the Indians used to possess this land before the scum imperialistic project got underway and killed my family members my father Kaga my mother Talulah my twin brother Tahkeome I am Elsul the only one left I gazed across the vast plane and felt high like a little boy taking acid for the first time I climbed out of the swamp and felt relived I prized open my backpack to find a cigarette and lighter which I puffed on I have no-one with me but the dead spirits of my forefathers I took a nap and thought about the last time I made it to the top of Bald Mountain perched on the top with my hands shaking like a musician shaking a lemon I am in the south of Idaho the vegetation still intact I try to keep my mind open so that we Indians can change history to resurrect the dead culture of my ghostly friends time is amaranthine my friend I found a wise Indian out here in the forenoon little black marks under his eyes his skin brown as a dusky patch of grass when I slept that night I dreamt of my ancestors who know that I am one with them and this land I felt the grass on my toes and underarms I got up hiked off in the forenoon in a new expanse of time my thoughts stretched on like the scenic view which mirrors my emotions through time.

THE REFLECTED EGO

Ben looked into the silvery mirror in his families flat in Burnside Nambour he could perceive a double in his vision he felt like he wasn’t the person in the mirror the reflection reminded him of his double sexuality both male and female manifested in his genes like Freud had described in his book the interpretation of dreams the image was lucid as an expensive wine glass after being washed up it reminded him of his reflection he had seen in the water when he travelled to Lake Titicaca his father Dimitry a Russian worked on Archaeology out there with his boss Brian McMay the image in the mirror was the passage of time flowing forth and back in every direction like the scopic River Nile which helped to feed the Egyptians back in Cleopatras’ rein a spider crawled up Ben’s leg and he gesticulated spider! help! he was only fifteen his mother Nicole entered the room gazed at Ben in the reflection which reflected her dual ego she told Ben keep still son wipe it off your legs Ben was morphing into a light shade of blue passed out onto the floor where he laid still as a gravestone Nicole killed the spider with a fly swatter disposed of it in the bin she looked into mirror and saw Ben passed out saw her ego reflected in his face Dimitry came in looked shocked like an Indian seeing the first ship of the English imperial mandate and kissed his wife cuddled her he said great work but master Ben is passed out you okay son? Nicole was in a bad mood felt her antipathy towards her husband Dimitry mirrored and reflected in his deep blue eyes Ben woke up in a cold sweat and said to Nicole is the spider dead? she showed him the corpse of the spider laid in the bin it was still twitching a little when it looked in the opal like image in the mirror it thought that the spider on the other side was real and it was not isolated the spider thought these humans are evil my arachnid family will get revenge and sting every human we can find Ben’s sister came into the room with her blonde hair cute spaced out fixed stare and gazed at the spider was very afraid she said I hate spiders can you make me a Milo mum.

FRANZ KAFKA

Franz Kafka typed away all night on his novel about a man who travelled into a small village in order to infiltrate a castle he wanted to transform life into a dream he looked at a glass of beer on a table felt uncertain that it was solid all the philistines who drank beer wouldn’t think someone was in their right mind if they thought this Kafka believed that the first truth about reality is that it appeared surreal the universe was the invention of a genius playwright he could do anything with writing expand a river travel to the end of the universe imagination transformed into action a shadow which made no noise followed him around everywhere he went haunting him spurring him on to write when he was five years old when all the dumplings scrambled eggs laid in their own oily juices on his plate he shouted like a maniac angry that he was trapped inside a web of bureaucracy unable to escape the dreadful tedium which was life on earth if he didn’t have a limb or only existed inside a plastic bubble that would not be as bad as his eternal incoherent thoughts imperfect Franz wrote constantly not doing anything but writing for exaltation it was a tide of water filling up a shipwreck at noon if he lifted his hand from the page the story would lose its flow poignancy and subtle nuances the night came later and later until it was morning a maid came across him hunched over his eyes into the paper a bit of black ink from his pen muddied his nose the maid asked why do you write so much young Franz he replied so I can describe the axioms that flow like an eternal stream he felt that every night writing for six to eight hours in the deadness of a cavity of brilliance that he was like Goethe the creator made use of his hand it wasn’t directed by him but by the vibrating string energies which made up the universe he abolished all his needs to complete his life’s pilgrimage to get a novel published it was like Nicolas Flamel up in a church tower chanting incantations trying to find the elixir of life to turn youth into eternity iron into gold if he stopped writing it was like he being ashore on a desert island with nothing but the clean white sands the time flowing between millennia a seagull grabbed a grain of sand and flew off its offspring a millennia later found that sand and carried it on Franz fell asleep one Wednesday morning his face stained with ink a line of prose he had written which the maid read ‘but it did not matter to K. whether it was certainly her anyway, he just became suddenly aware that there was no point in his resistance’ Franz woke up an hour later sweaty from insomnia and deciphered what he had written he realised that resisting against the gift he had obtained was futile he would swim to the depth of an underground cavern to complete a true work of literature the illness would follow him but he couldn’t turn back no he needed it to feel alive.

MAX’S MEMORIES

Max thought back to when he was a kid of how he bathed with his friends Mark Amy and Jules in the water which was shallow he said come on Jules jump off the rock into the deeper part of the water when you land I will give you a score and we can see if we can defeat each other Max thought about this recollection and realized how mature he was when he was ten years old to put that much thought into things he reminisced about when he was fifteen he persuaded someone older a man with a black mustache to buy him some cigars he took his first puff in a movie theatre watching the matrix with his high school companions James and John James said to him easy to get cigarettes man you want to come down to Ann Street beach and catch some gnarly waves dude he replied sure man whatever they rode down the main street of Currimundi through the beachside track which was hidden by Gewurztraminer vines and little shrubs they rang their bells on their Malvern Star bikes at pretty girls who rode by one looked about twenty-one wore an elegant flowery green dress with a checked skirt she had dirty blonde hair waved at them casted upon them her smile she liked cute boys thought it would be good to have a shag with them but they were underage they got to the beach the waves were about one and a half metres a little rip was near to where the creek met the ocean it was an excellent spot to swim out on his Mike Stewart bodyboard James had a Wingnut board which had a little fin underneath it that assisted him to get into tubes it was mid-June and very cold they paddled like builders working on the Eiffel Tower lived blissfully in the moment Max looked across at the beach which was planate on a grey October morning he lifted his cap and dislodged it at his feet his wife Melanie gazed into his eyes and said you pondering something Max you kinda have that sentimental gaze you get when in reverie Max kissed her on her lips whispered into her ear you want to do it tonight she nodded and blushed they had only been together for three years Max looked out to the ocean and saw a meager sailing boat which had white sails and a blue finish he thought about how his life distended onto the horizon where the ships and men that founded Australia in the 18th century had toiled to colonize the land his life epitomized their same concerns same thoughts maybe there isn’t much difference from a peasant in France a sailor on the Pacific Ocean and me as I sat here and thought about my history.

Extensive scientific article on psychiatric medication

2011-11-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

http://www.ahrp.org/risks/biblio0100.php

Theatre Essay

2011-10-05T21:07:00.000-07:00

ANALYSIS OF POLITICAL AND ABSURDIST THEATRE

‘Accidental Death of an Anarchist’ is based on the death of an anarchist, who was held in custody after the bombing of a bank in Milan. The play ‘Accidental Death of an Anarchist’ fits under the genre of political theatre and takes influences from absurdist theatre in its comedy. It is influenced by the political situation of Italy in the 1960s, including the terrorism of the fascists and political playwrights throughout history, including Grotowski and Brecht, as well as the movement of ‘The Theatre of the Absurd.’ In this essay the genre of political theatre will be examined, taking quotations from ‘Accidental Death’ to analyse the leftist movement. Firstly the origin of political plays and theatre will be analysed, then political and absurdist theatre will be analysed, and finally the overall purpose of the political absurdist movement will be examined. Readings from Freedman, Marvin, and Gilbert, as well the book, ‘The Theatre of the Absurd’ and online sources will be used to support this essay’s argument.

Theatre is exegetical, because it takes influence from the postmodern discourse of the presence of comedic and ideological actors (Freedman, 1991). Theatre is inherently practical, because the development of a play needs to be thought through in terms of logistical concerns, thus it is applicable to civilization (Freedman, 1991). The actors in political plays present an original story and act as a signifier for the culture that they are performing for (Freedman, 1991). Through the use of 20th century philosophy, such as deconstruction, which is present in political plays, the imperfect is put in the place over mastery in theatre, in that we have knowledge that playwriting evolves over time and influences us and itself, thereby reflecting the flawed nature of the totality of society (Freedman, 1991).

‘Accidental Death’s’ meaning is influenced by socialisation, the movements which came before it, and the interpretation the audience (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 19). Theatre has its genesis in pre-modern society, where it was performed in taverns, open spaces, markets, churches, and in private houses (Marvin, 1999). Theatre is a dualist way of representing the world, with this duality existing between the audience and the actors (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 45). In particular, the historical movement of Commedia dell’arte performance in Italy gave birth to latter forms of theatre, such as Avant-Garde theatre, which was spontaneous, focusing on tangible aspects of theatre and influenced Fo’s plays (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 19). As well, the theatre of Agit Prop was an early form of political theatre, which affected Fo’s leftist and libertarian theatre, as well as the political plays by Brecht, Grotowski, and Artaud (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 22). The actors, in particular Andreini and Canali in the sixteenth century also provided inspiration for latter actors/directors, who include Dario Fo. Moreover, the play was linked to a particular political and social context and was influenced by the role of Fo as an actor (Fitzpatrick, 1993, p. 3). Many qualities of Fo’s theatre, which came from these earlier forms include, the portrayal of unconventional characters, incongruous contrasts, humour, satire, and open-ended plot. Moreover, the theatre of Fo is absurdist, political, and grounded in the avant-garde, which is its genesis.

The death of the anarchist in ‘Accidental Death’ was portrayed by the police as a suicide, however, most of the Italian population believed that the authorities caused the death (Gale, 2006). There are many contradictions in the story told by the police in ‘Accidental Death’, such as whether the anarchist jumped from the second or fourth floor, which displays the contradiction and unreliable nature of positions of authority (Fo, 1970). The play positions authorities as corrupt and the government as being part of this corruption. An example of the fool critiquing political corruption is the following line: Fool: ‘My clinical report . . . prescription list . . . hey, here's my criminal citation! Oh well, let's tear it up. Out of sight, out of mind. Hm, wonder who this citation is for (reads) “Armed robbery"’ (Fo, 1970, p. 12). This line shows the rebellion of the Italian left towards authority and displays the revolutionary nature of the left in the 1960s in Italy (Gale, 2006). The ideology of political theatre was the relationship between realist and tangential fantasies, which were embedded in the Italian theater of the 1960s. In particular the theatre of Fo presents itself in a different historical context from the political theater, which came before it (Baz, 1992). By the fool infiltrating police headquarters, the play satires the infiltration of anarchist groups by police in the 1960s (Gale, 2006). Later on the play was recognised by the elite in the 1970s and therefore Fo’s political ideals infiltrated the higher level of society by this time.

The fact that theatre is a oral medium makes it ideal for propaganda from leftist groups and anarchists, which is demonstrated in ‘Accidental Death.’ The political analysis of theatre is grounded in language, bureaucracy, and culture (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 32). The silence of the politically oppressed can have a political effect by constructing its humanist nature, which includes the silence of anarchists in ‘Accidental Death’ (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 30). The message from subjugated leftist groups to the authorities is demonstrated by the absurdity of the following line by the fool: ‘[trained in law] In mental hospitals! You have no idea how well one can study in there! There was a paranoid court reporter who coached me’ (Fo, 1970, p. 7). This line shows that anyone can have an opinion of political matters, even laymen, thereby this line empowers the left. An example of the growing political power of the left in Italian society is that the inspector starts to take the fool more seriously in the following part of the play, where the Fool claims that the inspector had used the wrong punctuation, which positioned him as imitating a professor, in the following title (Fo, 1970, p. 5): ‘Former Professor from the University?’
SUSPECT. Didn't you see the comma after “The Former"?
INSPECTOR. Oh yes, there is a comma. You're right, I hadn't noticed.
The anarchist subculture in the 1960s used theatre as a means of spreading their ambitious libertarianism and inverted the law of the fascist culture, by parodying it in a satire.

Revolutionaries posit that to cause real changes there must be a dismantling of the whole society rather than reform (Gale, 2006). A quote by the Maniac highlights this libertarian approach: ‘Let the scandal come, because on the basis of that scandal a more durable power of the state will be founded!' (Gale, 2006). Fo in the play used actual inquest and police documents to lend credibility and realism to his play (Gale, 2006). In particular the play responded to actual events in Italy, including the working class struggle in 1969, which was caused by low pay and long hours for workers, and led to the demonstration of October 15th, the plantation of bombs in Italy by totalitarian groups, and the drive of the fascists to create a right-wing state (Behan, 2000, p. 64) (Gale, 2006). These conditions led to the striking of many workers and the flourishing of the left (Gale, 2006). During the period in which Fo was writing, Italian society was in a state of unrest, with the right-wing government doubting their ability to stay in charge (Gale, 2006). The Maniac character is used to undermine the trickery of this right-wing government and to appeal to the audience that the unrest was caused not by workers, but by fascists.

‘Accidental Death’ has its power through the use of contradiction, irony, and lush use of language. For example (Fo, 1970, p. 10):
SUSPECT: What floor are we on? Fourth? Well, it's almost standard practice: I'll jump! I'll jump and when I'm lying down there dying, splattered all over the pavement and giving the death-rattle. . . .. . I'll look up and say - it was him, the inspector!
Through the individuation and idealism of theatre such as ‘Accidental Death’, it constructs a important political stance. Esslin (1969, p. 4) posited that the playwrights of this kind of political theatre were outsiders and introverts and were influenced by the poetic avant-garde, therefore they used poetic speech and devaluated language (Esslin, 1969, p. 7). The fictional character of the Maniac (also called the Fool) posited the government went too far in demonizing the left through its violent actions. Overall, the theatre of Fo is entertaining and used unconventionally morality to make its point clear, which makes it such a key work of 20th century playwriting (Brecht, 1948).

‘Absurd is that which if devoid of purpose...cut off from his religious, metaphysical, and transcendental roots’ (Esslin, 1969, p. 5). The theatre of Fo is absurdist, political, and grounded in the avant-garde, which is its genesis (use example). This genesis has a link to ‘The Theatre of the Absurd,’ which was a term coined by Martin Esslin in the 1950s and 1960s and had its origin in 1940s France and referred to outsider and comedic plays (Culík, 2000). Absurdist’s’ often used intuition and foresight in their writing, using rationality in order to respond to the world in a unique way (Esslin, 1969, p. 6). ‘The Theatre of the Absurd’ was a reaction to the religious component of the fascist period. The meaning of plays, which fit into this category are confusing and bewildering, because they make use of comedy, lack of plot, and paradoxically, development of characters personalities (Esslin, 1969, p. 3). An example of this comedy and absurdity is that at one point the inspector takes out a Chinese abacus to make a calculation, which is a throwback to ancient political strife (Fo, 1970, p. 2). Moreover, an example of the bewildering nature of ‘Accidental Death’ is the following quotation of the suspect, which displays the fool’s flippant nature: ‘See, I can't stop myself from playing roles - and as you can tell I've already developed a rather rich repertory’ (Fo, 1970). Overall, the position of absurdist plays is that the universe is nihilistic, as depicted by the former quote, therefore the anarchistic nature of reality is performed with contradictive logic and ends in silence (Culík, 2000).

There is a lot of contradiction used in ‘Accidental Death’, which is used to satire the authorities in Italy. There is often a contrast of emotion in absurdist plays, with acting being at odds with the setting or societal image (Culík, 2000). Plays like ‘Accidental Death’ seek to restore to us mythology and ceremony, bringing our emotions back to the primeval period on Earth (Conway-Herron, 2011, p. 18). Fo’s, ‘Accidental Death’, was influenced by the absurd in its use of surprise and absurdist comedy, with the Fool making fun of the Italian society’s right-wing nature. An example of this flippant and absurd comedy is the following quote: ‘You didn't hurt your hand? Then how come you're massaging it? Just like that, to make an interesting impression? Some sort of nervous tic?’ (Fo, 1970, p. 17). Fo’s play assaulted the contradictory language of plays from earlier periods and positioned the language of bureaucracy as insane (Culík, 2000). Although Fo’s play was very rational in its assault on rightist bureaucracy, it brings us to an oneness with primeval and emotional states and presents the elite and police as illogical and inherently superficial.

‘Accidental Death’ empowers the left through the use of language in a particular context and the inversion of discursive formations. In ‘Accidental Death’ Fo makes reference to historical information, but actually makes up the sources, which is a contradiction evident in political theatre. In particular the language of right-wing parties did not negotiate truth and proceeded from the power lexus in society, thereby marginalizing the left (Gilbert, Gilbert & Joanne, 1996) (Scuderi, 2003). Language are systems which can oppress people, but also change over time through the influence of the working class, which is what Fo has aimed to do with ‘Accidental Death’ (Gilbert, Gilbert & Joanne, 1996). Fo’s play gave language back to the workers and thereby gave them dignity and individualism (Gilbert, Gilbert & Joanne, 1996) (Scuderi, 2003). An example of this is when the Fool claims that the authorities couldn’t prove that the anarchist committed suicide. For example, with the raptus meaning a severely suicidal state (Fo, 1970, p. 39):
FOOL: All right. The suicide took place at midnight and the fairytale session at eight. So where do we stand with the raptus? After all, barring contrary evidence, your entire version of the suicide is based on that raptus.
His play is good balance between high and low pleasure, with ‘Accidental Death’ making use of strange speech as humour, but also deep political satire (Brecht, 1948).

‘Accidental Death’ was a popular play in the 20th century, because the play was critical of fascism, thus appealing to the working class of Italy. The play drew influences from movements and playwrights who came before it including, ‘The Theatre of the Absurd’ in its comedy and use of contradiction and Grotowski and Brecht. The political stance of the play is that reform would not cause lasting change in society and political revolution was paramount. As well, the play acted as a signifier for political corruption and was a reflection of the society of Italy in the 1960s. Overall, ‘Accidental Death’ is a key example of political playwriting in the 20th century, because it was influenced by its social role and constructed the left as a humane movement, thus seeking to empower the Italian public through political satire.

REFERENCES

Behan, T. 2000, Dario Fo: Revolutionary Theatre, Pluto Press, Great Britain, London.

Baz, K. (1992), ‘Carnival, Agit Prop, Celebratory Protest’, The Politics of Performance: Radical Theatre as Cultural Intervention, London and New York: Routledge.

Brecht, B. (1948), ‘A Short Organum for the Theatre’, Cole, Toby (ed) (1961), Playwrights on Playwriting: The Meaning and Making of Modern Drama from Ibsen to Ionesco, New York: Hill and Wang, pp. 72–105.

Conway-Herron, J. 2011, Study Guide: Writing for Performance, Lismore, Southern Cross University.

Culík, J. 2000, University of Glasgow (online), The Theatre of the Absurd, http://www.arts.gla.ac.uk/Slavonic/Absurd.htm [Accessed 31 July 2011].

Esslin, M. 1969, The Theatre of the Absurd, The Overlook Press, Woodstock, New York.

Fitzpatrick, T, Sawczac, K. 1993, Accidental Death of a Translator, University of Sydney, Sydney.

Freedman, Barbara. (1991), ‘A Fractured Gaze: Theatre, Cinema, Psychoanalysis’, Staging the Gaze, New York: Cornell Press, pp. 47–77.

Gale, T. (2006), Novel Guide (online), Accidental Death of an Anarchist, http://www.novelguide.com/a/discover/dfs_0000_0023_0/dfs_0000_0023_0_00012.html [Accessed 9 Aug 2011].

Gilbert, H, Gilbert, T, Tompkins, J. (1996), ‘The Languages of Resistance’, Post-Colonial Drama: Theory, Practice and Politics, London and New York: Routledge, pp. 164–202.

Username: litteacher8. 2010, Enotes.com (online), Accidental Death of an Anarchist, http://www.enotes.com/accidental-death-an-anarchist [Accessed 5 Aug 2011].

Marvin, C. (1999), ‘Performance in its Historical Context’, Performance: A Critical Introduction, London & New York: Routledge, pp. 79–99, 208–210.

Scuderi, A. 2003, Unmasking the Holy Jester Dario Fo, Theatre Journal, vol. 55, no. 2, pp. 275-290.

Antisocial Personality Disorder Essay

2011-10-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

The etiology of antisocial personality disorder and relationship of this personality disorder to the concept of psychopathy


    It has been long debated what causes people to commit horrible crimes and what relationship those crimes have with mental illness. Antisocial Personality Disorder and psychopathy being argued in criminal proceedings to be a cause of delinquency or possibly as a result of people making choices to behave in an abhorrent way. The two disorders overlap, with ASPD being defined as psychopathic personality disorder in earlier editions of the DSM, with the current DSM-IV definition focusing on behaviour for Antisocial Personality Disorder and character traits for psychopathy (Ogloff, 2006). Psychology: Themes and Variations by Weiten, Abnormal Psychology by Barlow, and Journal Articles by Hare and Ogloff, will be used to support this argument. The first part of the essay will focus on the definition of Antisocial Personality Disorder and psychopathy and their similarities, with the last part of the essay focusing on the etiology of Antisocial Personality Disorder and the cognitive, genetic, and environmental causes of the two disorders.
    Antisocial Personality Disorder is defined as: ‘a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years’ (Moran, 2004). The definition includes criteria such as: failing to conform to social norms, deceitfulness, being manipulative, irritability, aggressiveness, and lack of remorse (Moran, 2004). On the other hand, psychopathy is defined as a disorder primarily of affective deficits related to personality and behaviour (Ogloff, 2006) (Jadczyk & Knight-Jadczyk, 2009). In 1968 psychopathy was redefined as Personality Disorder (Antisocial subtype) and was demonstrated to exist across many personality disorders and theorized to be an extreme form of neurotypical personality (Ogloff, 2006). This two disorders show similarities with each other, which is highlighted by information about psychopathy provided by Ogloff (2006, p. 4): ‘[the patient is] basically unsocialised and whose behaviour patterns bring them repeatedly into conﬂict with society. They are incapable of signiﬁcant loyalty to individuals, groups or social values.’ The similarities between the two definitions as demonstrated by this quote, include failure to conform to social norms, deceitfulness, and poor behavioural controls, with there being more emphasis on behaviour in Antisocial Personality Disorder rather than content of thought (Ogloff, 2006). Thus, through the criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder and psychopathy it can be demonstrated that both disorders are similar, with Antisocial Personality Disorder sharing affective deficits with psychopathy, but being more focused on conduct.
    It is posited that there is an overemphasis on behaviour with Antisocial Personality Disorder, which has been theorized to have cause Antisocial Personality Disorder to be inadequately represented amongst people living outside of prisons and over represented in a large proportion of the prison population (Ogloff, 2006) (Widiger, Thomas, Corbitt & Livesley, 1995). Dr Robins, who is a sociologist and psychological researcher, is responsible for the separation of psychopathy from Antisocial Personality Disorder, with the latter being more focused on behaviour rather than personality (Jadczyk & Knight-Jadczyk, 2009). Dr Hare when conversing and collaborating with Dr Robins made suggestions to make Antisocial Personality Disorder appear closer to psychopathy and to include more character traits. What suggests the criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder need to include more character traits is that many of the behaviours of Antisocial Personality Disorder predict character traits belonging to psychopathy. These criteria for ASPD include: deceitfulness, impulsivity, violence, disregard for safety, and irresponsibility (Jadczyk & Knight-Jadczyk, 2009), which predict certain character traits in psychopathy, as demonstrated by Hare (1991, p. 4), such as ‘Machiavellianism, narcissism, and sensation-seeking,’ as well as callousness and promiscuity (Haycock, 2002). Medical research into violence demonstrates that certain personalities are more likely to engage in criminal behaviour, which suggests a link between behaviour and personality, which supports the need for redefinition of ASPD (McCallum, 2001, p. 143). Thus, it can be demonstrated that ASPD is overly focused on behaviour, which has led the disorder to be under diagnosed among the general community, although both disorders overlap with regards to personality.
    The diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder leads to bias, because many traits of personality are hard to diagnose accurately (Hare, 1991). The lack of agreement between ASPD criteria and psychopathy is influenced by the fixed definition of ASPD in the DSM-III (Hare, 1991). Moreover, the definition of ASPD relies heavily on closed and circular concepts, meaning that behaviour can indicate a wide variety of personality traits and vice versa (Hare, 1991). Hare claims that: ‘the criteria for ASPD appear to define a diagnostic category that is at once too broad, encompassing criminals and antisocial persons who are psychologically heterogeneous’ (Hare, 1991, p. 3). This means that the focus of behaviour for ASPD covers large amount of different character traits, which are heterogeneous and diffuse (Hare, 1991). Thus, this information also suggests that these two disorders are very similar, with the definition of APSD being problematic, because it is based on fixed and closed concepts and being open to bias.
    ASPD is influenced by environment and genetics, as adopted children of criminals are more likely to exhibit antisocial tendencies (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, pp. 448-449). For example: ‘In one large study, the parents of delinquent boys were more often alcoholic or criminal, and their homes were frequently disrupted by divorce, separation or the absence of a parent’ (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, p. 448). As well the following finding supports the genetic hypothesis, ‘Of the first-degree male relatives [of those with ASPD] who were interviewed, 16% also received this diagnosis’ (“Antisocial Personality Disorder,” 2005). A theorist who has contradicted the genetic view of ASPD is Livesley, who claims that social and environmental influences the development of psychopathy, rather than genetics (Ogloff, 2006). These environmental factors include living in a unsettled home environment, with parents acting erratically or disciplining their children inappropriately, which explains the selfish and apathetic attitude of those with ASPD (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, pp. 433–440) (Donald, 2006). Other environmental factors, such as being rejected by your peers can result in those with ASPD socializing with each other, which reinforces their behaviour, because they are rewarded by their friends’ encouragement and friendship (Donald, 2006). Overall, most of the information on ASPD points to the disorder being influenced by both genetics and environment, which factors cross over and influence one another (“Antisocial Personality Disorder,” 2005).
    There are a range of biological factors, which influence the onset of psychopathy and ASPD. For psychopathy structural dysfunctions in the brain have not been demonstrated to exist, however, abnormalities in the frontal and temporal lobes have been argued to occur (Ogloff, 2006). There is a biological hypothesis for ASPD that posits that people diagnosed with ASPD have under arousal in their brain and a lack of neurosis, which leads them to engage in activities that cause fear and excitement. This is supported by the fact that people with psychopathy and ASPD have low cortical arousal (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, p. 447) and the finding of low skin conductance activity and low heart rate in violent criminals (Donald, 2006). Moreover, it has been shown by research that ‘an imbalance between the BIS and reward system may reduce anxiety and increase pleasure in psychopaths’ (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, p. 447). The BIS is the Behavioural Inhibition System, which controls our inhibition and if underactive may contribute to antisocial behaviours (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, p. 447). Other biochemical abnormalities have been theorized to occur in psychopathy and ASPD, including an imbalance in the neurotransmitter serotonin, which has been linked with antisocial behaviour, such as aggression and impulsiveness (Donald, 2006). Thus, there is a range of factors in the biology of those with ASPD and psychopathy, which precede the disorder.
    There are a number of cognitive factors influencing ASPD, which explains why those who are diagnosed with ASPD do not conform to social norms. Their violation of social norms can be explained by the fact that when non-psychopaths processed negative words, such as rape, death, and cancer, there was an increase in the limbic region in the brain, which was not seen in those with ASPD or psychopathy, which indicates they were processing the footage without emotional connection in a analytical and verbal manner (Jadczyk & Knight-Jadczyk, 2009). Those diagnosed with ASPD when presented with graphic and violent scenes did not have activation in their amygdala, like people without ASPD (Jadczyk & Knight-Jadczyk, 2009). Moreover, children with higher developed intellects tend to have higher moral judgment, which shows that cognition is a factor in intellectual development, which is theorized to be absent in those diagnosed with ASPD (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, pp. 433–440). Thus, the behaviour and character of those diagnosed with ASPD are linked to a range of cognitive and biological factors.
    ASPD and psychopathy are similar disorder, because sociopathic or psychopathic personality disorder was renamed in the DSM-III as ASPD (Hare, 1991). Many psychological theorists, including Dr. Hare have argued that the definition of ASPD is too broad and overly focused on behaviour, leading to a large percent of the prison population fulfilling the criteria for ASPD (Hare, 1991). Many of the behaviours present in ASPD, such as failure to conform to social rules for behaviour, deceitfulness, violent behaviour, and aggressiveness, indicate certain character traits, which are addressed by the criteria of psychopathy. The two disorders have a similar etiology in that persons diagnosed with both disorders have under arousal in certain parts of the brain and experience certain environmental factors, such as being rejected socially and living with parents who are alcoholics or criminals (Barlow & Durrand, 2011, pp. 447-448). Moreover, the two disorders share affective and social deficits, with psychopathy theorized to be a extreme form of neurotypical personality, which demonstrates that psychopathy is a disorder of personality and thus under the same category as ASPD (Ogloff, 2006).

REFERENCES

Barlow, D, Durrand, V. (2011). Abnormal Psychology: An Integrated Approach. USA, Wadsworth Publishing.
Donald, B. (2006). What Causes Antisocial Personality Disorder? Retrieved on July 31, 2011, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/what-causes-antisocial-personality-disorder/.
Hare, R, Hart, S, Harpur, T. (1991). Psychopathy and the DSM-IV Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. American Psychological Association. 3(100), 391-398.
Haycock, D. (2002). Hare Psychopathy Checklist. Retrieved Aug 9, 2011, from http://www.minddisorders.com/Flu-Inv/Hare-Psychopathy-Checklist.html.
Healthse.com. (2005). Antisocial Personality Disorder. Retrieved Aug 9, 2010, from http://psychiatry.healthse.com/psy/more/antisocial_personality_disorder/.
Jadczyk, A. Knight-Jadczyk, L. (2009). The Psychopathy - The Mask of Sanity. Retrieved on July 1, 2011, from http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopathy_aspd_sociopathy.htm.
McCallum, D. (2001). Personality and dangerousness: genealogies of antisocial personality disorder. New York, Cambridge University Press.
Moran, M. (2004). DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (301.7). Psychiatric News 1(39), 25.
Ogloff, JR. (2006). Psychopathy/antisocial personality disorder conundrum. Aust N Z J Psychiatry. 40(6-7), 519-28.
Widiger, TA, Corbitt, Livesley, EM. John, W (Ed). (1995). Antisocial personality disorder. The DSM-IV personality disorders. American Psychological Association. xviii, 516.

Essay on Literature

2011-09-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

ANALYSIS OF HEROIN, VERTIGO, AND A LOVER’S DISCOURSE

The texts Heroin, Vertigo, and A Lover’s Discourse use a range of writing techniques and strategies, including techniques from postmodernism, use of intertextuality, and prose writing techniques. In this essay I will be using readings from the study guide, including Topic One and Four, as well as Readings by Chambers, Worton, and Seymour from the book of readings to support my argument. My main argument is that our lives are narratives and thus run parallel to what is written, because writers are influenced by the society they live in and what they read. This is displayed in Heroin, Vertigo, and A Lover’s Discourse, which all expand our societies discourse, which is achieved by postmodern writing techniques in A Lover’s Discourse and some parts of Vertigo and by prose writing techniques, such as intertextuality, plot, and discourse in all three stories.

The story in a narrative is the sequence of events, which occur (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 10). The plot of a story is what the story is about (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 11). For example the plot of Vertigo is about sea change and quotidian rural Australians, while my story Heroin is about drug addiction and mental illness. Every story can be told in different ways and from different perspectives (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 10). Certain details can be foregrounded and other details can be marginalized to create a unique discourse. In Heroin, Mark’s perspective is foregrounded, particularly his attitude towards drugs, while Zack’s point of view is marginalized and he is portrayed as a ‘heroin junky.’ A kernel event furthers the plot and is an essential turning point (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 12). The kernel event in Heroin is the period that Mark lives in convalescence, withdrawing from drugs. In Vertigo the bushfire is the kernel event as well as pinnacle of the narrative. Through these similarities it can be shown that all these texts are related, with them existing within an intertextual matrix of our culture.

Worton (1990, p. 1) claims that texts do not operate as closed systems, but exist in contrast to the texts, which came before them. A poet who writes is just replicating a poem, which has been already written, but also adds to what he reads in his writing (Worton, 1990, p. 3). A text is influenced by the culture of the writer and the discourse in the period of writing, which is informed by a myriad of different people, who have a range of viewpoints. The writing of Vertigo and Heroin thereby is endowed by various voices and opinions, including those of down to earth characters, such as Gil, and imaginative characters like Luke, whose personalities are manifested in the dialogue in the novel and thus exist not by themselves, but in the tradition of Australian prose writing (Worton, 1990, p. 2).

Chambers (1985) posits that the connotation of a text is the relationship between viewpoints and the context in which they occur. For example in my story, Heroin, the viewpoint of Zack is that of a drug addict and therefore positive in attitude towards drugs, while the viewpoint at the end of the story of Mark is that drugs are illegal and dangerous. Different people in novels, whether they are fictional or not, have alternate viewpoints, through which viewpoints discourse can be formed (Chambers, 1985). Gibson (1992) posits that the body is not the entirety of the world, and even though it is the vessel through which we experience the world, it cannot be severed from its vicinity to the world and relationships. We can see our lives as like a novel, in that the mental notes we and others take on ourselves form what is called narrative or discourse (Gibson, 1992). Anna has force over the reader, which makes us sympathetic for her cause and so do other characters who attract towards them certain readers who share similar personality traits. Thus the relationship between different characters and the reader in Vertigo define its meaning as a novella.

Texts are transposed into other texts over space and time (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 40). A monologic text is one, which argues for a universal definition and is centralised in meaning (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 40). A dialogic text embraces various points of view to create a whole discourse and presents a decentralised point of view (Cook & Ledgar, 2010, p. 40). Heroin fits the description of a dialogic text, because it presents characters as changing over time. A Lover’s Discourse also fits the description of a dialogic text in that the protagonist is heterogeneous and self-centered and on the edge of society. The heteroglossic viewpoints in stories like these deconstruct the authority of monologic texts such as the Bible and progress the art of writing.

A Lover’s Discourse fits within postmodern writing in that it is flippant, often meaningless, and very abstract, presenting reality as fragmented. This fragmentation of reality is displayed by the example: ‘I--I who love, by converse vocation, am sedentary, motionless, at hand, in expectation, nailed to the spot, in suspense’ (Barthes, 1990, p. 12). A Lover’s Discourse is very self-indulgent and the main character is excessively emotional. This emotion is demonstrated in the following line: ‘I mask my mourning by an evasion; I dilute myself, I swoon in order to escape that density’ (Barthes, 1990, p. 12). These excerpts show the use of postmodern approaches to writing in A Lover’s Discourse, which is a movement rejects the grand narrative of the protagonist’s culture in favour of excessive and abstracted writing.

Different ideas are juxtaposed in a loose association in A Lover’s Discourse, which is a postmodernist technique. e.g. ‘This is how it happens sometimes, misery or joy engulfs me, without any particular tumult ensuing: nor any pathos: I am dissolved, not dismembered’ (Barthes, 1990, p. 11). There is anapestic language used, for example: ‘I fall, I flow, I melt’ (Barthes, 1990, p. 11). The narrator is suicidal, emotional, and excessively romantic, which is evidenced by the phrase: ‘we die together from loving each other’ (Barthes, 1990, p. 11). This phrase creates a sense of overwhelming emotion, which can lead to ego death. There is use of nonsensical phrases, which do not make any sense at all. For example: ‘extreme action of the amorous image-repertoire’ (Barthes, 1990, p. 11). A Lover’s Discourse is not completely serious and is created as a comedic piece, with the idea of performance for the reader treated as sacrosanct, with a sense of emotional distress being core to its performance as a text.

My story Heroin uses many techniques of prose writing, including the use of story, discourse, and plot, as well as intertextual elements, including: references to psychiatry and accounts of drug addiction by real people. Heroin starts with a healthy man who feels, ‘sparkling and anticipatory.’ This strong adjective is used to describe Mark’s emotions as pure, which contrasts with his latter state, and is an example of characteristion. Heroin is told in third person and past tense, which has an effect allowing the reader to see the bigger picture. e.g. ‘They smiled at each other and walked into the apartment.’ The word ‘smiled’ is in the past tense and ‘they’ is used as a third person pronoun. Time flows on peculiarly, for example after Mark takes heroin in the opening part he feels like time is gone. e.g. ‘He fell out of the normal rules of time and found himself laying down on one of Zack’s spare beds twelve hours later.’ Later in the story, after Mark’s hospitalisation, the typical delusions of psychotic patients are used to make Mark’s dilemma relevant to the real world. These delusions include feeling people can read your mind and are plotting to kill you, which I have read about on mental health forums, such as ‘Schizophrenia.com’ and ‘Psych forums.’ The use of these delusions is an intertextual technique as it draws influences from real people with psychosis. Towards the end as Mark appears to be doing better he sees the wolf again and follows it. This experience is a metaphor for his recovery, in that Mark gets better after the veil dissolves, thus his psychosis dissolves. Thus Heroin uses a myriad writing approaches including, distortion of time, intertextuality, and oddity to create a sense of character and narrative.

The text of Vertigo makes use of a myriad of writing techniques, particularly the use of intertextuality and strategies of prose writing. The couple of Anna and Luke fit well into the canon of typically Australian characters in that they live in a small village, are hardworking, and use Australian vernacular, which are prose writing aspects, used to make the story more realistic. e.g. ‘He’s like a brigadier who’s lost his battalion’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 54). One of the techniques used in Vertigo is the use of flowery and stylistic descriptions of the outback, which brings us into the Australian terrain. An example of this is ’hot monsoonal wash of an early morning shower’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 4). In Vertigo nature is foregrounded, which is displayed in the description of the gully of the surf in Garra Nulla as a ‘narrow canyon’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 13). Luke feels old when he meets the army men, which highlights his self-conscious nature, which is an example of prose characterisation. e.g. ‘He perceives he is no longer spirited, not in the juiced up way these guys are’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 51). The use of characterisation and descriptive language are part of Australian prose writing, thus Vertigo uses intertextual strategies to ground its narrative in realism.

Vertigo takes on the influences of the weather patterns of Australia. e.g. ‘A deep coral sunset flared along the ridge of the western hills’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 17). This is an intertextual technique, because Vertigo is influenced by Australians’ experience of weather and bushfire. Natural description and metaphor is used in the following line, which describes trees, to create a sense of detail: ‘long filaments that resemble quills’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 78). The archetypal Australian environmentalist view of industry wreaking the environment is used in the discourse of Vertigo. For example: ‘a toxic geometry of straight lines’ (Lohrey, 2009, p. 80). Thus Vertigo uses a range of discourses and the down to earth view of reality of Anna to construct its story.

The texts Vertigo, Heroin, and the A Lover’s Discourse, all use techniques including, strategies from postmodernism in Barthes and the use of prose writing techniques and intertextuality in Vertigo and Heroin. All three texts exist in a web of other texts, because the writer is influenced by nature and the stories they have read. We all exist in a matrix of culture and literature that is without the other we wouldn’t be able to define ourselves. Thus in Vertigo, Anna and Luke would not exist without the boy and in Heroin it would be impossible for Mark to get high or get better without the aid of Zack and his psychiatrist Dr. Alexis. All three texts contain traces of other texts and thus they are all intertextual, because they draw upon prose writing approaches derived from western culture, such as the use of plot, story, discourse, and the literary movements, which came before them.

REFERENCES

Barthes, Roland. 1990, (extracts) ‘A lover’s discourse: Fragments,’ Penguin, Hammondsworth (first published 1977).
Chambers, Ross. 1985, ‘Story and situation,' Story and situation: Narrative seduction and the power of fiction, University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis.
Chatman, Seymour. 1978, Story and discourse, Cornell University Press, London.
Cook, N Ledgar, J. 2010, ‘Study Guide: Prose,' Southern Cross University, Lismore, NSW.
Gibson, Ross. 1992, ‘Geography and gender,' in South of the west, Indiana University Press, Bloomingdale.
Koval, R, Lohrey, A. 2008, ‘Amanda Lohrey’s Vertigo,' ABC (online), http://www.abc.net.au/rn/bookshow/stories/2008/2413479.htm, [Accessed 8 May 2011].
Lohrey, A. 2009, ‘Vertigo,' Black Inc. Victoria.
Still, J & Worton, M. 1990, ‘Intertextuality: theories and practices,’ Manchester University Press, Manchester, UK.
Walters State Virtual Campus (online). n.d, ‘An Introduction to Modernism & Postmodernism’ http://vc.ws.edu/engl2265/unit4/Modernism/all.htm, [Accessed 8 May 2010].

Experimental Writing Essay

2011-09-12T20:47:00.000-07:00

TECHNIQUES AND PURPOSE OF EXPERIMENTAL WRITING IN MY STORIES AND IN THE PENAL COLONY

The intention of this essay is to describe the characteristics of experimental writing, their purpose and how they are manifested in In the Penal Colony and my collection of short stories. I will be using references from novels, such as Naked Lunch and Gravity’s Rainbow to describe and give illustrations of the characteristics of experimental writing. I will also be using the book, Postmodern Narrative Theory, sites such as, Textetc, and readings from Topic Six and One, including Modjeska and Cardinal in the book of readings, to support my arguments. The main argument of this essay is that experimental writing uses techniques such as, word salad, contradiction, irony, expansive writing, and surrealism. The purpose of experimental writing is to progress writing, open up new ways of enjoying our reading, and to write in a way that is not overdone or stale.

Experimental writers’ play with form, structure, language, point of view, and discourse (Keep, McLaughlin & Parmar, 2000). This play with form and structure is seen in one of the key characteristics of experimental writing, which is the use of word salad writing (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 21-23). Other techniques, which are used, include puns, word games, and shifts in the rules of location and time (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 21-23). An example of word salad like writing is from Naked Lunch is: ‘I can feel the heat closing in, feel them out there making their moves, setting up the devil doll stool pigeons’ (Burroughs, 1992, p. 9). The use of expansive and ardent writing is also characteristic of experimental writing. This is seen in the collage-like writing, which can be used just like in painting in adding impressionistic detail to art (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 21-23). An example of this collage from Gravity’s Rainbow is: ‘truffles of truth created, as ancients surmised, during storm, in the instant of lightning blast’ (Daw & Ruch, 2003). Experimental writing makes use of a myriad of different viewpoints and discourse and foregrounds alienated members of society (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 23-25). It makes use of ambiguity and creates hybrid genres. An example of this kind of hybrid writing is in Flaubert’s Parrot, which is a biography of Gustave Flaubert written from the point of view of a writer writing about Flaubert and mixes both fiction with nonfiction (Brooks, 1985).

There are many other strategies of innovative writing, including the use of playfulness or infantilism (Daniel & Modjeska, 1994). New experimental writing alters concepts such as space and the knowledge we have inherited (Daniel & Modjeska, 1994). This kind of writing goes against conventional form, aesthetics and the structure of writing and challenges the motivations for writing in established forms (Cardinal, 2004). Experimental writing manipulates the basis of our factual knowledge and the form of writing. Rather than being part of a genre, like science fiction or crime, it creates new categories, which are currently without names. Outsider art in particular does not adapt to existent trends in civilization and instead displays clear and characteristic qualities and has a denominator, which is not seen by the current literary subset as belonging to any tradition (Cardinal, 2004). Other techniques used by experimental writers include, alienating consciousness, use of duality, and contrasting integrity/disintegration, which are all seen in outsider art (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 21-23). Experimental and outsider artists celebrate their eccentricity, which may include being homeless, mentally ill, or schizotypal, and may write completely spontaneously in stream of consciousness or automatic writing, which is displayed in my collection of stories.

By writing experimentally we are altering our method of viewing the world and our culture and the relationship between abstract ideas and reality. Writing experimentally has the effect of fragmenting meaning, which controverts conventional narrative (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 23-25). Fragmenting meaning serves the purpose of opening up new ways of presenting ideas, experiences, and thoughts in language (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 23-25). An experimental writer cannot cause a revolution alone, they need a myriad of influences to become what they are, which includes mentors, publishers, readers, and lecturers. Through this link with established avenues of publishing and the use of fragmentation of meaning, experimental writers progress the art and change the rules of writing for future generations.

Modernist stories similar to In the Penal Colony are characterised by tapping into the minds, thoughts, and experiences of ordinary people, stream of consciousness, experimentation, and individualism (Holcombe, 2007). Reality is intersected by the action of writing, rather than what is manifested (Holcombe, 2007). It is made up of the action of writing and our motivations and is not constituted of abstract thoughts (Holcombe, 2007). Experimental writers write they way they do because they reject typical molds. Writers, like Woolf, Hamsun, and Joyce rejected the past of writing in favour of dream-like writing, surrealism, and iconoclasm, which were revolutionary forms of writing and are features that defined experimental writing in the early 20th century (Holcombe, 2007). These avant-garde writers wrote with the use of these methods to expand the horizon of writing and to perform self-expression, which results in writing, which is interesting, eccentric, and enjoyable for both readers and writers.

In Postmodern Narrative Theory it is claimed that personal selfhood is not within our bodies, but is a nexus which is influenced and surrounded by the people we love and those we briefly meet in everyday life (Currie, 1998, p. 17). Our identity is constructed by the differential between the other and ourselves and exists in our verbal thoughts as a narrative (Currie, 1998, p. 17). Currie (1998, p. 17) posits that when we read a book we make assumptions about the characters, just like in real life and fill in the gaps and construct mental images of ourselves and the other. In the early part of the 20th century writers tried to prize open our minds by writing in first person and interior monologue. Currie (1998, p. 18) posits that by writing about internal point of view writers were creating visual metaphors for personal thoughts. By writing using experimental techniques we use metaphors to serve the purpose of engaging the reader in fantastical descriptions of peoples inner lives (Currie, 1998). Through doing this writers are progressing the art of writing and making important insights into the human condition.

In the Penal Colony is modernistic, utilizes individual voices, and deals with bureaucracy in a pertinent manner (Holcombe, 2007). In the Penal Colony plays on what we expect in writing and its discourse is based upon our belief that previous writing is stereotypical (Holcombe, 2007). In the Penal Colony explores the contrast between the freedom that comes with being in a position of power and criminality or persecution, which leads to incarceration (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 95-97). Kafka’s writing is innovative because it appears mysterious and leaves out important details, such as the name of locales. Through the use of these literary concepts Kafka’s story is an important modernist work.

In the Penal Colony exploits modernist writing techniques and aspects of avant-garde writing in use of texture and detail, which is displayed by the following line: ’breathed with mouth wide open’ (Kafka, 1983, p. 140). This makes the imprisoned man seem vulnerable and conjures up images of him being violently attacked. The story uses surrealist description and metaphor to evoke mysticism. e.g. ’the glare of the sun in the shadeless valley was altogether too strong’ (Kafka, 1983, p. 142). The following line is used as a metaphor for the nakedness and shieldless position of the sentenced man: ’he sheltered his eyes from the sun with one hand’ (Kafka, 1983, p. 143). The long-winded dialogue of the commandant demonstrates that he is trying to lure the explorer into a mistake and suspects the explorer of treachery. The commandant’s dialogue displays the cruelty and incredulous nature of the European justice system in the early 20th century, where those who are corrupt see their foes everywhere, particularly in the structure of the bureaucracy. Although the condemned man ultimately escapes, the explorer is also cruel and unkind, which displays the systemic nature of violence in our society.

The words ‘Honor thy superiors!’ (Kafka, 1983, p. 144), are inscribed on the condemned man’s back in In the Penal Colony and are used to create a sense of irony and to satire the corruption inherent in government in Europe in the period in which Kafka was writing (Kafka, 1983). Through changes between generations new ideas are fabricated, which present incarceration in alternate ways. The use of penitentiaries is part of western civilization and is like a virus in our society, which cannot be severed from civilization (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 95-97). At the end of the narrative the explorer lifts up the rope and doesn’t allow the men who helped him, except for the imprisoned man, displays that even the people who come to our rescue are still defined by the mechanical nature of our society (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 95-97). There is a sense of justice towards the end of In the Penal Colony as the commandant is immolated because of his malpractice. The Kafka story is a critique of bureaucratic corruption, but still portrays the redeeming factions our society has as imbedded in ideology and bureaucracy as well, which is everywhere and inescapable (Conway & Costello, 2010, pp. 95-97).

Many techniques and strategies of experimental writing are used in my collection of stories. These include the use of historical writing and the flow of internal monologue in A Peasant Girl. The word 'and' is cut out of many of the sentences in all five stories to create a sense of the flow of the character's thoughts. The sentences run on in a loose association of ideas, with the prose jumping between different ideas. An example of this flowing writing is: 'bestirring with knights peasants noblemen women children and men’ (Dunne, 2011). The short story Tundra uses outlandish metaphors and is dactylic, which is evidenced by the following example: ‘hot rod roasting the back side of a pig’ (Dunne, 2011). There are odd juxtapositions used in Tundra, such as the contrast of the stench of a dead elk with a bathroom the narrator has been in California. The experimental technique of the mundane is used as the character is wadding through a swamp and smokes a cigarette. Comedy is used which is used to lighten the mood. e.g. ‘musician shaking a lemon’ (Dunne, 2011). Towards the end of the narrative in Tundra the story shifts rapidly between sleep and awake and contrasts the two states. Nature is used as a metaphor for the protagonist’s introspection, which is an experimental writing technique: 'stretched on like the scenic view which mirrors my emotions through time’ (Dunne, 2011).

The story The Reflected Ego uses experimental techniques, such as blending dialogue with prose narration, the use of psychoanalytic theory, and odd word choices, such as 'morphed' in relation to changes in skin colour. The use of psychoanalytic theory is evidenced by the following phrase: ‘felt her antipathy towards her husband Dimitry mirrored and reflected in his deep blue eyes’ (Dunne, 2011). Through the exploitation of these techniques, the use of experimental writing is evident in my stories.

Both my writings and the Kafka reading make use experimental techniques, including employing odd language, stream of consciousness, contradiction, exertion of psychoanalytic theory, playing with the expectations of the reader in the use of odd kernel events in the plot, and surrealism. The purpose of experimental writing is to progress the art of writing and to refuse to repeat the writing of previous generations. Each successive generation experiments with writing in different ways, which is important as this experimentation changes what we can represent in writing and our very culture. Through the use of genres such as futurism, modernism, and postmodernism in writing, the western literary tradition is made fun of and structural innovations, such as representing characters thoughts and the utilization of surrealist situations are used to entertain the reader to represent changes in culture in the form of writing.

REFERENCES

Brooks, P. 1985, ‘Obsessed With the Hermit of Croisset’, The New York Times (online), http://www.nytimes.com/books/01/02/25/specials/barnes-parrot.html, [Accessed 19 May 2011].
Burroughs, W. 1959, ‘Naked Lunch’, Grove Press, USA.
Cardinal, R. 2004, ‘The beauty of outsider art’, Southerly, vol. 64, Spring, pp. 130–137.
Conway, J. (2011). ENG10022 Writing from the Edge: Study Guide. Second ed. revised by M Costello. Lismore: Southern Cross University.
Currie, M. 1998, ‘Postmodern Narrative Theory’, Palgrave Macmillan, United Kingdom.
Daw, L, Ruch, A. 2003, ‘Pynchon Quotations’, The Modern World (online), http://www.themodernword.com/pynchon/pynchon_quotes.html, [Accessed 10 May 2011].
Daniel, H & Modjeska, D (eds). 1994, ‘New books, new writers, new writing … ’, in Picador New Writing 2, Picador, Sydney, pp. xi–xix.
Dunne, L. 2011, ‘A Peasant Girl’, Gold Coast, Australia.
Dunne, L. 2011, ‘The Reflected Ego’, Gold Coast, Australia.
Dunne, L. 2011, ‘Tundra’, Gold Coast, Australia.
Holcombe, J. 2007, ‘Modernist Poetry and the Contemporary Scene’, Textetc (online), http://www.textetc.com/modernist.html, [Accessed 10 April 2011].
Kafka, F 1983, ‘In the Penal Colony’ (1919), in The Penguin complete short stories of Franz Kafka, trans. Muir, Willa and Edwin, Allen Lane, London, pp. 140–167.
Keep, C, McLaughlin, T, Parmar, R. 2000, ‘The Literature of Exhaustion’, The Electronic Labyrinth (online), http://www2.iath.virginia.edu/elab/hfl0258.html, [Accessed 19 May 2011].

Short Story - Zola

2011-09-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

ZOLA

Alice Bowie was a wondrous and beautiful woman. She had blue hair, which was dyed of course and looked much like a otherkin or elf. Zola wanted to be Alice’s boyfriend, so he tried to charm her with his sparkling eyes. He believed in magick and worshipped Azrael, who he asked for guidance in his coding. The year was 2022 and it was a terrible time to be alive, because the human race had recently made contact with a race of gigantic insect like aliens from what humans called ‘Hybrid’, a planet that encircled the star: Arcturus. Zola and his friends called them ‘Arcturians’. He knew that they may both die in the coming battle, so he had contacted a cryogenics laboratory. His postgraduate friend Mike had a father who owned the biggest cryogenics firm in New Zealand. Mike had curly black hair and despised the alien insects. He called them: ‘stinkers.’ As Zola looked up at the sky at the alien ship descending he rushed in his car to the cryogenics lab and got processed. Little would he know the human race was finished and he would lead a rebellion to regenerate the human race in a program called God101.

*

Zola and his friends, Tracy, Ant, Mike, Lucy and Julius hibernated for over a thousand years. The Earth had been blown up using x-rays and they were also virtually cryogenically frozen. Who knows where their real bodies were any more. Ant was a little deaf mute who came up with genius code in his sleep. Mike was one of his best friends, who had helped him out with the cryogenics. Thanks to him he was still alive, albeit in an altered state. Tracy was his favourite to look at least. She had dark black hair and a very pretty nose. She was only 21 years old and he liked to dream about her. Julius was a bit older and very quiet. He had been diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder and liked to keep to himself. He often meditated on the bricks in the rumpus room for hours on end. Zola’s girlfriend Alice Bowie felt his dark black hair playfully. They had known each other a thousand years ago on the real Earth, which Zola dearly missed. Zola gazed into Alice’s weird hazel eyes, which had a dreamy expression. He could feel the pleasure chemicals in his brain being emitted. He definitely was in love with her and felt he needed to win the war to hold onto her forever.

    The sky outside was a very unnatural dark blue. A couple of hours ago it was a very bright canary yellow. They were inside a program, created by the insectoid aliens, in which the master programmer could edit any detail he wanted, including their memories or life. It was very scary for Zola to think about. For all he knew he might wake up dead tomorrow.

    Their mission was to enter Virtual Reality and create a new program from the bottom up, which would physically recreate the Earth. Zola got ready his laptop Apple computer which was a very advanced model. Everything was wireless these days and done with Bluetooth. Zola thought the code which was interpreted by his dermatrodes and he entered the program through a vortex, like a tornado. Alice was beside him and was squealing in fear and apprehension of danger. Zola’s thoughts felt as cold as the Antarctic breeze which blew through the window. Zola was thinking in C++, which was a common hacking programming code. He could feel the thoughts of Alice through the telepathy router.

    Zola was thinking at the speed of light. He came up with the perfect and correct codes. Zola was making his way through source code, which was a series of statements or declarations he could read, contained in a series of files (probably Trillions). Alice sent a thought into his bubble, ‘We need to find the Butterfly Faerie, man.’ The Butterfly Faerie was deep in the code. She was an artificial construct of an AI.

    Zola thought about the code in terms of geography. He was highly skilled and so was Alice Bowie at converting the mountains of ice and sewers of hell into code, which he altered with the telepathy construct embedded in his dermatrodes.

    The God101 code was a construct of code. It was a hardwired ROM cassette. The data was held on a blue induction strip. The code which had created the Earth was in less than a square millimetre of blue titanium. The Butterfly Faerie was elusive and talked about by everyone he knew. She used to be a human, but had gone so far into the program that she had turned herself into a infinite code which resonated like a string of energy. She was created using a personality matrix SIM deck.

    The code was a rocky terrain. Zola suddenly slipped off the cliff face and was shot out by a shadow nymph. Alice helped him by thinking the counter code. Suddenly, Zola’s whole body was shaking and covered in slime. He laid down for a moment to rest.

Alice was still thinking in schizophrenic word salad: ‘I am the queen of the lizard serpent. A snake that reeks of gin.’

He could feel a virus in the code tearing through his stomach lining. The ice of the virus intoxicated his mind. Alice was able to summon up the counter code to the virtual Epstein Barr virus, which was:

    MQQMPROPS qmprops;
QMPROPID aQMPropId[NUMBEROFPROPERTIES];
MQPROPVARIANT aQMPropVar[NUMBEROFPROPERTIES];
HRESULT aQMStatus[NUMBEROFPROPERTIES];.

    Zola immediately felt better after Alice entered the code. with her mind. He climbed up the towering mountain of code, like a Sherpa climbing Annapurna. A light spider came unexpectedly from his left. It reflected off his contact lenses and hit him as it crashed through a thought loop in the code from thirty metres away. Zola descended into a Turing Paradox. He felt wasted and could feel insanity in his thoughts and strange urges. Zola had to summon up all his strength to block the paradox. He thought back a thousand years ago to his time at MIT and through a synapse the code came back to him. The way out was to invert the syntax in the code. If he inverted the syntax the code would collapse. Alice stared into Zola’s eyes in admiration. To reach the Butterfly Faerie they would need to get to the core of the code.

    Zola hacked himself through the totality of the program with the aid of his ingenuity from his training at MIT. Alice was also thinking her way through the code and they worked well as a team, with both their minds searching for the correct syntax. Within twenty-four hours he found the password to enter into the source code which was: 9240173-X. He sent the code in, which was:

if (UuidToString(&guidMachineId, &pszUuid) != RPC_S_OK)
{
     fprintf(stderr, "An error occurred in UuidToString.\n");
     return E_FAIL;
}

    They could feel their bodies entering the core of the code. A great film of glass opened up before their eyes and they felt their limbs disconnecting from their bodies and falling into the prism, which was the centre of the code. A huge dark mist appeared before them. They only realised then that this mist was the geographical representation of the Butterfly Faerie.

    ‘A turn down into the depths of the mind, young constructs,’ said the Butterfly Faerie.
‘I want to be returned to flesh,’ asked Zola.
‘You will if you enter the Dead Zone in the underworld and battle with the Arcturian demon. It will be the toughest bitch of a video game you have ever faced. You will have to recreate the 4th dimension. You only exist in one dimension now as artificial constructs in the code, just like me. Be-gone, I have told you what you need and I will help you when the time is right ...’

    Zola knew it was the right time to jack back into the cabin. The sun glistened morosely into the left window. When he returned all his buddies were staring at him in disbelief.

    ‘What did she tell you,’ Ant asked him, as Zola was distracted by Alice’s pretty face.
‘The Butterfly Faerie will battle with us in the underworld. We need to find a way into the Dead Zone,’ he replied as he stared into thin air with a worried and frozen look on his face.

    Zola’s mind was still flowing with lines of what to most people would be indecipherable code. The hacking mission had left Zola as empty as a dried up creek. Zola retreated to his room to sleep and to take a break from the coding. When he woke up he found that Tracy had made some rice dessert for him. Zola gladly ate up the dessert and savoured the taste in his mouth. He needed the nutrition of the rice to mentally prepare for the upcoming battle.

    Zola briefed to the group before they descended into the Dead Zone: ‘We may well die on this mission, but it is worth it to recreate the Earth physically. We have six dermatrodes and desktop computers. What we need to do is enter the Dead Zone, Then find the demon and corrupt the code for the demon. Once we beat the demon we need to create a physical construct of the Earth in the source code.’

    They all hooked on their dermatrodes, including Ant, Julius, Lucy, Alice and Mike. Zola had created a connection between him and Alice just incase they died, so they would rest forever in the code. Zola thought input101=’underworld’, region=765 and they entered.

    Zola could feel a cold icy wind. He was on an icy road, with sleet raining down from the cumulus clouds above him. He shivered and looked around him to find the others appearing. A screaming came across the sky, which burnt Zola’s ears and made them bleed. All they could feel was terror and doom. They were on some sort of icy gaseous planet waiting for a demon to appear. Zola entered the final line of code in his thoughts and the beast emerged from the rubble, screaming and vile, like the darkest demon of hell. The thing was a multitaloned monster and demon, with reddish and encrusted skin, whose fury engulfed the air with psychotic screaming. Zola could feel a large emptiness in his thoughts and chest. He felt desperately depressed and anxious, a huge lump in his throat paralysed him. Zola sent out a thought wave in the code. The demon retaliated and hit him in the head with a large piece of ice code. He collapsed and bleed. The Butterfly Faerie repaired him and then sent out a thought earthquake. The whole surface of the realm lifted up and the demon tripped. The mist of the AI engulfed the demon and it started to evaporate into the icy air. They went through a veil of light, which was mystical and enchanting. Zola started to code the Earth back in his thoughts, feeling the power of Azrael vibrating his body. They were all thinking their way back to life. On the seventh day without sleeping in the ice bunker, the Earth started to appear in their thoughts. They all invoked the God101 construct and linked hands, feeling the power of the gods going through them. There was a huge chasm and bright blue light and they all awoke to find themselves on the Earth in the middle of summer.

    Zola looked calmly around. He was lying on a boat in the middle of brightly blue water. Everyone around him was singing, with Alice lying on his lap. Zola suddenly realised that they had succeeded in recreating the Earth. Zola could hear and see the battle above the earth, morosely in reality, a real Earth.

    Alice Bowie whispered in his ear, ‘Congratulations, we made it back to Kiwi land.’

    Zola climbed out of the boat onto the muddy Earth and made his way to their Kombi van. He fell asleep in the back, with his friends in the front. There was a light coming in the top window and blossom making him sneeze. He had fallen asleep and realised they were going to team up with other Kiwis so they could fight the alien overlords. The first stop was a barn out in the outback, under which in a secret bunker with a stash of plasma rifles. Zola then knew it wouldn’t matter if they won or not, he was happy to be real again and that was all that mattered.

US Open

2011-09-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been watching the US Open. I think that Federer will win the men's draw and I'm hoping that Vera Zvonoreva will win the women's. My favourite tennis players are Lleyton Hewitt, Roger Federer, Djokovic, Dokic, Victoria Azarenka, Petra Kvitova, and Zvonareva.

Essay on Jane Eyre

2011-09-02T19:43:00.001-07:00

To what extent do the characters in Jane Eyre represent changing attitudes towards women in the 19th century?

Jane Eyre escapes from reality in the early part of the novel, but gradually uses reason and femininity to overcome the oppressive religious and societal forces of Victorian England in order to progress the rights of women. In this essay I will be using both texts from the internet and Gilber and Gubar, Brody and Brooker and Widdowson from the study guide to support my essay. I will be covering several points, including: Jane is a moral gothic character, the morality and class wars of the 19th century progressed the rights of women, insensitive portrayals of madness and the metaphor of the mirror. In this essay I argue that Jane Eyre is an icon for mentally ill women, as a moral, gothic and a feminist character of the 19th century. The novel Jane Eyre to a moderate extent progresses the rights of women in the 19th century.

The novel Jane Eyre presents Jane as a moral gothic character. Moral means to live an ethical life and gothic is associated with the darkness in the human spirit. Jane embodies this role, because she refuses to accept the forms and social norms of society (Gilbert & Gubar, 1979). She escapes into vivid fantasies, she loves the Arctic and her imagination, which displays how she was not a typical or average women of the 1800s. Jane is a gothic and feminist icon in that she argues for the social progression of women and better rights for women in general and well as being dark and full of strong emotions. eg. ‘I am no bird and no net ensnares me, I am a free human being with independent will.’ (from page 256 of Jane Eyre) and ‘the vehemence of emotion, stirred by love and grief in me, was claiming mastery’ (from page 255) The feminist undertones are shown as Jane breaks through strong oppression at Gateshead, starvation at Lowood and madness at Thornfield, plus the duel relationship between her alter (her madness) and Bertha’s madness (Spark Notes, 2010). The opposed elements of fire and ice are used to characterise Jane’s experiences. Jane goes through fire, through her episode in the first chapters of the novel and coldness, through her starvation at Lowood. Jane says that “something spoke out of me” and “the rushing of wings, something ... near me” which illuminates her relationship with god and her gothic fantasy prone personality (Spark Notes, 2010). Jane encounters patriarchal characters in Mr. Rochester, who looks down upon her as a plaything and a virginal possession (Gilbert& Gubar, 1979). However she passes through this oppression, by using the coping mechanism of deliberation (Gilbert & Gubar, 1979). Jane’s character traits and escape into fantasy, show how she was rational gothic, who experienced both symptoms of ‘mental illness’ and unconventional attitudes towards her peers.

Bronte’s anger towards the way women were treated in the 19th century largely informs her depiction of Jane Eyre. In Jane Eyre masculine values still prevail, which indicates that society in the 19th century was regressive. For example: ‘I consider that when a dependent does her duty as well as you have done yours, she has a sort of claim upon her employer for any little assistance he can conveniently render her...’ (from page 255 of Jane Eyre) The feminist and psychoanalytic movements of the 19th century brought new insights about women, explaining that the two human genders were not dissimilar (Brooker, Widdowson, 1996). There was a transition in the 1840s to a capitalistic form of production, which is displayed in difference between the labour of women in previous centuries and the 19th century, embodied by Jane’s role as a governess (Brooker, Widdowson, 1996). In Jane Eyre there is still a patriarchal division of industrial labour. An example of this servility and patriarchy is: “‘that I never should, sir: you know'- impossible to proceed.” The industrial revolution was great for lower-class women, offering them new factory jobs in place of household work, but it did not do much good for the lower class and Jane (Brody, 1983). Engel’s argues that since women have entered into labour, what was left of male domination had dissipated (Jackson, 1994). This notion is incorrect, since women in the 19th century were not fully emancipated as shown by the oppressive stance of many of the characters in Jane Eyre, in particular the treatment by her cousin and aunt at the beginning of the novel. It is said that Jane had ‘no security of employment, no access to university minimal wages’ and was somewhere between servant and family member, which isolated her as a governess (Brody, 1983). Thus, even though the industrial revolution had opened up the world for Jane, she was still subject to internal inhibition due to economic and psychosocial constraints, thus Jane Eyre only moderately progresses the cause of women.

The portrayal of Bertha in Jane Eyre is a racist portrayal of ‘insanity’ and thus presents a demeaning view of women in the novel. In Jane Eyre’s days mental asylums were becoming more common. The public were starting to see it as necessary for there to be humanitarian treatments of the ‘insane’ (Iwama, 2003). Bronte likens Bertha to a vulgar animal, with wild mannerisms and a shoddy appearance. Bertha’s mother is referred to a ‘the Creole’ and is described as an alcoholic and lunatic, which was a common stereotype of ‘Creoles’ (Iwama, 2003). A Creole is: ‘A person of mixed Black and European ancestry who speaks a creolized language, especially one based on French or Spanish.’ (Answers.com, n.d.) Thus it can be shown that Bronte is likening Bertha to a people who were judged in the time to be inferior. Bertha is described as a confined Victorian wife and is claimed to be central obstacle preventing Jane and Rochester’s happiness in this text (Janee, 2007). Jane Eyre presents the supernatural as mysterious and dreadful, which is a romantic depiction on the strange experiences of Jane (Janee, 2007). Bertha is largely mute and isolated and thus has little tidal effect on Jane and Rochester’s patriarchal marriage. In this way the view of the mad women in Jane Eyre is mixed, with Bronte both progressing the cause of the mentally ill cause and muting it, which shows that Jane Eyre only progresses the cause of women’s rights to a moderate extent.

Bertha is an external double of Jane, because they both experience madness, but cope with ‘insanity’ in very different ways (Lewis, 2001). Like Bertha, Jane is full of anger, which is displayed in the red room scene, where Jane escapes into madness. Her escape into madness mirrors the aggression of Bertha later in the novel (Lewis, 2001). Jane’s stifling of her selfhood generates the projected double, which then emerges as the stereotype of female madness (Lewis, 2001). Jane is imprisoned by her feminity: 'too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation', which is the stifling of her true self (Lewis, 2001). The use of the mirror in Jane Eyre creates a duality of selfhood between Bertha and Jane, who overlap each other in their madness (Lewis, 2001). Similarities abound between the two, although Jane finds an adequate coping mechanism by which to deal with external stresses, while Bertha is overwhelmed, turning inward, thus achieving an autistic isolation. Thus in all these ways Bertha is the external double of Jane. Thus this shows how Jane Eyre is a progressive novel for mentally ill women and feminists alike.

Mary Wollstonecraft advocates the supremacy of reason in guiding human affairs. This reason must be used in order for Jane to progress human rights. Also, Wollstonecraft claims that unrestrained sexuality leads to disorder and that there is no double standard of sexual behaviour in the 19th century. (Brody, 1983) In this way reason can be used for the sake of inhibition in order to regain respectability. Wollstonecraft’s enlightenment ideas indicate that societies can find truth through reason. (Brody, 1983) Wollstonecraft never yields the argument that all moral evil begins in patriarchy, thus she accepts that Jane must submit to men in part in order to achieve adequate progression of her feminity. The sexual relationship between Jane and Rochester could be seen as demeaning to Jane, in that Rochester flirts with Jane and tries to use his power as a man to control her. This view is false since Jane has a free choice on whether to submit to his power over her. Overall, Wollstonecraft presents important insights about the character Jane in this novel and the use of male sexuality to gain power, but since the 19th century society is still regressive, Jane Eyre only moderately progresses the rights of women.

Jane Eyre progressed the rights of women in presenting Jane as a strong, moral and individual women, who was able to deal with madness and oppression through rationality. The industrial revolution and changes in mental health progressed the rights of women, although institutionalisation yielded a drop in standard for mentally ill women, such as Bertha. Bertha was the projected double of Jane, with the image of the mirror being symbolic for the duality of self (the mad and the sane). Overall, Jane Eyre to a moderate extent progresses the rights of women and is a important feminist text of the 19th century.

REFERENCES

Answers.com (online), ‘Creole’, http://www.answers.com/topic/creole-1, [Accessed 21 April, 2010].

Brody, M (1983). ‘Mary Wollstonecraft: Sexuality and Women’s Rights (1759-1797)’. D Spender (ed). Feminist Theorists: Three Centuries of Women’s Intellectual Traditions. London: The Women’s Press, pp. 40-47.

Brooker, P & Widdowson, P (eds) (1996). Charlotte Bronte: Jane Eyre: A Practical Reader In Contemporary Literary Theory. Hertfordshire: Prentice Hall/Harvester Wheatsheaf, pp. 107-131.
Gilber, S & Gubar, S (1979). ‘A Dialogue of Self and Soul: Plain Jane’s Progress’, The Madwoman in the Attic. New Haven and London: Yale University Press.
Iwama, M. 2003, 'Bertha Mason's Madness in a Contemporary Context', The Victorian Web (online), http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/bronte/cbronte/iwama8.html, [Accessed 15 March, 2010].
Jackson, M. 1994, ‘The Position of Middle-class Women as Context for Brontë's Jane Eyre’
Victorian Web (online), http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/bronte/cbronte/73cbwomen.html, [Accessed April 11, 2010].

Janee. 2007, ‘Characterization (Jane and Rochester) and Symbols’, Blogspot (online), http://janeeyreoutsidereading.blogspot.com/, [Accessed April 11, 2010].

Lewis, L. 2001, ‘The Representation of the Doubleness of Selfhood.’, Literature Study Online (online), http://www.literature-study-online.com/essays/bronte_rhys.html, [Accessed April 11, 2010].
Spark Notes (online), 2010, ‘Jane Eyre’, http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/janeeyre/themes.html, [Accessed April 11, 2010].

Metaverse part 4 (ending) - (continued from post in November 2009)

2011-08-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

The prison that she would sit in for forty days and forty nights, clawing at her hands with her nails to release the tension. But she would stop eventually - the punishment of her exile from the greater Russian society. She would be redeemed by the men who would make love to her in the night, oily skin hot against their bodies in the prison. Some of them raped her, coming up behind her in the shower and she would scream and be strangled by pillowslips.

But that was over now and she was free from that. Her ambition was to write a new novel. Something fresh about androids or dragons. Something with fantasy and love in it, with Elvin language woven as a tapestry in the veins of the storyline. They would chatter in the Elvin lore and she would swoon at the thought of that language. She wanted to be pure as the largest wave on the planet Earth. She wondered if other planets had bigger and better waves on them. Maybe out past VY Canis Majoris there was some small planet (relatively small), like Earth that held intelligent life. Maybe on this tiny planet, miniscule in its isolated magnificence, there were humanoid like reptilians or some such bizarre and calculated creature that would swim amongst the water lilies and kiss each other, in love, always in love, forever more.

But her main job was as a secretary at Myers, in Leningrad. She liked Lenin, sure, sure, he was masculine. She could of married Lenin, back in the 1920s, but they were now entering the decade of the 2010s or the 10s. It was an exciting time for all branches of biological science. Anyway she had forgotten to take her Lamictal for her bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder was reaching epidemic levels these days. The Naluza government in Russia had put a certain secret chemical in the water supply. The chemical triggered manic episodes. She thought it was called Citalopram. They were using the antidepressant in trace qualities in the water supply. It came from the Lemina dam up in the town of Krushev, which was 40 miles northwest from her apartment in Leningrad, that she was currently sitting in. Anyway, she thought in her internal dialogue - the Citalopram was good for some, but extremely bad for others. It caused all sorts of side effects, diarrhoea, incontinence, constipation, dizzy spells and a whole host of physical complaints. She was talking to her hubby:

'Why on Earth did they put Citalopram in the water supply.'
'Because they're stupid. Do you want to watch Fight Club?'
'Don't change the subject dear. It is an antidepressant. Mental Illness is a fictional construct, created by conspiring governments. The Americans are good pals with the English and Russians. This is a plan to slow down the minds of the masses in order to coerce them to consume the information portals.'
'Okay, honey, I am putting on a Blue Ray.'

So, she was upset at this gross injustice. What did gross mean anyway?

She flicked through the Men's Monthly that had recently come on the market and as she looked outside the window, she felt a great urge to be free of the chemical control of Celexa, as the generic was named.

She wanted to go fishing down by the river, but it was like she could not decide whether to go or not. She thought about it for ten minutes and then announced to her husband...

Essay on Two Short Stories

2011-08-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

COMPARISON BETWEEN OFF-SHORE WITH HIAWATHA AND ZOLA

Off-shore with Hiawatha is a story written by Elizabeth Colbert and Zola is a short story written by Luke Dunne. Both are centered on the theme of post-colonialism and modern technology and fit within the genre of surrealism. In this essay I will be using journal articles, including Hybridity in Caribbean Writing, internet sites and books including The Empire Writes Back to support my argument. My argument is that the two stories are surrealist and largely influenced by modernism and postcolonial writings.

The short story: Zola, begins in the past before the aliens invaded and talks about cryogenics, which is used as a preface to the rest of the story. The introduction is only one page long and gets the basic information out about the story. The introduction leads into the first programming fragment of story, which leads to a break, another battle and then finally a conclusion. The conclusion offers an ending, but is ambiguous as the humans are still in a war with the Arcturians. There is tension in the middle with the characters discussing what is going to happen when they fight in the underworld. There is a sense of shock in the middle part of the story, which sets up the end of the story, which is full of happiness and glory. There is a lot of sexual tension between Zola and Alice and they both bond through their position as postcolonial outcasts. Both Hiawatha and Zola are written in the third person and in the present tense. Hiawatha is less linear and more of a slowly plotted piece of writing. There is more use of unusual adjectives and surrealist language in Hiawatha, while Zola is more of a action story. Both stories bring up the basic theme of science versus nature. The postmodernist technique of pastiche is used in the word salad speech of Alice Bowie. An example of bizarre use of language in Zola is the phrase: ‘morosely in reality, a real Earth.’ (Dunne, 2010) Thus both stories are similar and use similar writing techniques to illustrate the main theme of postcolonialism.

It is said that the words of a writer emerge out of their cultural context (Ayling, 2010). Certain phrases carry a weight, which only exists inside the culture from which they come from. Without that culture the symbols and their arrangement which make up language would be non-existent (Ayling, 2010). The short story Hiawatha thus uses the point of view of an American watching a movie in order to deconstruct and critique the master narrative of western white discourse. A native language has a special resonance with those which belong to that particular culture. The cadences of the language are learned from the tomb of mortality (Ayling, 2010). I disagree with the argument made by essentialism, which states that a certain culture has an unchanging essence. The reason I disagree is because you chose who you are, rather than that existence being defined as having a essence, which is solely determined by your culture. Although some behaviours and thought are undoubtedly determined by culture, this is an over-simplistic view of the individual. Hiawatha makes a mistake in putting forth a stereotypical view of American Indians, which is informed by essentialism.

A new critical view of both of these stories ignores their cultural context and focus on literary techniques which define meaning (Siegal, 2010). New criticism posits that literature should be seen as autonomous and devoid of cultural considerations (Siegal, 2010). Both Hiawatha and Zola consist of a series of referential statements about the real world, rather than an organisation of complex experiences presented as literature. The author’s intention of both stories cannot be equated with a universal meaning and neither can the way the text makes the reader feel (Siegal, 2010).

The narrative of postmodernist writing is presented as a alternative discourse to science. This is the way American Indians and the people in Zola are presented in these stories as more authentic or real. Cultural imperialism is aligned with science and presents short stories as fiction and subjective (Ashcroft, 2002). The voice of the native peoples is presented as being local and authentic, which is the essence of a postcolonial discourse (Ashcroft, 2002). Even to criticise colonialism, there must be a bed or foundation which is called a grand narrative (Ashcroft, 2002). The English in their invasion of America is imperialistic, which is defined as a state exercising power over a territory (Ashcroft, 2002). This authority is grounded in pageantry, which is a elaborate display of ceremony (Ashcroft, 2002). In this way the television and movies that the main character of Hiawatha is watching are a way of marginalising the discourse of native American peoples, through pageantry.

Both Zola and Hiawatha fill a key criteria for a good short story, in that both are heavily influenced by emotion and are strange. For example: ‘ ... pinpoints the ambiguity and strangeness of life ... expresses the ultimate meaning of all artistic creation as mood.’ (Bedford, 2010) Hiawatha is minimalist, while Zola is fast paced and driven mainly by plot. The Hiawatha story both exists in the present moment, but also in the history of American Indians. On the other hand my story jumps forward a millennium and assumes the existence of an alien race. ‘evanescent and subtle ... the way they leave a mysterious aftertaste so that the reader is inclined to be asking questions rather than be fulfilled ... ‘ (Bedford, 2010) The story Hiawatha has a certain evanescent subtle sentimentality. An example of this is the line: ‘Once buffalo roamed the prairies.’ (Colbert, 2010) Hiawatha presents the American Indians as very spiritual and connected to their ancestral background and the land. Thus both stories have important features of a typical short story, in being strange and evanescent.

Both short stories fit into the movement of Surrealism. Surrealism began in 1924 and has as its predecessor the art movement of Dada (Gullette, 2004). Surrealism, however, has a more positive message of life being a fantasy. Surrealism in general uses unusual juxtapositions and tries to achieve mystical art, which hints at underlying meanings in reality (Gullette, 2004). Surrealist writers tried to achieve absolute meaning (Gullette, 2004). An example of Surrealist writing in Off-shore with Hiawatha is: ‘the passengers are purveyors of the lost journey.’ This is an example of writing which tries to lift the reader to the very limits of reality. An example of dramatic and surreal writing in Zola is: ‘The mists of hell wafted and engulfed his thoughts. All he could feel was terror and doom.’ The content of these lines, suggests great and engulfing emotions in the characters in the novel. Both lines have a tone of finality and expectation of danger, which is a important surrealist technique.

Both Off-shore with Hiawatha and Zola fit into the literary genre of surrealism. They both use techniques from this genre, including pastiche, surreal writing, postcolonial themes, irony, comedy, and stream of consciousness writing. There are differences between the stories, with Zola being more plot driven and Off-shore with Hiawatha being slower in pace and more surrealistic. Both stories do well to deconstruct the master narrative of western discourse and present indigenous cultures in a positive, but stereotypical way.

REFERENCES

Ayling, D. 2010, ‘Hybridity in Caribbean Writing’, LLRO.

Ashcroft, B. Griffiths, G. Tiffin, H. 2002, ‘The Empire Writes Back’, Routledge, New York.

Bedford, J. 2010, ‘Introduction to Creative Writing Study Guide’, Southern Cross University, Lismore.

Colbert, E. 2010, ‘Off-short with Hiawatha’, Southern Cross University, Lismore.

Dunne, L. 2010, ‘Zola’, Gold Coast.

Gullette, A. 2004, ‘Surrealist Writers.’ alangullette.com (online), http://alangullette.com/lit/surreal/ [Accessed 10 Sept, 2010].

Siegal, K. 2010, ‘Introduction to Modern Literary Theory.’ kristensiegal.com (online), http://www.kristisiegel.com/theory.htm, [Accessed Sept 13, 2010].

Essay on Modernism and Beloved

2011-08-24T20:32:00.001-07:00

PROTEST AND MODERNIST WRITING IN BELOVED

In writing Beloved, Toni Morrison has portrayed African Americans as flawed people who deserve racial equality in a postcolonial world. In this essay I will draw references from the internet, journals, including: Signifying Structures and Liquid Alterity and books, including: The Empire Writes Back and Conversations with Toni Morrison to outline this argument. The main points of this essay is that Beloved is a modernist novel, as evidenced by its use of surreal imagery and postcolonial themes, a protest novel and a feminist novel and is effective in all of these respects.

Although Beloved is a protest novel, it’s form is incompatible with the movement of post-structualism, but instead is a postcolonial novel. Morrison’s investment in agency, presence and the resurrection of authentic history make the novel incompatible with post-structualism (Davis, 1998). There is a connection between black protest and liberal academic discourse, which means that Beloved is informed by postmodernism, in that both movements argue for greater freedoms for individuals and social progression (Davis, 1998). Postcolonial writings seek to bring justice for oppressed groups and brings into question the legitimisation of the argument that the colonial power are more progressive than marginalized groups (Conway-Herron, 2010).

The best way to analyse Beloved is from a feminist and universal point of view. There are several ways of viewing black american literature, which include: national or regional models and race based models (Ashcroft, 2008). I prefer to see Beloved in the national model, rather than a model based on race, which is largely a social construct (Ashcroft, 2008). A race based analysis of Beloved puts too much importance on the victimization of black peoples, even though the power struggles in a racist society run both ways, with black peoples victimising white people as well. Thus the best way to analyse Beloved is from a feminism and universal perspective rather than the point of view of racial vilification.

Black writers of the 20th century have been largely marginalized (Gunew, 1992). For example there is a lack of female writers on the Modern Library’s list of the best novels of the 20th century. Black American writers tend to be unbiased and both castigate and encourage black peoples (Mackay, 1997). Sethe is a schizotypal like figure who believes in ghosts and magick, which is deconstructed by most modern readers as superstition, but would resonate with black females living in slavery in the 19th century. Many of the men Sethe lived with in Beloved are lusting after her, which gives her power as the lead female in the novel and makes her the centre of attention in the novel. Although the characters are marginalized as black slaves, they gain power and redemption through their sexuality and human qualities (Spark Notes, n.d.).

Beloved is a modernist novel, because of it’s use of time shifts and stream of consciousness writing, which is used in order for the reader to get inside the head of the characters. ‘... turn away from the techniques of representation of nineteenth-century realism towards formal experimentation has left an ambiguous legacy.’ (Columbia University, n.d.) Black Americans are expected to write modernist novels about oppression, which still stereotypes the average Black American as a protester, even though there is more depth (including modernist techniques) than what is expected by the mass in Morrison as a writer. The text of Beloved is cyclic and has a complex metaphorical structure and shifting semantics (D’Cruz, n.d.). It shifts time zones regularly, going back to traumatic events in the past, such as Sethe’s time in slavery (D’Cruz, n.d.). It uses vivid language and imagery to paint a portrait of the characters thoughts and experiences, which is another modernist technique. An example of this is the poemL ‘Faeries dance around their Queen.’ (Morrison, 1987, pp. 95) The queen could be seen as Beloved or Sethe, which many of the characters are attracted to. Another example of the eccentricity of the narrative and characters is: ‘her skinny hands wrapped around her knees.’ (Morrison, 1987, pp. 95) This is an example of childlike innocence and makes Denver more real and likeable. These examples show that Beloved has an atypical structure and unorthodox characters which bring the novel fully to life and make it a formidable novel in the modernist movement.

Morrison’s writing falls into two genres: Modernism and African America literary protest. Modernist novels rebel against the technique of realism and lean towards experimentation (Columbia University, n.d.). Modernist techniques contain racial crises in the use of self-referential play (Columbia University, n.d.). Extremists may argue that a postmodern world has no history, and that history has been annihilated, however, this view has no basis in reality, because we can observe clearly the changes in history occurring now, including global terrorism and neo-liberalism (Davis, 1998). Postmodernists stand against any grand narrative and the objectivity of modernist and humanistic intellectuals. Black writers in particular made inroads for their race in the 1970s, even though they are drawing from a grand narrative. Beloved is a protest novel, because it uses themes of the supernatural and realism in order to critique the master narrative of white 20th century discourse (Davis, 1998).

Contemporary writing is often self-referential and playful, which is in response to crises in the early 20th century, including world war one and apartheid in South Africa (Columbia University, n.d.). Intractable conflict occurs in many regions that have been colonised by the Soviet Union or Western European countries in the past. This conflict can be caused by many events, including ‘territorial boundaries, the treatment of indigenous populations, the privileging of some groups over others, the uneven distribution of wealth, local governmental infrastructures, and the formation of non-democratic or non-participatory governmental systems.’ (Marker, 2003) Thus racial tensions lead to conflicts, which has been presented in Beloved in a unorthodox writing style, which mixes well with this theme.

Morrison’s Beloved is a perfect example of a hybrid novel, in that it calls forth all sorts of colour and flavour of human history (McCarthy, 1995). It tells the story of a woman named Sethe who kills one of her daughters in order to escape the pull of slavery in the United States (Spark Notes, n.d.). Sethe is very brave, but also flawed in her anger towards her captors. The white slave owner in the novel takes the place of the father in Beloved (D’Cruz, n.d.). The character Beloved acts as a surrogate for Sethe as one of her daughters has been killed (Spark Notes, n.d.). The characters in Beloved are plagued by superstition, which is part of their African roots. Even though the novel takes on many influences, which make it a hybrid novel, it is also primarily a protest and feminist novel and should be interpreted as thus (McCarthy, 1995).

The portrayal of women in Beloved creates a dichotomy between the temporal opposites of the male and female. The male have power and voice, while females are silenced but destructive, which can be seen in the character Sethe. There is a potent parallel between the goddess: Kali and Sethe, in that both are bloodthirsty female villains, who are hell bent on achieving success (Harris, 1993). To Sethe the behavior and thoughts she experiences appear logical and thus emerge from the traumatic stress of danger and slavery (Harris, 1993). In writing Beloved, Toni Morrison has defeated the complicity between language and male domination in giving the female characters a centralised voice. In a typical 19th century colonial text slaves are shown to benefit from their slavery and women are portrayed as slum mothers or housewives, which is deconstructed by the novel, thus creating a new dichotomy.

Morrison is pontificating in Beloved that there is no way out for Sethe. Sethe is trapped in murderous urges and also the threat of slavery and is chained to her past; using it to cause chaos and suffering. Part of the story illumes this dichotomy: ‘Suspended between the nastiness of life and the meanness of the dead.’ and also ‘The welcoming cool of chiseled headstones.’ (Morrison, 1987) This is Morrison using morbid imagery and energy to suggest that suicide is a urge that seems to hold a escape, but is truthfully a mirage. It is a dark gothic way of presenting the characters as awaiting Christian judgement in what is a predominantly Christian region. Morrison’s depiction is surreal and underlies the urgency of the characters and the urgency of the 19th century in history.

Morrison writes that ‘Denvers secrets are sweet.’ (Morrison, 1987, pp. 34) Denver plays in the woods and it is said by Morrison that her imagination is her own food. Morrison uses a metaphor to add colour to the character: Denver and to make her seem mysterious. The phrase ‘Wore her out’ on page two is repeated twice for emphasis (Morrison, 1987, pp. 2). Morrison makes the house named: 124, seem like a character in Beloved, as a magical place where amazing things are occurring. Morrison says that ‘the tender embrace of the sleeve made Denver remember the details of her birth.’ (Morrison, 1987, pp. 34) This phrase creates a sense of nostalgia and creates warmth and unity in the novel. The characters hold secrets from each other because they are human and not perfect. Denver is presented as charismatic and as a strong female character is therefore important to the feminist ideal of freeing women from their status as ‘black’ or ‘slave’.

In Poppie Nongena it is said that “...unruly political substance, its birth in the violent crucible of the [Soweto] uprising, its doubled and contradictory female authorship, its violation of racial, gender, class and aesthetic boundaries...” The Soweto uprising occured in South Africa in the 1970s. It occured because of the racist policies of the ruling National Party Government. Similar racist policies were in place in the time where Beloved was set. The black peoples of the world, thus in dual with each other fought back against these racist policies in order to achieve racial union. Postcolonialism came out of the racist climate of World War Two and was a important period and theme which put a metaphorical lid on the tensions which occurred before world war two. Thus it would not make sense for Black Americans to see christianity as a beacon of hope, because it does not address the issue of racial injustice (Kitchener, 2010).

Christian piety is important in the movement of emancipating Black Americans from slavery. African Americans in history lived in houses, which strengthens the history of colonialism, slavery, and racial segregation (Kitchener, 2010). Even though the houses were set up to resist the racist narrative, they are still a setting and signal, which open up paradoxes for African Americans (Kitchener, 2010). In constrast to African American religion is the Christian notion of piety, which allows Black Americans to escape slavery after the catalyst, which was the Civil War. Thus African Americans were enslaved because of right wing Christian ideology and were freed due to the same christian ideology, but with a benevolent essence.

The characters in Beloved are flawed and failed humans, who are dealt injustice because of slavery. Beloved is a important modernist work, which deconstructs itself and the colonialism which led to world events like Apartheid and the Second World War. It is effective largely because of its modern use of abstraction and magical use of language. Overall because of its use of dark and gothic imagery, realism and postcolonial deconstruction, Beloved is a example of new literature which puts light onto the past as dark and constraining for African Americans and women in general.

REFERENCES

Ashcroft, B. Griffiths, G. Tiffin, H. 2008, The Empire Writes Back, Routledge, USA, New York.

Columbia University (online), n.d., ‘From Realism to Modernism’, http://www.columbia.edu/cu/english/orals/realism_modernism.htm, [Accessed 24 July, 2010].

Conway-Herron, J. 2010, ‘Issues and Themes Study Guide’, Southern Cross University, Lismore, New South Wales, pp. 20-29.

Davis, K. 1998, ‘Post-modern Blackness’, Find Articles (online), http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0403/is_2_44/ai_53260178/, [Accessed 15 July, 2010].

D’Cruz, D. n.d., ‘The Liquid Alterity of the maternal-feminine’, Massey University. [Accessed 15 July, 2010].

Gunew, S. Longley, K. 1992, ‘Striking Chords - Multicultural Literary Interpretations’, Allen and Unwin, Sydney, Australia.

Harris, T 1993, ‘Beloved: From fiction to folklore’, in The Novels of Toni Morrison, University of Tennessee Press, Knoxville, pp. 151–183.

Kitchener, L. 2010, Signifying Structures: Representations of the House
in African-American and Black Southern African Women’s Writing, Howard University

Mackay, N. 1997, ‘Reflections on black women writers’, in RR Warhol & DP Hendl (eds), Feminisms: An Anthology of Literary Theory and Criticism, Macmillan Press Ltd, Hampshire, pp. 151–161.

Marker, S. 2003, ‘Effects of Colonization’, Beyond Intractability (online), http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/post-colonial/?nid=6712, [Accessed 24 July, 2010].

McCarthy, C. 1995, Cultural Studies Journal, Issue 2, Volume 9, ‘The Hypocrisy of Completeness’, pp. 247 - 255.

Morrison, T. 1987, ‘Beloved’, Random House, Great Britain, pp. 2, pp. 34, pp. 95.

Spark Notes (online), n.d., Beloved, http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/beloved/summary.html, [Accessed 24 July, 2010].

Second Essay from 2010

2011-08-24T00:06:00.001-07:00

COMPARISON BETWEEN MURDER IN UTOPIA AND THE FIG TREE

In this essay I will be exploring the similarities between The Fig Tree and Murder in Utopia. I will be doing this will the aid of The Empire Strikes Back, Literary Theory by Mary Klages and Readings 5.1 and 5.2 from the Study Guide. In many ways both novels show the damage the imperial project has done to Aboriginal society, which resulted in murder and binge drinking. The Fig Tree contrasts and draws together Jewish and Greek culture and Australian culture and illumes the similarities between the two cultures. Both novels are realist in style, which works well with the postcolonial discourse embedded in them.

Arnold Zable was born in New Zealand in 1947 and grew up in inner Melbourne. He travelled and lived extensively, which has undoubtedly informed the novel. He speaks of Jewish tradition, Aboriginal issues and education. He is devoted to the project that is multiculturalism. The non-fiction stories in The Fig Tree are about displaced people coming to home and are very relevant to the current debate about border security (Jewish Australia, 2010).

The first similarity between The Fig Tree and Murder in Utopia is the use of wondrous and vivid imagery to convey similar meanings. An example of this in The Fig Tree is the phrase: ‘the gumnut seems like a vase,’ and ‘dew laden grass,’ (Zable, 2002). An example of a similar description in Murder in Utopia is: ‘drove his vacant cab in a monotonous and circular route,’ (McLaren, 2009, pp. 45). Both descriptions are describing and creating an atmosphere of being trapped. The route in Murder in Utopia is circular, which mirrors how the characters feel trapped. The gumnut is described as a vase which also seems to mirror the entrapped internal natures of the characters in the both novels. The description of the grass is a cliché but is used well in order to ground the narrative in traditional westernised writing. Thus both novels do well to present reality through metaphor and vivid imagery.

The occupation of many of the characters in both novels work to undermine their sense of place and their mapping of that place (Carter, 1992). The dialogue in both novels depends largely upon the give and take of language across that space (Carter, 1992). Before Australia was invaded by Britain, Aboriginal society was highly functional (Mudrooroo, 1997). It is displayed in both novels that the colonisation has resulted in much pain and suffering. This chasm is highlighted by Aboriginal writers, who give secondary importance to aesthetic concerns and favour the overriding message of their artwork (Mudrooroo, 1997). Art does not exist in a vacuum and is a social act (Mudrooroo, 1997). Thus, Murder in Utopia is an important novel because of its message although it does not achieve a high standard of progressive writing.

The cultures in The Fig Tree are heavily influenced by their ancestral history (Conway-Herron, 2010). The novel The Fig Tree is a regional writing and illumes the effect of Australia on the characters’ developing cultural identity. The characters in The Fig Tree, including Lily are mirrored by the Haptic landscape, which both alienates the characters and draws them in (Conway-Herron, 2010). There is a sense of tradition and connection to nature in the Fig Tree. For example: ‘the storms erupt and recede,’ and ‘the wind hisses,’ (Zable, 2002). You get a sense in the novel that the characters are connected to nature, which is similar to the spirituality of the Aboriginals in Murder in Utopia. The reaction of the parents of the characters, and to their new landscape mediates their reaction to the landscape through the nexus which is language. As the Fig Tree grows the character Lily dies due to cancer, which is a parallel to the cyclic and ever changing nature of life (Conway-Herron, 2010).

A form that is common among the indigenous peoples of Australia is the song cycle (Conway-Herron, 2010). Both novels are similar to this song cycle in that they chart the change over time of local inhabitants. The novel Murder in Utopia is based around true stories of Aboriginal culture and is presented in traditional writing that is neither modernist or postmodernist, but rather postcolonial. Writers often retreat from society in order to judge and become conscious about reality. Aboriginal writers are constrained to writing about real events. You could hardly imagine a aboriginal writer writing a cyberpunk story, which shows that this expectation is containing. Thus they are reviewed with in mind their cultural heritage and background. Muecke posits that ‘autobiographical attempt to inscribe a politics of Aboriginal coming-to-consciousness on the same page
as a post-Freudian journey of self-discovery’ (Conway-Herron, 2010). Thus both novels have an autobiographical slant which deconstructs the dominant ideology of western civilisation.

The English language is owned by all who speak it, which includes Aboriginal and indigenous peoples. The English empire when invading Australia exported a superstructure, whereby British cultural standards were upheld (Klages, 2006). This includes English departments, which uphold hegemony. In Murder in Utopia the colonised Aboriginals speak a double voice, both being influenced by Britain and by their ancestral heritage (Klages, 2006). This is illumed by the fact that some of the characters are a mix of aboriginal and westerner, which is seen in the binge drinking, ambition and decadence.

The character Alexander in The Fig Tree seems wise beyond his years and very much a product of English culture. His grandfather was a explorer, which weighs his psyche down in the tradition of the English empire. Zable suggests that there is not a large difference between different generations. There is a large sense of family history in the novel, with Alexander believing in the mythology of his country, which is illumed by this excerpt: ‘It is said that an ancient city is under polis bay,’ and also ‘He talks to the animals,’ (Zable, 2002). In many ways Alexander is a typical boy of his age and owns his innocence and history. He seems to be influenced by western as well as aboriginal culture, which is shown in his ancestry.
The character Carla in Murder in Utopia is remarkably strong and influenced by the dominant culture in Australia when the novel is set. Carla is full of fantasy, but at the same time is Aboriginal and career minded. This is not a stereotypical portrayal of an indigenous young women. Early in the novel she witnesses a clash between different Aboriginal groups and is raped as a result. Her father protects her, which indicates a typical portrayal of males as powerful and masculine. She never was indoctortrined into Christianity and thus did not inherit the dominant culture, which suppresses the marginalized Aboriginal culture. England largely exported its superstructure to the empire and through this exportation many Aboriginals became part of western society (Klages, 2006). Carla is an example of a women who is very western and yet was never exposed to western culture. This suggests that there is not much difference between the two cultures.

Aboriginal writings address the issue of inclusion and reclamation of areas and geography (Kitchiner, 2010). The house is a instrument of representation which counters universal norms. The house is a symbol which enslaves those who the imperial empire wish to suppress (Kitchiner, 2010). Women in the Victorian era described houses as areas of containment for women and colonised peoples. Before the invaders of Australia came the indigenous peoples had tens of languages and lived out in nature. You can sense that the introduction of the house has destroyed much of Aboriginal culture, which has led many Aboriginals to turn to dark paths, such as beer and drugs, which is crystallized in Murder in Utopia (Kitchiner, 2010). Thus Murder in Utopia has presented imperialism in a dark light and calls for reclamation of geographical regions.

Both novels are very cinematic in their explanation of the lives of Aboriginals and Europeans. You can almost feel the emotions and struggles of the down to Earth characters. An example of this is: ‘making his way towards the unknown.’ (Zable, 2002) This phrase from The Fig Tree gives a sense of someone trying to find their true home and someone who is lost, which means that immigrants often feel lost in their new culture. Natural phenomenon of rain and drought are realistically described, which creates a sense of stage and cinema in The Fig Tree. The narrator is changed half way through a chapter in the novel, which gives you a sense that The Fig Tree is set on a grand scale. Thus both novels are set on a cinematic scale, like a movie, which make them effective cultural statements.

The writers of Murder in Utopia and The Fig Tree speak to the living realities of struggle. There is a drift in Australian society to decolonialism, where native peoples who have been colonised, regain their original identities. The cultural significance of the native peoples mythology constitutes a collective identity. This is illumined in the novel Murder in Utopia. The Aboriginals of Australia have been persecuted by the cultural imperial project, which has affected them economically and politically. This is displayed in the hegemonic law and order mission. Murder in Utopia presents a stereotypical view of Aboriginals. The cypress they met is talked about like a wise old man and it reflects the sun. This is an example of a stereotypical view of Aboriginals as being spiritual and wise. Aboriginals are also presented as drunken fools and some of the black characters in Murder in Utopia try to commit suicide, which shows a level of immaturity, which is the result of the breakdown of their culture arising from the imperialistic mission.

Both novels both chart territories of difference and diversity in aboriginal and european culture. Murder in Utopia is a example of regional writing which contrasts the effect of place on the writer. The place in Australia where the novel is set is in McLaren’s backyard, thus his childhood experience has a large bearing on his writing. The writing in Murder in Utopia is very down to Earth and simplistic as well as in The Fig Tree. In the story there are crimes, dead bodies to be dissected, fishtailing vehicles and alcoholic main characters (Conway-Herron, 2010). These kind of problems are ingrained in the collective unconscious of Australians. Specific Australia cities develop separate characters which are based upon the region which forms these characters. A Haptic space gives external expression to the need for community. Both The Fig Tree and Murder in Utopia do this, but the towns are so isolated that the characters are devoid of a traditional moralistic western view of reality. In many ways Murder in Utopia presents the diversity of Australia and this view is informed from Mclaren’s experiences.

Both novels are about lost innocence. This is presented in the use of childish imagery of the Aboriginal natives. For example: ’the gumnut seems like a vase,’ (McLaren, 2009). This is a example of imagery which is derealized, which means a detachment from the external reality in favour of imagination and surreal thoughts. Many of the characters in both novels are going through drastic life changes, leading to alcoholism and murder, which is a large loss of innocence.

The divine presence in The Fig Tree is Zable’s imagination and cultural condition. The self of the Europeans can bear witness but be removed from reality and not judge immoral actions as being traumatic. This false perception almost reaches the intensity of mental illness, where imagination and primitive views of reality result in great anger. The second chapter of The Fig Tree tells the story of Zable’s fathers last years and is down to Earth and realistic in this depiction (Freadman, 2005). Zable’s experience is the foundation of his writing and allows him critique reality accurately.

Both through form and content, The Fig Tree and Murder in Utopia make profound and realistic depictions of native culture and Australian culture in general. Both are realist novels and have the content which you would expect of Aboriginal and Jewish writing. Both novels have the theme of postcolonialism and lost innocence, which is conveyed using wondrous imagery and lyricism. These cinematic novels cover a full scope of Australian culture and thus are important postcolonial statements.

REFERENCES

Ashcroft, B. Gareth, G. Tiffin, H. 2002, ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, 2nd Edition, Routledge, Oxon.

Carter, P. 1992, ‘Lines of communication: Meaning in the migrant
environment’, in Striking Chords: Multicultural Interpretation, Allen &
Unwin, Sydney, pp. xv–xxiv.

Conway-Herron, J. 2010, ‘Issues and Themes Study Guide’, Southern Cross University, Lismore, Topic 7.
Jewish Australia (online). 2010, ‘Arnold Zable’, http://www.jewishaustralia.com/arnoldzable.htm, [Accessed 29 August, 2010].

Kitchiner, L. 2010, ‘Signifying Structures’, Howard University, Washington D.C.

Klages, M. 2006, ‘Literary Theory’, Continuum International Publishing Group, London.

McLaren, P. 2009, ‘Murder in Utopia’, SOS Print & Media Group, Australia.

Mudrooroo 1997, Chapter 2: ‘Indigenous literature in English’, in
Indigenous Literature in Australia, Hyland House, South Melbourne,
pp. 33–47.

Zable, A. 2002, ‘The Fig Tree’, The Text Publishing Company, Victoria, pp. 79.

Essay I wrote from 2010

2011-08-23T23:40:00.000-07:00

Essay Question: How does Julian Barnes’s Flaubert’s Parrot utilise postmodern writing strategies?

The novel Flaubert's Parrot is a narrative about the life of Gustave Flaubert. It's use of theme, structure and writing style are all examples of postmodernism . This includes the use of maximalism, surrealistic writing, poetic language and fragmentation of voice. I argue Flaubert's Parrot is a key example of a postmodern novel in it's use of these techniques and it's modernist and dada influences. In this essay I provide examples from the novel and compare them to the literary movement of postmodernism. I will use readings from the internet, Mary Klages book, Karoui-Elounelli’s writing and Niall Lucy’s writing to support my argument .

Postmodernism in whole rejects western beliefs as being only part of the totality of knowledge (Herron, 2010 p. 54). Postmodernists claim there are other cultures that have a equally valid opinion about the nature of truth. The movement of postmodernism presents meanings as diverse and subjective. It claims that reality is in the signifier, rather than the object of discourse: the signified. This is seen in the ambiguous language used in Flaubert’s Parrot. In Flaubert's Parrot words take on multiple meanings and the discourse of the novel is diverse and varied. The novel is verbose and uses words in unheard of contexts. For example, the word 'bourgeoisphobe' is used to indicate a disapproval of communism as seen from a western perspective and is an example of verboseness (Barnes 1984 , Chapter 1). There is the use of satire. eg. ‘bibliophilic lust’ (Barnes, Chapter 1). This term is used to make fun of the literary canon and the ‘meta-narrative’ of western discourse. Another example is: ‘Flaubert is a bald man with a drooping mustache.' (Barnes 1984, Chapter 1) This phrase could be seen to be ageist and sexist against men. A bald rights activist may see this phrase as derogatory. Flaubert’s Parrot therefore satires the western discourse which presents racism as bad and equality as good. 'You can define a net in two ways. A collection of lines, or a collection of holes' (Barnes 1984, Chapter 3) This is a example of fragmentation of the discourse of the dominant culture, in that words can have many meanings, not just one . In these ways Flaubert’s Parrot casts doubt upon the underlying structures of our civilisation and rejects western beliefs as only part of the larger picture, which is key philosophical ideal of postmodernism.

The movement of postmodernism is about fragmentation and paradox, which is seen in the literary movements which preceded it (Barth, 1998) (Holcombe, 2007). Postmodernist writings have their root in the movements of dada, surrealism, modernism and fluxus. Dada writers celebrated chance and parody and attacked the central role of the artist (Esaak, n.d.). Another key movement which postmodernism emerged from is modernism. This profound and progressive movement applied structural changes to modes of expression, such as stream of consciousness as displayed in Ulysses by James Joyce and To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. The authors of these novels are writing from the first person point of view in order to describe the feelings and thoughts of the protagonists (Mepham, 2003). Postmodernism is the synthesis and transcendence of its antitheses, which is modernist writing (Fu Jen University, n.d.). In this way it takes on influences from the previous avant-garde movement: modernism and creates a new avant-garde, which emerged after World War Two. Modernist writing presents life as tragic and posits that reason can discover the whole of reality and life's ‘tragic’ nature, while on the other hand postmodernist writing is about abandoning universal meanings in favour of fun and iconoclasm (Klages, 2006). In this way it can be shown that Flaubert’s Parrot is influenced by modernist writing, in its use of the technique of stream of consciousness and first person narration.

The novel Flaubert’s Parrot uses many postmodernist techniques, including: surrealistic writing, intertextuality, absurd writing, circular writing and self-referentially (Barth, 1998) (Holcombe, 2007). Early on in the novel the composition of a statue is described in mathematical terms (Barnes 1984, Chapter 1 Chapter 1). An example of the use of poetic and surrealistic language is the following line: ‘...the face of a political sage much admired in the desert’ (Barnes 1984, Chapter 1). This line in any other novel would make no sense, but in Flaubert’s Parrot the line serves the purpose of being mystical, fantastical and detached from reality. There wouldn’t realistically be many people in the desert who could admire a political icon, who is referred to as a ‘sage’. Another example of postmodern writing is: 'What chance did the biographer stand against the subject' (Barnes 1984, Chapter 7). This phrase is self-referential, absurd and circular. The real writer is Barnes, while Braithwaite is just a instrument of Barnes in order to create satire. The theory of intertextuality demonstrates that texts are: ’ a tissue of inevitable, and to an extent unwitting, references to and quotations from other texts’ (Allen, 2005). The narrative constructs mirror images of the key figures: Flaubert and Braithwaite. These examples show there are intertextual themes in the novel Flaubert's Parrot, which is key technique of postmodernism. In using all these techniques and writing style, Flaubert's Parrot is the perfect example of a postmodern novel.

Barnes has influences from other prominent postmodernist writers, such as Beckett and Pynchon. Pynchon's writing is random and sprawling, which is very similar to Barnes's writing. Some postmodernist writers use techniques such as the cut-up technique and Beckett’s disintegration of the narrative form, who won the Nobel prize for literature in 1969 (Finney, 1994). An example of this in Flaubert’s Parrot is the technique of Poioumenon, which means the story is about the process of creation. This is shown by the fact that Flaubert’s Parrot is about a writer (Braithwaite) who is writing about a writer (Flaubert). Postmodernism emerges out of the cultures technological progress and thus runs parallel to postmodernist movements in art and architecture, such as: post-painterly abstraction (which uses pastiche and collage, just like Barnes does) and outsider art (Wwar.com, 2009). An example of a pastiche is on pg. 64 in the absurd description of Flaubert meeting General Morandi, in particular the sentence: 'culumny put about by the british aristocracy that Byron had deteriorated morally while in Greece.' Thus, it can be shown that Flaubert’s Parrot draws influences from many movements, including art in its use of pastiche .

Postmodern literature blurs genres, transgresses them and mixes them (Perloff, 1988). Tristram Shady is another example of a postmodern novel, especially in its use of blank pages and marbled pages, to draw attention to the void which is the writer of the text (Lucy, 2000). Postmodern typography cannot be isolated from its thematics (Lucy, 2000). Therefore, the blank pages, glossaries and test that are used to expand the scope the novel cannot be isolated from the novels diffuse message. The novel is not a closed system, it exists in relationship to what it opposes. Good has its opposition in evil and male in female. This theory is illumined by Derrida, who claimed that everything in western civilisation exists on the continuum of good and bad (Reynolds, n.d.). In its use of alternate ways of displaying writing Flaubert’s Parrot shows aspects of postmodernist literature in general.

In Flaubert’s Parrot the voice of the writer is not distinct and unlike traditional western literature does not become a trope of authenticity and authority (Karoui-Elounelli, 2010). The voice of the writer is split between Geoffrey Braithwaite, Julian Barnes, and Flaubert himself. Flaubert’s Parrot undermines the persistent oral paradigm in western literature and instead retreats into a bizarre world of jokes and literary games (Karoui-Elounelli, 2010). Postmodern Literature’s aim is to ‘...to upset the generic boundaries between fictional narrativity and poetry and to minimize the traditional plot and realistic thematics of the conventional novel.’ (Karoui-Elounelli, 2010). An example of this is the use of a timeline at the beginning of the novel, a glossary and a test towards the end of Flaubert’s Parrot. Julian Barnes draws attention to other key figures Flaubert’s life, including Jean-Paul Sartre (Barnes, Chapter 12). Barnes describes Flaubert as a anti-realist, saying he was like Galileo, in that he denied the underlying dogma of his time (Barnes, Chapter 12). Barnes makes jokes about Flaubert, and although he is not serious, these jokes are an attempt to question the traditional voice of the western novel. Thus in these ways Flaubert's Parrot presents a metanarrative and has a unconventional structure, which embody the movement of postmodernism.

Overall Flaubert's Parrot is a great example of postmodern writing. It uses techniques such as satire, aleatory writing, pastiche, intertextuality, and multiple perspectives in order to create a satire of itself. The movement of postmodernism is largely about fragmentation, paradox and atypical writing, which is seen in other postmodernist novels which can be compared to Flaubert's Parrot, such as: Gravity’s Rainbow. Flaubert's Parrot is a postmodern novel also because of how it is influenced and draws upon the movements that came before it, such as: dada and modernism. Through its synthesis of these influences, its structure and stylistic features it is a key example of what is called postmodern literature.

REFERENCES

Allen, G. 2005, ‘Intertextuality’, Literary Encyclopedia (online), http://www.litencyc.com/php/stopics.php?rec=true&UID=1229, [Accessed May 17, 2010].

Barnes, J. 1984, 'Flaubert's Parrot', Random House, Great Britain, Chapters 1, 3, and 7.

Barth, J. 1998, ‘The Literature of Replenishment.’, Fu Jen University (online), http://www.eng.fju.edu.tw/Literary_Criticism/postmodernism/replenishment.htm, [Accessed May 7, 2010].

Esaak, S. n.d., ‘Dada - Art History 101 Basics’, About.com (online), http://arthistory.about.com/cs/arthistory10one/a/dada.htm, [Accessed May 17, 2010].

Finney, B. 1994, ‘Samuel Beckett’s Postmodern Fictions’, California State University (online), http://www.csulb.edu/~bhfinney/beckett.html, [Accessed May 17, 2010].

Fu Jen University (online), n.d., ‘Theories of Metafiction’, http://www.eng.fju.edu.tw/Literary_Criticism/postmodernism/metafiction.htm, [Accessed April 22, 2010].

Herron, J. 2010, Study Guide: Introduction to Written Texts, Southern Cross University, Lismore, NSW

Holcombe, CJ. 2007, ‘Postmodernism in Poetry.’ Textect.com (online), http://www.textetc.com/modernist/postmodernism.html, [Accessed 3 May, 2010].

Karoui-Elounelli. 2010, ‘Unsounded Vocality’, Mosaic, vol. 1, Issue 43.

Lucy, N. 2000, ‘Postmodern Literary Theory’, Blackwell Publishers Ltd., Malden, USA.

Mepham, J. 2003, ‘Stream of consciousness’, The Literary Encyclopedia (online), http://www.litencyc.com/php/stopics.php?rec=true&UID=1062, [Accessed May 17, 2010].

Reynolds, J. n.d., ‘Jacques Derrida’, Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy (online), http://www.iep.utm.edu/derrida/, [Accessed May 17, 2010].

WSCC University (online), n.d.,‘An Introduction to Modernism & Postmodernism.’ http://vc.ws.edu/engl2265/unit4/Modernism/all.htm, [Accessed May 7, 2010].

Wwar.com (online). 2009, ‘Art History: Postmodernism’, http://wwar.com/masters/movements/postmodernism.html, [Accessed May 17, 2010].

Ranking of Star Wars Films - I to VI

2011-08-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

1. Return of the Jedi

2. Empire Strikes Back

3. The Phantom Menace

4. Star Wars: A New Hope

5. The Revenge of the Sith

6. Attack of the Clones

Metaverse part 5

2011-07-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

The bell rang. It kept ringing. It rang in his ears. Philip’s ears. Philip’s soft ears. It drove him insane. The insanity was in his red blood. There was something carnal about the ringing of the bell. It made him feel uneasy and unsettled, like a bear about to be attacked by an eagle. An eagle with a huge wingspan. Maybe six feet wide in diameter. Philip was going for a walk through a forest and at the end he expected to find an animals body that he needed to bury for his master: Dr. Gregory. He worshipped the doctor, because the doctor had saved his life in the Battle of Hungary in 1495 back in one of the Crusades. They were Satanists and worshipped Lucifer. It was a tough path to take for Philip. It leads to heartache, misery, and doom. But this was his destiny, his own and he owned his destiny, no one but me. He was a good Satanist, they didn’t harm spirits or people, but some rituals and spells they performed were definitely part of the dark side of life. He did an evocation of a demon that morning. He had felt like he was turning into a spider, insanity and obsessiveness overtaking his mind. He had collapsed into a coma, but the great doctor had awakened him from his slumber. This was how it was in 1678. The witch burnings were underway. Many great souls were dying; many thousands were burning at the pyre. He had found a time portal into another dimension. It led into the metaverse, the convergence of worlds. He didn’t believe in the existence of hell, just another world to sink into after Earth. Him and the doctor did believe in an underworld, but they did not call it hell. They called it the netherworld, the underworld, where they had seen gigantic spiders, elves, many witches and dragons and fae. Him and the doctor were mixing a potion with secret ingredients. The potion would give them an entry into a certain dimension when they died. They were also skilled at morphing their bodies. Philip could grow a cup on his shoulder or a ladder on his back. It was funny when Dr. Gregory climbed up the ladder into a tree, which was very useful in tough circumstances. The next step for them was potion mastery. Philip knew that the doctor, as he politely called him was descended from spirits in the atmosphere. Good and evil spirits they were. So Philip was climbing Mt. Centauri, currently the tallest known mountain on Earth. It was in Eastern Europe that they toiled, in the underground water caves, with their ritual tools. He had a dagger (an athame), an altar board and cloth, with a pentacle and a chalice. They would pour salty water over each other as part of the ritual. They had bought the salt from the Dr. Henry markets, because the markets were also owned by a doctor.

Something then made Philip jump. He heard a voice in his ear:‘Your time has come. I am the god of hell.’ It didn’t bother Philip, he just put up with it. What to do, he thought. I am hearing voices and they don’t like me. ‘Serves you right for believing in Satan.’ He believed it was an angel sent from heaven. This sometimes happened to Satanists. So he told the voice to go away. It was a command. He knew it would work. It always did. But this time the voice came back. ‘I wish to suck your neck.’ Creepy! But he knew how to get it, he needed to repeat abracadabra inside his thoughts three times. Three was a magic number. He knew it would do wonders for thee. Thy thoughts are divine manifestations of the godhead young magi. My thought continues on in futuristic tunnels of light. Rainbow coloured tunnels, with big cyber bikes going at 500 km/h. This was heaven in Stockholm. I have entered into the metaverse at last; this is a taste of the beauty of a women, the women. I grow a ladder on my back and do a flip. I am destined to save the world from the spiders at the edge of the gate of time. This is my quest. This is my thoughts accelerating. Invocation is the key to success, and combined with the elixir of life it unlocks profound abilities. I am sweating profusely. It is painful switching between the dimensions. It is like being trapped in the Stargate. There is a gigantic baby like figure floating by in the sky. It is up in space and I am one with it. Maybe that baby is my thoughts and there is no one but me.

He was in a strange place. Maybe it was hell, maybe not. He had fallen down a ladder. Where is my master? He didn’t know where the master was, but this place is scary. Yes, it is. What do I do now? Where do I go with my thoughts? This is purgatory, young one. You have sinned. His countenance was furrowed. He had received ECT at the hospital. What is ECT? It is barbaric. I am antipsychiatry. I do not believe in the existence of thought paradigms. What about emotions, they are not real either. Where do I go? Where do I get found? This is a trap. I hate everyone. Myself included. This is not real, this is not happening. Wait, a light at the end of the tunnel. Soon I will come out of my cage and eat the flesh of cooked, stewed birds. The birds would flutter and fly, like little lions, with their pretty beaks. But to eat them, maybe that is sacrilege.

So I am now back in the hut, after my satanic meditation. Maybe I have confused you. Maybe you are confused, but first I will explain: I am able to go into different dimensions through my meditations. I sit on the grass outside my old hut, with the underground furnace and simply zone out for a while. I do not need to do it very long. It is like having dementia praecox, if you understand what that means. So my job from my master is to enter into the futuristic realm of the metaverse and create a program to destroy the monstrosity. The monstrosity of the flesh. So this is what I am doing now, with my meditations I am able to destroy the metaverse, bit, kilobit, by time, by space, by mine. So this is it. My master is pleased with my progress; the thought matrix is working well. I have destroyed the entity Zeldian and am about to destroy many other entities. I do not worship Satan, but when I am finished with this quest, I will travel to meet Nicolas Flamel the alchemist and arrange a meeting with the master of alchemy.

Merril Bainbridge - Mouth

2011-07-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YIIM1EVDqg

I really like this song. For the past week it has been my favourite song.

Otherkin

2011-07-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

The following is a link to an otherkin video on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zk_9C8H4f9U&feature=feedu

It really is a great video and explains the Veil and the 2012 prophecy.

I consider myself to be an otherkin Dolphin. I feel like I was a Dolphin in a past life and feel an infinity with Dolphins. I don't think I have Dolphin dna, but many otherkin feel this way.

Enjoy the video!

Metaverse part 3

2011-06-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

Veronika looked into the glass and saw her reflection tripled. There were three Veronika’s instead of one. One looked mean and malevolent, the other was hebephrenic and giggled, the last looked serious and stern. She liked the schizophrenic one the most, because she had disorganized schizophrenia and had previously been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. She wondered when she would get out of the cavernous hospital, which was a prison both in her mind and surrounding her. She gaped with her wide mouth open at the doorway that would lead her to where she wanted to be. It was still, but so far away at the same time. It begged her to enter the midst of the normals, as her schizophrenic friends liked to call them.

The doorway was white and looked frigid, much like her last lesbian lover. She took one step and felt nervous and apprehensive and then look around her three hundred and sixty degrees to determine whether she was being watched. She then took three steps backwards, and thought the affirmation: ‘I am freedom’. It was a nice affirmation and she found it comforting and warming. She lay down on her bed, could still see the trinity in the mirror, but chose to do nothing about it. It was time to rest and tomorrow she might knit, talk to her pals and do a bit of reading. She was reading Veronika Decides to Die, which was an apt name of a book considering how she had attempted suicide three times with Zoloft and Seroquel, but had failed all three times. She wanted to feel free as a bird and if that meant suicide, then so be it. She fell into a dream about whales. She was swimming with whales and they were talking to her and calling her fatty and obese. She woke up to sounds of the three Veronikas taunted her and saying she was useless.

The sunrise like a serpent over the setrine horizon. The blue birds chirped happily and all was well. Veronica woke up to find a nurse inspecting her eyes and asking her if she was okay after her psychotic episode last night. She replied that she was great and was looking forward to finishing the book she was reading. However, her thoughts felt tangled and uncertain. She felt like she was in a perfectionistic mood, like she always was in the morning. She picked at the muck around her eyes. She did not know the scientific name of what it was, but that was what she thought it was called. She also felt a bit tired and was worried and anxious that the hallucinations would appear again this morning.

I am the greatest person alive. I swim with fishes and glow like a god. I am invisible and my magnitude is bright as the brightest star in the sky. Feel my wrath as I grow. I explode like a hammer smashing into clay. The clay I found by the river, where I talk to my god: Yahweh, the almighty Christian god of the sun.

I swim amongst the lilies by the river of the mountain and the love of humanity flows in my veins. I am overflowing with water and mountain gew, my chin is a spout for humanities sins. I love everything and everyone, as I eat my Wheat Bix in the kitchen in the mental hospital. Goldie tries to engage me in conversation but I refuse, oh how I refuse. Veronika is a cutie I would like to love her forever in my nest. I have crushes on all the women here in the hospital, they are all beautiful and I want to shower them with kisses.

I get up and think a magnificent thought. Thoughts are eternal and never die. My life will continue on forever towards the Betelgeuse star in the sky. My writings will echo, and when I preach on the mountain, people will come to me like they came to Moses.

I decided that I was going to escape the mental hospital then and there. I snuck past the receptionist and made a run for it down the plasticine hallway. I was tackled by one of the guards who are meant to stop people trying to escape. I had been sectioned because I threatened to kill the president and ran amok in the local pharmacy. I dreamt continually of escape and hoped one day to get out of this hellhole. It was a horrible place where you were forced to take medication and were straight jacketed sometimes and sent into the isolation room, where you would become catatonic, like an isolated leper in Jesus’ time.
I was sent to my room for three hours in order to think about what I had done. They sure were angry, although I did not know why. It was like being stranded and estranged in space, falling forever into the black, then you hit a black hole and are sent off to another dimension. It would be cool to do that, but it was inevitable that I was to stay in the mental institution until they believed I had recovered enough to leave.

In the morning the tormented sailors drank semen from busty women. This danger heralds new dawns. She felt sick as a dog. A sailor broke into the mental ward. This was her thoughts what I wrote at the beginning of this paragraph.

Someone tried to stab her with scissors and she had fought back. She went home to talk to her mother about her imprisonment. She met someone lying dying on the sidewalk. There was a car accident on Lemon Street next to the service station. She had listened to some African tribal music and looked up the bipolar forum for Canada. She got back to the mental hospital at 6pm and had a discussion with the nurse at the front office about discrimination against the mentally ill. She said they shouldn’t be allowed to lock people up or section them. The nurse replied that someone needs to help them when they are suicidal and psychotic. Goldie said that she was not psychotic, she thought she was special. The nurse replied that this was a delusion. She talked about how lovely it would be to move to Russia. The nurse replied it was a pipe dream at best and a delusion at worst.

‘Isn’t it the other way around,’ she said, meekly.
‘No honey!’

She thought in her psychosis that the nurse meant they didn’t have honey. Oh how sweet life is she thought? Her brother was also in the mental institution with somatization disorder. He felt like his back had cracked in half, like a hammer had made an incision there. He hated the disorder. It had started two years ago when he started to feel really tired. The disorder had resulted in him thinking that he had chronic fatigue syndrome. Goldie thought that he perhaps had delusions because he had claimed there was no causality at all and that reality actually ran in a circle.

She wished she could get away from all the strife in her life. She was suffering like a baby being water tortured or like a person watching cricket for five days straight. When she got into her ward she shut her door and locked it. She was worried that they might become suspicious when she did this. She then picked at the scabs in her legs and made little holes in her thighs. It cained and she felt cut - not as in she was actually cut but in emotionally drained like a lemon being sucked dry by a young bouncy boy.

I am dictating something very important. You must listen to this dialogue. I am a ghost in the machine. I am timing this speech correctly. Listen. The time has come for a change of chemistry of the human race. The time has come for the deterioration into an age of darkness, where the weapons will be the hammer and the sickle. A descent into barbarianism. This is the fate of human kind and nothing will change it. I am destined to die eventually, but will be reincarnated. Humanity will enter a six thousand year gap of relativity. This will be the end of the computer age and the lemniscate will prevail. Fishes will swim and turn into humans with the giant dragons that are ancient dinosaurs making a comeback for eternities sake in the breast of a mother will come the death of millions of illegal immigrants and workers who fight for their right and destiny will prevail. Young son the cricketers will triumph will the dawn of eras past future now chemistry is just and rights behest.

This is time for grandiose delusions. I am the greatest person alive. Everyone loves me really sir do you really believe that. Is it a fictitious thought or is it something else. I entered the appointment with Dr. Ridley and I told him that I thought I am a very important religious figure. He did a reality test on me, I have read about those. He was wearing a striped shirt, with fluoro tie. I was wearing threadbare jeans with holes and them and little cum stains on them, with a plain orange t-shirt. The orange t-shirt is very bright and sometimes I catch people staring at me as I walk down the street with it on. I walk with my dad to go swimming at the beach and then in the afternoon the mental health workers try to get me to open up about my psychological difficulties. I suffer from pure obsessional OCD. One of my obsessions involves the paranoid or not-paranoid belief that by thinking about my thoughts and fearing the repetition of my thoughts I will make them repeat, whether intentionally or unintentionally causing them to repeat forever. To assuage this fear I become consciously unconscious of the thoughts. Ergo

Fluently but truantly. I masturbate and clean up the sperm with a tissue. I am worried that someone will clone me from the sperm and then replace me. Replace me with a alter of someone with DID. The person with DID has two alters, although they normally more at the number of three. One is called Susan, the other Michael and the person is called Libby. Susan is histrionic and expressive, she likes scrap booking and photography and Michael is highly sexually and androgynous.

I walked up the mountain and at the top I found a sickle and a hermit meditating. The hermit was belligerent and haughty and thought I was evil and ‘of Satan’. He had dreadlocks from not taking care of himself. I thought that perhaps he was suffering from simple schizophrenia, a condition in which you become isolated and stop talking, which are the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. My conversation with him went like this:

‘Hi, what’s up.’
‘Stop stealing my thoughts, my thoughts are fine cobs of corn. Oashtier.’
‘Okay, so what makes you think you thoughts are like cobs of corn.’
‘Damn man scam blam damn man.’ Trailing off into idiocy.
I tried to reason with the hermit, but he obviously was too far-gone. Old people suffering from insanity rarely recover, because the condition becomes chronic and takes over every aspect of their lives.

So I was indeed in the mental institution. I was looking at my stamp collection. I would stare at each stamp for about twenty minutes. I admit it is compulsive, but I found it entertaining. I lied about some factual information about myself to a sheriff one day. I told him the wrong address when he tried to pick me up for skateboarding on a highway at night. I have no idea why they outlawed skateboarding at night. It seems to be impeding free expression and the rights of the people.

Marks

2011-05-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

As part of my bachelor of arts course, with a major in Writing and Psychology, I have to sometimes wait a long time for my marks to come in. In a recent creative work I did on Heroin addiction, I got a Distinction +, but unfortunately I got a Fail/Resubmit in another subject on basically a very similar assignment. I sent it in a long time ago, but haven't got it back in about a month so far. Hopefully the marker received it and I can get at least a Pass mark.

Picture of a Rain Cloud

2011-04-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

Picture of a Rain Cloud on the Gold Coast.

Links to my noise music

2011-01-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=VirtualLightExperiments
http://www.archive.org/search.php?query=VirtualLight
http://www.archive.org/details/Beowulf_564 by Luke. D

Best Post-Rock Albums

2011-01-08T18:51:00.000-08:00

*1. Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven
* 2. Mogwai - Young Team
* 3. Windy and Carl - Depths
* 4. Bark Psychosis - Hex
* 5. Explosions in the Sky - Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever
* 6. Ganger - Hammock Style
* 7. Mono - You Are There
* 8. Labradford - Mi Media Naranja
* 9. Sigur Ros - ( )
* 10. Grails - Burning Off Impurities
* 11. Stereolab - Emperor Tomato Ketchup
* 12. 65daysofstatic - The Fall of Math
* 13. Do Make Say Think - Do Make Say Think
* 14. Cul De Sac - Crashes To Light, Minutes To Its Fall
* 15. Valley of the Giants - s/t
* 16. Tortoise - Millions Now Living Will Never Die
* 17. Gregor Samsa - 55:12
* 18. Talk Talk - Laughing Stock
* 19. Gastr Del Sol - Camoufleur
* 20. Yndi Halda - Enjoy Eternal Bliss
* 21. Rosetta - The Galilean Satilites
* 22. A Silver Mt. Zion - Born into Trouble As the Sparks Fly Upwards
* 23. Balmorhea - River Arms
* 24. Isis - Panopticon
* 25. Rachel's - The Sea and the Bells
* 26. Hrsta - Stem Stem in Electro
* 27. Long Fin Killie - Houdini
* 28. Maserati - Inventions for the New Season
* 29. Pg.lost - It's not me, It's You!
* 30. Laura - Radio Swan is Down
* 31. Do Make Say Think - Goodbye Enemy Airship the Landlord Is Dead
* 32. Set Fire to Flames - Sings Reign Rebuilder
* 33. Port-Royal - Flares
* 34. Pram - Helium
* 35. The Evaptoria Report - Golevka
* 36. Joy Wants Eternity - You Who Pretend To Sleep
* 37. Meanwhile, Back in Communist Russia - my elixir; my poison
* 38. Because of Ghosts - The Tomorrow We Were Promised Yesterday
* 39. Johnnytwentythree - JXXIII
* 40. Daturah - Daturah
* 41. The Sea, Like Lead/Belegost - Split
* 42. Destroyalldreamers - Wish I Was All Flames
* 43. God is an Astronaut - All is Violent, All is Bright
* 44. Surface of Eceyon - Revenge of Dragyn
* 45. Red Sparowes - At the Soundless Dawn
* 46. The Drift - Noumena
* 47. Tristeza - Dream Signals in Full Circles
* 48. If these Trees Could Talk - If these Trees Could Talk
* 49. Pelican - Australasia
* 50. Esmerine - Aurora

Honorable Mentions

Mogwai - Come on Die Young
Mogwai - Happy Songs for Happy People
Mono - Under the Pipal Tree
Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
Godspeed You Black Emperor! - F#A# (infinity)

Only roughly in order. Only one album per band.

harsh noise recommendations

2010-11-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

1. Merzbow - Hybrid Noisebloom
2. Hijokaidan - Romance
3. Fuck, the Retarded Girl - Abuse
4. Incapacitants
5. KK Null
6. Doki Doki
7. CJ Borosque
8. Masonna
9. Prurient
10. Genocide Organ

I think that Hybrid Noisebloom is the best album in the genre and a good place to start off with. You can find most of these artists of megadownload.net, torrents or a blog. Last.fm is also a good site for free downloads. rateyourmusic.com is a good site to record what you listen to and for recommendations. Enjoy!

Did a personality disorder test.

2010-10-17T21:24:00.001-07:00

Disorder	Rating	Information
Paranoid:	Low	more info \| forum
Schizoid:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Schizotypal:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Antisocial:	Low	more info \| forum
Borderline:	Low	more info \| forum
Histrionic:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Narcissistic:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Avoidant:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Dependent:	Low	more info \| forum
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High

Currently Listening

2010-10-16T18:23:00.001-07:00

To: Axolotl/Skaters - Tour Collaboration (noise)

and

Carlos Giffoni - Eternal Noise (harsh noise)

The Last Week

2010-10-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

This last week I've done several things. I went to the gym on Monday, I played squash on Wednesday and last night I went to a church and enjoyed music and played table tennis. I find it hard to motivate myself to do things, which is probably why I am not currently working, but doing study part time instead. The music at the church was amazing. It isn't the type of music I normally listen to, but the emotion behind it was wonderful.

Did a dp test ...

2010-09-28T23:35:00.001-07:00

The Steinberg Depersonalization Questionnaire

YOUR SCORE IS 42

Your score of 42 falls in the range of Severe Depersonalization (25-75).We recommend that you be evaluated by a professional who is trained in the administration of the full SCID-D interview. If your depersonalization has interfered with your relationships with friends, family or coworkers, or has affected your ability to work or has caused you distress, it is particularly important that you obtain a professional consultation.

Should an experienced clinician find that you have a dissociative disorder, you have a treatable illness with a very good prognosis for recovery. Your illness is widely shared by others who coped with trauma by using the self-protective defense of dissociation.

With proper treatment, in time you will no longer find it necessary to disconnect from yourself or your feelings. Eventually, as you grow strong enough to reconnect with your memories, feelings and behaviors and begin to accept them as your own, your depersonalization will be reduced and you will become a more integrated and psychologically healthy person.

Antipsychiatry Essay and Scientific Research

2010-09-27T20:50:00.000-07:00

http://www.stopshrinks.org/articles/op-ed_hoeller_8-29-03.htm

and

http://www.mindfreedom.org/kb/psychiatric-drugs/antipsychotics/neuroleptic-brain-damage

Fiona Apple

2010-09-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

Fiona Apple is now my new favourite artist. I love her voice and piano playing and lyrics. I already have over 50 plays on my last.fm from her three albums. I think her first album: Tidal is the best, followed by Pawn ...I completely agree with the sentiment of her MTV awards speech in 1997. When she sings it seems like her lyrics are coming from her heart.

tics and noise

2010-08-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

I am still listening to harsh noise. I find it harder to listen to it these days, but I still enjoy it.

For some reason everytime I read I get motor tics in my neck, so I have to wait to late afternoon or night to do my studies. The key to completing my studies is finishing all my readings on time, plus doing in depth research. I usually do 8 pages of notes and then use those notes to construct a first draft, which with edited and proof reading becomes the completed assignment.

Does God exist?

2010-08-02T02:51:00.000-07:00

Although many have experienced the power of god or gods, the existence of a god cannot be factually proven and the belief in god is always faith rather than fact. I have experienced a relationship between myself and god, but I believe that god is everywhere and exists in nature, rather than being a physical being. I believe in the divine power of nature and that divine power is manifest in our thoughts and beings, which means that if you experience god than that experience is real, but if you don't experience god then you haven't experienced the manifest of god in your thoughts, thus it does not exist for you, but exists as a potential energy which is open to everyone and is more powerful in times of crisis.

Existentialism

2010-08-02T02:46:00.000-07:00

The main premise of existentialism is that existence precedes essences. If you perform actions which go against your personal values of meaningfulness, then you are acting inauthentically. When we realize that we can perform any action we want to without regard to social norms or status quo, our total freedom leads to a existentialist crises, where we realize that life is inherently meaningless and that we can come up with our own meaning for our life. Acting against our personal values is inauthentic and leads to the detriment of the individual and their known or unknown state of absolute freedom.

sprained foot

2010-07-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

Today I have a sprained foot. When I was bowling yesterday I fell over and hurt my foot. A couple of hours later I stood on the foot in the shower and that is how it got injured. I can barely walk, although I feel in a good mood and relaxed.

tardive dyskinesia

2010-07-04T05:31:00.000-07:00

My movements have been getting a bit worse today. All my thoughts feel disjointed and all over the place. I can't seem to concentrate. I'm taking benztropine for the movement problems, although it didn't really work today. Still practicing my eclectic pagan beliefs. Still fascinated by satanism and chaos magick -- seems to be the right faith for me at this moment.

Medication Changes

2010-05-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

I've delayed making changes to my medication regime for a while. Last week I tried zyprexa 5mg and lowered risperdal from 2mg to 1mg. I did it for a day and didn't like the effects. I tried it again 5 days from then, and felt too tired so I went back to risperdal 2mg. This morning I took 25mg of lexapro instead of 20mg. I feel really foggy today and don't intend to take 25mg tomorrow. Of course this is all with my psychiatrists permission, but it seems like my attempt to tweak my meds has failed for now, but I will definitely not give up on this.

New Diagnosis

2010-05-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

I talked to my psychiatrist today. He said I had asperger's traits when I was younger and schizotypal personality disorder at the moment. He said I had prodromal schizophrenia, rather than overt schizophrenia.

I am cocaine

2010-05-14T03:29:00.000-07:00

I’m in a desert
It closes around my arms and legs
The haunted depression like fear
I want a drink of water
But it never arrives
I am closed in, in this canopy
Darkness abounds like lettuce plantations
Ants amongst the leafs
I am here in fern valley
In toxic fear and desolation
Hold my hand for I am sick
This disease is eating my body up
I tow a boat out of the murky depths
I licensed it and now I give it back to the landlord
Kiss me now lady
You are sick, I do not kiss sick people
Come with me into the ferns
I am reincarnated in hellish torment
I feel a vine filled with poison
I am cocaine
I am the South American continent
In ecstasy and methadrone
I am a crazed begger, waiting to die
Eat my arms, they are willow leaves
Feel my lips, they sink my teeth in
Crazy smiling and laughing
Are you mad?
Or do you wish to feel my lips
My desert tongue
In the village of liquefaction
I am early, but late
And I wish your death
You, traitor, you
Sink your lips in me quick
Your life is over
Come into the desert town and die...

Symptoms List of my OCD

2010-04-24T01:31:00.000-07:00

-Started to hear faint demonic sounding voices as I laid down and was in a hypnagogic state.
-My obsessions became more bizarre, involved worrying about my consciousness of where my eyes moved automatically and where my tongue moved. Sometimes I would have 6 obsessions coming in and out of my thoughts at once.
-Became obsessed with every action I performed. Couldn't stick to anything for more than 5 minutes.
-Posted bizarre messages on online forums.
-Stayed up to 5am for a whole week and then stopped talking.
-Talked to myself in my head and then became very tense and depressed. I perceived I was disorganized and worthless for doing this. Had to then go on antidepressants. First mirtazapine, then lexapro. Was unable to initiate any action because of ambivalence about what I should be doing and potential mistakes in doing simple things such as playing a video game.
-Thinking around in circles. A strong urge to confess my intrusive thoughts to my family, which I decided to do, then to not do. etc. about 20 changes of decision in my head.
-Decided to drink water every half hour because I felt so depressed. I got up in the night 8 times to drink water. I couldn't decide whether to do this or not and would debate it in my head for half a hour, before giving into the urge.
-Went on Risperdal for disordered thinking: 2mg and diagnosed with psychosis and a severe anxiety disorder: OCD.
-Became obsessed with my eyes and feet. Thought there was something wrong with them and that I needed to fix it, so I dug a small hole in my feet and rolled my eyes, so the friction would get rid of the soreness.
-Couldn't consciously initiate certain specific actions. Such as cleaning my nails or washing my back or moving my feet out of uncomfortable positions. Took me a long time to realize that if I did this nothing bad would happen. I feared I would become depressed if I did certain things, which then occurred every time I did that certain thing.

This was 2007.

The Influence of Chronic Exposure to Antipsychotic Medications on Brain Size before and after Tissue Fixation: A Comparison of Haloperidol and Olanzapine in Macaque Monkeys

2010-04-23T19:07:00.000-07:00

'It is unclear to what degree antipsychotic therapy confounds longitudinal imaging studies and post-mortem studies of subjects with schizophrenia. To investigate this problem, we developed a non-human primate model of chronic antipsychotic exposure. Three groups of six macaque monkeys each were exposed to oral haloperidol, olanzapine or sham for a 17–27 month period. The resulting plasma drug levels were comparable to those seen in subjects with schizophrenia treated with these medications. After the exposure, we observed an 8–11% reduction in mean fresh brain weights as well as left cerebrum fresh weights and volumes in both drug-treated groups compared to sham animals. The differences were observed across all major brain regions (frontal, parietal, temporal, occipital, and cerebellum), but appeared most robust in the frontal and parietal regions. Stereological analysis of the parietal region using Cavalieri's principle revealed similar volume reductions in both gray and white matter. In addition, we assessed the subsequent tissue shrinkage due to standard histological processing and found no evidence of differential shrinkage due to drug exposure. However, we observed a pronounced general shrinkage effect of 20% and a highly significant variation in shrinkage across brain regions. In conclusion, chronic exposure of non-human primates to antipsychotics was associated with reduced brain volume. Antipsychotic medication may confound post-mortem studies and longitudinal imaging studies of subjects with schizophrenia that depend upon volumetric measures.'

from http://www.nature.com/npp/journal/v30/n9/abs/1300710a.html

Symptoms List of my OCD

2010-04-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

-Swallowing my saliva every four seconds. I suddenly became aware of the liquid in my mouth and my breathing and worried that if I was constantly aware of these things they would become consciously motivated. eg. done manually. So to stop this anxiety cycle I would swallow, but unconsciously and divert my attention away from my breathing.
-Obsessions about whole concepts, like electricity in your brain, philosophy and the mind. Long detailed conversations in my mind about philosophical concepts. I had no control over this and if I tried to stop the thoughts they would become even worse, so I decided to go with it until I couldn't stand it, then suppress the thoughts. I started going with all these thoughts, but they seemed to affect my mood, with big mood swings.
-Stopped attending the uni to stop the social anxiety. Saying bad things about everyone in my mind in order to vent.

This was mainly 2006.

Symptoms List of my OCD

2010-04-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

-Becoming obsessed with every detail of my life. eg. the way I walked, the way I ate, the way I wrote, crossing out my writing a lot in a certain way and having to sleep in a certain position. Not allowing myself to do anything involving the occult, but also trying to become like a Buddhist.
-Suppressing all the bad thoughts and repeating prayers to god to get rid of the thoughts. Using CBT exercises on my thoughts.
-Not thinking at all or trying not to think for several months. I was afraid to watch certain TV programs or talk at school or make eye contact.
-Horrible social anxiety and tension in my thoughts. In order to release the tension I would talk to myself in my head and tap my hands and feet in order to get rid of the suppression of my thoughts.
-After each semester I would make a summary of the semester's events in my thoughts and then come up with plans for the holidays.
-Staring at people at school for long periods of time.
-Repeating phrases every time I had a bad thought. The phrases became longer and longer and I did this constantly for weeks on end.
-I decided that there was no mental illness, but that I fit the criteria for OCD. By the end of the year I was talking more, but I had to do this unconsciously. Hard to explain what it means, but I wouldn't allow myself to do anything with purposeful intention. I was still trying to become unaware of certain bad thoughts, but doing this using meditation techniques.

This all occurred in 2005.

Symptom List of my OCD

2010-04-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

This is a list of symptoms I had in the past with OCD or schizoaffective disorder (depending on who you ask) in order to earliest to latest:

-Thoughts repeating. Started off as images repeating in my thoughts about school friends. Horror movie like images. I felt horrible for having them and it was very unpleasant. I would get images occurring when doing something I enjoyed which I was afraid would occur, then they would ruin my enjoyment of the activity. Turned into swear words, which repeated on and off for a couple of months. I tried to get rid of the words/images but that made them repeat more. I tried ignoring them, but soon as I was aware they were gone, a new spike occurred. Got so bad that I tried to consciously but also unconsciously to become unaware of them. This started in 2003.
-Writing bizarre diary entries that were meaningless. Becoming excessively philosophical and poetic. Living my life like a movie. eg. saying weird things, staying up late at night to listen to classical music (trying to have a out of body experience), seeing hidden meanings related to my life in music, books, using techniques from fictional stories to try to get rid of the repeating thoughts. I came up with philosophical theories about my thoughts and became involved in black magick. eg. saying bad things to god and praying to Satan, wanting to have an exorcism. I felt that 2004 was a very special year for me and I kept looking for things that happened that would be great memories, which I would then relive in future years. This was 2004.

Continued in next post...

Satanism

2010-03-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

Do I believe in Satan? Well, I believe that Satan exists, but is not a negative entity. Satan was a pagan god or lower energy until he was taken by Christianity and positioned as a fallen angel:

'In the Bahá'í Faith, Satan is not regarded as an independent evil power as he is in some faiths, but signifies the lower nature of humans. `Abdu'l-Bahá explains: "This lower nature in man is symbolized as Satan -- the evil ego within us, not an evil personality outside."' from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan

'Many theistic Satanists believe that "Satan" is actually a Christian caricature of some god who was worshiped under other names by ancient peoples. Satan has been identified with a variety of ancient gods, including Pan, Set, Shiva, and, most recently, Enki.' from http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/dvera/CoAz/belief/interpret.html

I don't worship Satan at the moment, although I have prayed to him in the past. The current gods I worship are Yahweh, Auriel, Pluto and Hecate, because I have talked to these gods through my thoughts and done invocations of them.

My ultimate goal through magic is to stop reality using meditation (see Carlos Casteneda) and to enter into an altered state of altered perceptions. I read a story a couple of years ago of a young man meditating while in the Himalayan Mountains. He started to see a huge hall like in Lord of the Rings, by meditating on ice crystals. He was actually entering into a altered state of meditation. I hope to reach a similar altered state and receive visions similar to this, which brings me back to the gods. Maybe I can ask one of the gods I worship to help me reach this altered state of perception?

Mental Illness is not Brain Disease Research

2010-03-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

http://psychrights.org/research/Digest/TheBrain/notbraindisease.htm

Mental Illness is not biologically based. In fact it is culturally relative. What is called schizophrenia in our culture, may be called shamanism or spiritual crises in another culture. There are many spiritual aspects of mental illness that are pathologized as insanity or psychoses. Some of the spiritual experiences of those with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia are real. That is they have really communicated with spirits or god.

How to Download Music

2010-03-01T17:08:00.000-08:00

I download all my music by using google. All you need to do is type in: 'artist or album' blogspot and follow the links to rapidshare or megadownload to download any album. You can also search megadownload.net or the download section at 'after the post rock'. Also look up legal free music on netlabels, such as: 'smell the stench' and 'darkwinter' or the archive music website.

My Paradigm

2010-03-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

I am very interested in magic and the supernatural. Actually it is my hobby to cast spells and do magical rituals. I am very interested in ceremonial magic and am currently reading magical papyri and medieval grimoires. I feel the old magic texts are better than the new, although I am fond of new magic. eg. Chaos Magic.

What do I believe? I believe in the afterlife, energy, spirits, magic and that the universe is infinite. I believe in reincarnation, but not in hell. I believe that Satan exists, although I do not believe evil exists.

Last night I had a dream in which I realised that external reality is created by the electricity in our brains. We manifest what we believe. If we believe that heaven exists, then you go there. In the dream I was on a train track in another dimension. I tried to get off the train track, but couldn't, so I teleported onto the nearby grass. This dream shows the power of our mind.

Word Salad means something

2010-02-23T17:03:00.000-08:00

I get annoyed when people talk about word salad and disorganized behavior as part of schizophrenia. Word salad often means something to the patient. It may not mean anything to the doctor, but to the patient it may be full of meaning. It seems that medicine devalues the speech of the patient.

Disorganized behavior may also be full of meaning. Walking around disheveled and accosting strangers about the apocalypse may be an example of disorganized behavior. To the person at the time it may seem like a meaningful thing to be doing.

The reason why I talk about this, is that I have been diagnosed with disorganized speech and see some of my past behavior as disorganized. For example when I was 18 I walked around the city with no purpose and wrote a love letter to a random stranger. I would walk around a city block 8 times in a row. I spent hours looking for this woman and would wait for her to arrive to sell a magazine for three days a week. I felt I was going on a spiritual journey and I needed to share my love with the world and be as open as possible. I also performed private acts in public and posted meaningless messsages on the internet for hours on end. I would say very odd things and talk in unusual radiohead lyrics, which I still do sometimes. eg. the other day I said, 'I am a elf'. For example I would quote the words to the radiohead song: paranoid android. I went into a pharmacy and engaged the staff in a argument about psychiatry. I would stay up on the internet to 5 am for a whole week. There were other odd behaviors I did as well, but I will not go into too much detail here. I saw these behaviors as a spiritual crisis as the result of prolonged anxiety, rather than psychosis.

I believe that even though these are symptoms of schizophrenia, they often a part of a spiritual journey or experience and are valuable as experiences to the patient, as they have been for me.

Martial Arts

2010-02-21T21:08:00.000-08:00

Going to martial arts tonight. Hope I enjoy it, it is my first time.

Ka-baalim

2010-02-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

This is my favourite occult ambient artist. The spoken word tells a story about the after-life. The woman's voice is otherwordly and beautiful. You can find their albums on the darkwinter netlabel.

Aldous Huxley

2010-02-20T01:25:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1btEwwRePs&feature=related

Antipsychotics are soma...

Genres of Music I Like

2010-02-09T22:12:00.000-08:00

1. Dark Ambient
2. Regular Ambient
3. Psychedelic
4. Drone
5. Harsh Noise
6. Breakcore
7. Minimal Techno
8. Post-Rock
9. Black Metal
10. Experimenal/Avant-Garde

Paxil and Suicidality

2010-01-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

I recently read a story about a young woman who had taken Paxil (Paroxetine) for depression. Unfortunately the young woman commited suicide three weeks after they took the drug. As a user of Lexapro (Escitalopram) for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I feel very sorry that this has happened. These drugs should still be used I feel, but only as a last resort.

I never experienced suicidal thoughts due to antidepressant, even though I was only 18 when I took Avanza (Mirtazapine), after I was initially diagnosed with Psychosis. What led me to take these medications was a very bad attack of anxiety I had after having a conversation with myself in my head. I forbid myself to talk to myself, but I kept doing it. I felt that doing this was making me depressed. It got so bad I started to feel physical ill and extremely tense. I spent a whole weekend doing nothing but watching TV. I felt I was unable to initiate any action, including the action to go to a doctor. Four days into the anxiety episode I went to see a doctor and got on 10mg of Avanza, which relaxed me, but gave me a terrible headache. I then started to get horrible intrusive thoughts which I felt had to confess to the person they were about. I couldn't decide whether to talk about them or not. I kept changing my mind inside my head about whether I should confess these thoughts. I was put on 2mg of Risperdal (Risperidone) to slow down my thoughts. I was told I was psychotic, but I believed I was suffering from severe anxiety. I still don't believe I was ever psychotic at any time, which was confirmed when I met a couple of psychiatrists who correctly diagnosed me with OCD...

Why I Like Harsh Noise?

2009-12-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

I originally got into harsh noise, because of a desire I had to listen to white noise or complete static. I had heard this white noise sound on blank channels on the tv, so on the internet I would type in 'static music', hoping to find this type of music or sound art. It clicked with, like a synapse in my brain, that this music had a name and that it was called noise. After that I spent a whole 2 weeks listening to avant-garde music and I was hooked. My first noise artist was Merzbow, then Incapacitants and Sutcliffe Jugend, Hijokaidan, Whitehouse. etc. I started with the classic noise releases from the 80s and 90s and moved on to power electronics and wall noise/laptop noise. It is probably the genre I listen to most, apart from metal, dark ambient and post-rock. I do listen to more normal music, like Mazzy Star and PJ Harvey, but would say that the music that interests me most is the experimental or ambient music...

Joanna Newsom - The Milk-Eyed Mender

2009-12-26T23:05:00.000-08:00

link: http://www.mediafire.com/?wwdsnysdtdp

(genre: freak folk, independent)

Noise Music Definition

2009-12-20T19:25:00.000-08:00

Noise is a genre of experimental music, which focuses on cacophony, dissonance, atonality, noise, indeterminacy, repetition, dissonance (in music dissonance is a quality of sounds, which seems unstable), and atonality. Noise is defined at different times as lacking skill, not being appropriate and a threatening emptiness, which is comparable to the philosophy movement of Nihlism. The key or classic artists in the genre include both noise rock and the more experimental, bizarre or extreme form, which is called harsh noise, which is basically controlled white noise, like you would get on a blank channel on a television. These artists include: Merzbow, Incapacitants, Hijokaidan, The Rita, the no wave band Mars, Lightning Bolt, Hanatarash, Runzelstirn and Gurglestock, Vomir, and Emil Beaulieau to name just a few. Jazz with a noise bent is called free noise. Another form of noise music is Industrial, which emerged in the 1970s with the use of loud metal percussion, guitars, and unconventional "instruments" to create a sinister noisy atmosphere. Noise is sound art or like a sound sculptor. The more you listen to it the more fresh and musical it sounds. It is comparable to art movements such as: futurism, fluxus, dada, minimalism, post-painterly abstraction and expressionism. I have had noise tracks stuck in my head including Hijokaidan - Romance and Mars - Helen Forsdale. Anyone can get into noise, if you find it unpleasant, which you will at first spend a hour listening to it a day until you ‘get it’. To get into harsh noise I suggest listening to post-rock or noise rock first and then moving into the more avant-garde artists. Good starting points include Mogwai, Lightning Bolt, Boredoms and Fushitsusha. Noise is moving back to its roots as the 00s comes to its end. It can take any form now with any instruments, as it heads back to its progressive roots, embracing genres such as psychedelia, avant-garde and sound art. There is also a connection between noise and magick and existentialist or postmodern philosophy, which dark ambient being popular with those who are into the occult.

References

Wikipedia - Noise (music) article

Opium Dream

2009-12-01T21:30:00.000-08:00

My queen in her cyclopean bee hive
A fat tube of television lard growing larger
Fisticuffs around my neck from the constables arms
Blasting into outer-space, into Andromeda
I am sitting on a brown slithery cord in this cavern
I am the stalwart of my cave clan
Two bears want to knock me out at the entrance
I become savage, living amongst detritus
The fumes grow ever potent from the stove in the right hand corner
The bear roasts on my cave’s microwave oven three hours later
The other one escapes for now.

The television hypnotises my brain
An electrical signal everywhere I go
‘I am watching you, now, now, now.’
Everywhere I go it resounds in the neurons,
that I am desperately afraid of

Please send me some multigrain bread
I’ve completely lost control of my mind
The puzzle is vitrified
In my mouth I find a chip, all shiny and silvery
Tangled thoughts are everywhere surrounding me, surrounding me
A maze of intrigue
I come to the end of Chiba City
I gaze into the Metaverse, eternal, eternal

The extremes of life await me
As I enter the ghost of time
A puzzle to be solved
In microscopia.

Extremity of Bliss

2009-11-26T02:10:00.000-08:00

Paradise. A state of mind. Black haired nymphs float, wink and surround me. A scary tower grey and twisted steel metal grows and looms menacingly. A girl smiles at me. I enter a state of infinite peace. Equilibrium achieved. The chemicals and cloning is everywhere. Soma ingested. Speeding along a freeway with atari teenage riot playing in my wet ears. I am taken aboard a ship, where I am given the ultimate antidepressant. My tongue is surgically split, I had a nose piercing last wednesday, I am being kissed simultaneously by three cherry nymphs. I crash in my pad, beer bottles strewn across the floor, floating in echosphere, marshmallows surround me. I reach chemical nirvana. The city streets are dark blue, mixed with fluorescent yellow. I follow my instinct and feel no suffering. Melatonin peace dream.

Evidence of Neuroleptic Brain Damage/Hallucinations

2009-11-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

1. http://www.ahrp.org/risks/biblio0100.php

2. http://www.mindfreedom.org/kb/psychiatric-drugs/antipsychotics/neuroleptic-brain-damage/mosher-bibliography/

3. http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/mar/02/mythoftheantipsychotic

A hallucination is a false perception of the senses, without external stimuli. But does this mean that people hearing the voice of god are hallucinating? It would seem that according to psychiatry if the hallucination occurs outside of acceptable religious beliefs of the culture, then it is a psychotic symptom. If I create my own religion where hallucinations are considered to be real messages from the spirit world, because I am the only person following this belief in my culture, then I am considered psychotic. I am considered to be detached from reality and this detachment is unacceptable in my culture.

One million people are sectioned per year in the United States alone. Many are hallucinating and considered psychotic. One of the criteria of sectioning is unpredictable behaving or not having a hold of your senses. Ergo, if you are clearly psychotic, then you are subject to the laws of sectioning, even if you are not a danger to anyone.

-People with different types of defined "mental disorder" can be admitted to hospital against their will under the Act.

These include those with "severe mental impairment", "psychopathic disorder" or "mental illness".

-In 2000/2001, 26,707 were formally admitted against their will in the UK.

-A patient can be sectioned if they are perceived to be a threat to themselves or other people.

Thus, if you are considered to be mentally ill and also a threat to yourself then you may be sectioned. It is unethical for our society to do this...

Science behind antipsychiatry

2009-11-20T20:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.antipsychiatry.org/depressi.htm

-in Dr. Andreasen's words, "so many patients with well-defined depressive illness have normal DSTs"
-In 1993 in her book If It Runs In Your Family: Depression, Connie S. Chan, Ph.D., acknowledges that "There is still no valid biological test for depression"
-In The Broken Brain, Dr. Andreasen also describes what she calls "the most widely accepted theory about the cause of depression...the `catecholamine hypothesis.'" She emphasizes that "the catecholamine hypothesis is theory rather than fact"

http://www.antipsychiatry.org/br-pibp.htm

"At the present time, there is no proof that biology causes schizophrenia, bipolar mood disorder, or any other functional mental disorder" (p. 90)

Etc.

Thoughts on Anosognosia

2009-11-20T20:20:00.000-08:00

Anosognosia is not a neurological condition, as claimed by psychiatry. Anosognosia is defined as lack of insight of the patient into their medical condition. It is apparently caused by damages to a certain part of the brain.

Under the condition that mental illness does not exist, which is what Thomas Szasz claims in his book The Myth of Mental Illness, how can Anosognosia be a legitimate medical condition? Mental Illness is a set of psychological difficulties or problems that disrupt the normal functioning of individuals in the community. A cluster of 'symptoms' is defined as a biochemical imbalance in the brain. You can be depressed or anxious, but this does not constitute a medical condition. In fact there is no proof of the biochemical imbalance of dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, noradrenaline or other chemicals in the brains of the mentally ill. This contradicts the chemical theory of mental illness. In fact a mental illness is a set of thoughts or behaviours that are disapproved by the society at large, resulting in discrimination and hospitalization. The psychotic behaviour of the patient is deemed inappropriate and controlled using psychiatric medications. In fact if the patient is not endangering people then they should not be contained. Examples of psychotic behaviour include: childishness, unpredictable agitation, smearing lipstick over face or wearing underwear on face, poor hygiene and generally acting in a odd, bizarre or peculiar manner. The reason why this is not a illness is that the person doing these things is often not physically ill (a real illness), because there is nothing wrong with their brain. If there is a difference of the brain, then the difference is judged as inferior to a normal brain, because the person is not behaving in a normal manner.

Back to Anosognosia. Psychiatrists are using this label to force people with psychosis into treatment against their will. If they do not have chemical insight, then they need to be treated against their will - according to some psychiatrists. I have been called delusional at times. It is true I can have false beliefs, but this does not constitute a chemical imbalance. Denying you are ill is a antipsychiatry view, rather than being a delusional viewpoint.

More information on the science behind this viewpoint later.

2009-11-19T03:14:00.000-08:00

I look up at the tender moon all silvery and blue in the sky. It reminds me of the all encompassing collective unconscious of mankind.

Floating down a stream into the firmament. Into the porous depths of the collective soul of mankind. I touch my hand to my straw hat three times exactly in the way of someone with OCD. Of course I have OCD and this is what I am, this is who I am forever more. I am a young man with mental health issues as I type in the semi-darkness of my 1950s house, with plastered walls of light yellow. I look out into the blackness and darkness of the abyss that is night and I see my soul reflected there in the ether of eternity. A gruesome shadowy mask that is like the former planet Pluto, watching and waiting for a misstep. My hands are my own, I own them, they are like oyster shells on a crisp California morning. I guess this is end of this automated writing, I plan to write every day and post at least a word or two or a poem of my innermost and deepest thoughts.

Thoughts on the Mind/Brain Duality

2009-11-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

The mind is not purely physical or contained within the brain. This is because you cannot observe someone when they asleep and determine the exact content of thought. Thoughts are separate from the brain. The brain creates thoughts or you create your thoughts, but the thoughts, moods, emotions, feeling, intuitions are not contained within the chemical reactions of the brain.

Chapter Four of 'Metaverse' (Beginning)

2009-11-04T19:03:00.000-08:00

Julia was drinking a milkshake. The milkshake was raspberry flavoured and tasted brilliant. Julia curled the milkshake around her tongue and swished it back and forth. Wow, this tastes great, she thought. It was the Rush brand. The milk was milky pink, which made her think of pink clouds that she had once seen in a trip to Tanzania. She had met a homeless friend who had found a rat and named her or him Tanzania. She had asked her how to pronounce it:
‘Ta-zanier or Tan-zanier.’
She had replied at the time as the sun basked in its own citrine light, ‘Tan-za-nia. That is how it is pronounced my dear. It is quite easy.’

She was living in Russia, more specifically in a dingy flat in East St. Petersburg. Her thoughts were a mess of images and words, due to her pure obsessional obsessive compulsive disorder. There were six different types of obsessive compulsive disorder: checkers, washers and cleaners, orderers, hoarders and Scrupulous OCDers. She thought that her type: the pure obsessional was the worst, because the victim was to undergo internal torture until the thoughts came out in physical form.

She was also perving on her boyfriend Steve. He had nicely shaped thighs and a eight-pack chest.

Julia was thinking about the meaning of life. Was there a meaning or did life just extinguish at the end like a ford motor car getting old and derelict. She was a nihilist, which meant she believed everything to be meaningless and that any meaning is impossible.

She was sitting by the clear pool, drinking the milkshake and recovering from her stay at the Hopkins Mental Hospital. She had met two friends in there and many enemies or so she liked to call them. One had tried to poison her while she was drinking a Schweppes lemonade in the dining room. Her name was Irene and she was cute, with cherub-red checks, a long nose, piercing eyes and a visible gleam of insanity.

As she looked over the torn ground, desert like in its simplicity and exactitude, stretching out forever into a abyss of depression and mania, she thought about her previous husband and his addiction to the substance DMT. Her husband had a dealer named Paul, who had a woman with tattoos, tattooed onto his back. He galavanted around bare chested, trying to increase his sex appeal. He worked on a wharf and up in north Siberia. They had been visiting him in the October of 1994 and during the visit he swore loudly in Russian.

She had learned Russian when she had moved there in early 1993. She used to live in North America, more specifically Quebec in Canada. As she sat on the white platted chair, flimsy and made by a company with rich and obscure Russian name, she thought about how she was worried she would get uncomfortable on the chair and would become aware of her awareness of the chair, thinking in a ever shifting circle, driving her up to the icy reaches of the north pole, into a ginormous insanity, that would leave her gasping for air in a straight jacket in a Moscow prison.

Flash Fiction - 'The Prophet Muhammad'

2009-11-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

I fight mummies in the desert of Blizzart, where there is a blizzard storm of sand. Sand getting into my eyes, sand between my feet, sand in my ears, sand getting into my private parts and sand blasting the mummies that I fight with my Blizzart sword. I am making up words, I am leaving summer trails of sand, markings in the sand as I walk diagonally along the desert. I am a envoy for my empire. I am spying for the Blizzart empire as it fights the Linima empire across the desert, where there are huge stone walls, that inclose the dragons. The dragons have multiple talons and breath fire. The fire comes from magic in the throat. There is some sort of chemical that causes a chemical reaction leading ultimately to their fire breathing capabilities. The fire will burn and char you from above, like a god seeking vengeance against it’s foes. I come to destroy the last of the dragons. I am the prophet Muhammad of the empire of Blizzart. My diplomacy has lead to my increase in prestige amongst the army generals. We have many different types of weapons. One weapon is the spear the other is the sword. I swore that I would serve my empire for the best interests of the queen. The wise man told me I was destined to reign over both empires. Out west is the gulf of Capraxion, it is 1000 miles wide and with a curvature ratio of 2:1. This enables us to use our boats to collect resources and to trade with another empire: Destima, whose emperor Pauline the Great, who loves me and wishes to marry me. So the battle was waged and I almost died. We lost which was unexpected, but we must consolidate against the horrible odds. The fire breathing dragon killed one hundred of our best loved soldiers. I wrote in my diary the following entry:

It has come to an end. We are doomed to toil at the begest of the Linima empire. We are enslaved and being tortured by the dragons. It is an infinite fire that burns, oh how it burns. I wish to end this entry with a saying: “He who laughs, has won”. That is certainly not me this time.

‘So what do we do now, wise one,’ I asked Godala.
‘I do not know, it is a doom filled canopy that we sit in,’ Godala replied in a soft voice.

I was in the cave with the wise and respected prophet: Godala. He was a half human, half dragon and was wired into a computer with his head buzzing with information. The conversation continued belatedly.

‘What is the advice that you offer wise one,’ I said, I had to call him wise one, for that was the respectful way to talk to the higher ups.
‘Sit tight and await your doom. Expect the worse and the best will happen.’

Maybe he was insane, but he always seemed to be right and that is how it was in those days as I watched the sun set into the doom of expected oblivion.

Untitled Poem

2009-10-31T23:47:00.000-07:00

I collect apparitions
Shiny devil lipstick
Unmasked with trailing protoplasmic diodes
Round off head with saw sharp blade
Gone fortunate soldier of futurism
The tall building collapses adequately
A tirade of fish bones in the dark liquefied cavern
A menace to neuroleptics
Bunches of plied off rubber heels
A round room filled with surrealistic blue light
Dark caves filling with bats
Like dark blood, drowning in

Codeine dulls the pain
A diet of pills calls my name
I search for the right pill
To ease the hurt of nightmares
I have awakened into my room
Dowsing the drops of liquefied tears

LEMON AND BIRD FEATHERS

2009-10-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

I eat a lemon on May the 26th
It is very sour and citritic
It burns my mouth, tormenting me
Lemons are yellow and anglo-american
They are acerb
I suck the lemon anhydrous,

A chemist conspiring to contaminate my vegetables
A mad dictator with venom running in his veins
I am a lemon in space
Listen to me idiot...
I know what I am ventriloquizing about
Toadstool,

Don’t you dare poison my beautiful lemons, Spainish Oligarch
They are lovely and venomous
I will breach them apart with my white agleam teeth
And make screeching sounds with my mouth
Therefore agitating birds,

The day has come for a lemon cataclysm
They will taint the substratosphere
Ergo, there will be no lemons left
The are parsimonious and burnt sienna and puce
The evil usurper and mogul
The tyrant of the valkyries
Now he squirms as I tickle him with bipedal bird plumul,

I became dictator of Spain then and there, because of the tickling, disabling, brainwashing him
Proletariats obey my anarchic adjuration
I am becoming ever powerful and auroral
I am a master of command
My dictations are meticulous and pedantic
On May the 29th moment I am emperor of Spain

It only took three days of lemon and bird feathers...

Metaverse (part of chapter two)

2009-10-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

I am the greatest person alive. I swim with fishes and glow like a god. I am invisible and my magnitude is bright as the brightest star in the sky. Feel my wrath as I grow. I explode like a hammer smashing into clay. The clay I found by the river, where I talk to my god: Yahweh, the almighty christian god of the sun.

I swim amongst the lilies by the river of the mountain and the love of humanity flows in my veins. I am overflowing with water and mountain jew, my chin is a spout for humanities sins. I love everything and everyone, as I eat my Wheat Bix I hear in the kitchen in the mental hospital. Goldie tries to engage me in conversation but I refuse, oh how I refuse. Veronika is a cutie I would like to love her forever in my nest. I have crushes on all the women here in the hospital, they are all beautiful and I want to shower them with kisses.

I get up and think a magnificent thought. Thoughts are eternal and never die. My life will continue on forever towards the Betelgeuse star in the sky. My writings will echo, and when I preach on the mountain, people will come to me like they came to Moses.

TD and Solian

2009-10-09T21:08:00.001-07:00

Tardive Dyskinesia

My Tardive Dyskinesia involves involuntary tongue movements: the twitching of my tongue to attempt to swallow. This developed after I attempted to reduce Risperdal to 1 mg; after doing so I increased the medication to 2 mg and then after 8 weeks attempted to reduce the medication again. From doing this a developed problems with my mood, with moods ranging from irritable to depressed to excitable. The medication that caused this: Risperidone (Risperdal) is notorious for causing such problems in withdrawal and I would recommend that other newer medications be used with better side affect profiles. Tardive Dyskinesia can be treated with Congentin (Benztropine), which is an anticholinergic agent. Or you can be switched to a better antipsychotic under the guidance of your doctor.

Uses of Solian

Some such medications include Solian which functions as a D2 and D3 receptor antagonist. Low dose Solian is used to treat major depressive disorder. Amisulpride and Sulpride binds and activates the GHB receptor. This action inhibits the release of dopamine and may have an antipsychotic affect on the patient/patients. Dopaminergic modulation is result in the antidepressant and antipsychotic action of Amisulpride, Solian is also a potent antagonist at the 5-HT7 Receptor. Risperdal and Geodon are also potent antagonists at this level. Amisulpride is also a good first line treatment of psychosis. It may be used for it’s antianxiety properties, with 50 mg/day of Solian being more effective than Fluoxetine 20 mg/day for the reduction of anxiety. (Wikipedia, No Date) Solian is effective with the treatment of negative symptoms such as: alogia, avolition, and andohedia at a low dose of 100 mg daily. It is antipsychotic at high doses and disinhibitary at low doses. (Ben Green, No Date)

Comparison with other medication and placebo

Wetzel et al (1998) compared amisulpride with Flupenthixol and Solian was proven to be more effective for the treatment of acute schizophrenia, with predominate positive symptomology. Amisulpride was significantly more effective for the treatment of negative symptoms than placebo (p<0.02). (Ben Green, No Date) ‘Peuskens et al (1999) compared Amisulpride with Risperidone and found a marginal superiority for amisulpride.’ (Ben Green, No Date)

Conclusion

Ergo, if you develop Tardive Dykinesia from the long-term (usually) or short-term (rarely) use of a medication such as Risperidone (Risperdal), you may be able to switch to a medication, such as Solian or others: Seroquel, Geodon or Abilify, with the advice and subscription of your doctor. You can ask to switch to another antipsychotic, which is more effective for the treatment of your mental disorder.

References

Green, B. No Date, priory.com, ‘Amisulpride - For Schizophrenia’, http://priory.com/focus13.htm [Accessed 10 October 2009].
Wikipedia. No Date, ‘Amisulpride’, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amisulpride [Accessed 10 October 2009].

Some thoughts about diagnosis

2009-10-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am recently been told I may have schizoaffective disorder or schizotypal personality disorder at a low intensity only. My symptoms are irritable and excitable mood, mild hallucinations, talking in gibberish, laughing for no reason, grimacing and dry sobbing.

I feel like I do not have a psychotic disorder but I may have a personality disorder. I haven't been officially diagnosed but feel I am doing quite well most of the time.

I prefer to decide what disorder I have myself rather than accepting a misdiagnosis. I know more about my condition than my doctors know. What bothers me is the disorder, rather than what they decide is a 'symptom'.

I like my doctor and psychologist. I trust them, but feel that a large amount of time they are wrong in a misdiagnosis or in sectioning healthy individuals, with suicidal thoughts. Sectioning is not the answer; going into hospital makes people worse a large amount of the time.

150 000 people in the USA alone are sectioned against their will each year; many of these people are young adults or children who self-harm, have eating disorders or depression most commonly or are suicidal (whatever that means). This is too much and is damaging peoples' lives.

Psychotic disorders or bipolar disorder are very often misdiagnosed. Apparently a lot of the time these people are unaware of their condition. This is nonsense. You cannot be unaware of your condition. It is a falsity.

I often feel like you do not need to be diagnosed to get treatment. Treatment can be unorthodox, such as: vitamins, meditation, reiki or brain stimulation or toxic: neuroleptics, antidepressants, ECT or psychosurgery. Toxic treatment causes shameful feelings and leads to the internalization of the treatment; in other words the patient accept the treatment and diagnosis because everyone around them tells them it is right or necessary.

I am not saying you should go 'crazy'. Be sensible, learn to be civil and behave yourself. Learn that and you are on the road to recovery already.

Untitled

2009-10-07T18:12:00.000-07:00

I am a fish
I float like a lettuce leaf on browny green ocean floors
The tuna smile happily at me as I float by
Goodbye ocean you have been good to me
I love it hear the air is so fresh and happily
My skull vibrates like a hammer crashing into a stove
The daylight gleams angrily into my skull
So happily
I float by like dead debris
This is the end of the beginning and start of something else
The start of a schizophrenic nightmare
Where reality will blend into fantasy
My canopy is littered with bones
Deadness surrounds me happily
I am the greatest person alive
I fantasize about how great I am
I am such a big tuna fish
Then I turn into a beaver
Building the sewers canal
This is my awestruck project
A diamond in ecstasy
A pope unthroned
Awaiting the resurrection of christ
Tomorrow awaits me
One more shark and I am dead
Falling into the bottom of the dark ocean
A darkness so full and extreme
This fantasy has become real
I await the execution
I am dying in time

Metaverse - part 2

2009-09-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

The time has come for a like of abstinence. The light switch flicked on and shocked him out of his reverie. He looked around for his amber black-rimmed glasses, made in Italy and used by hipsters and schizophrenics looking for recovery- the theory was that by wearing amber glasses you could lock out blue light, thus reducing hallucinations and delusions possibly. He had met a schizoaffective in his trip to Germany, he had flown on a black airbus plane, with pretty comfy seats made of polyester, the tripimine bonded with the sulphuric acid and produced a soft surface in which to lounge on. They were upholstered and very classy. He met a chick on there that swore that the world had ended already and they were actually in hell. As he looked out across the deep dark blue ocean, she buttered him with her tales of the apocalypse: "You see the world has undoubtedly and irretrievably ended. It has come to a stand still, just like what Jean Baudrillard said about the excessive search for knowledge producing a delusion like state. This civilisation has tanked already man, it is aplomb in decadence and debauchery. It is like the top of an tank, no it is the top of a tank, the tank is carrying plutonium bombs and will explode if you drop a feather on it. This is World War Three, the end of Canada, United States, Russia, Latvia, Lithuania, Hungary, Estonia, all of eastern Europe basically, because communism exhausted the region of its capacity. Capitalism was good, but had turned to mush basically- you see where I am going. The wall street fat cats if I may be permitted to call them that, they were basically investing false money or invisible money, that is it was all loaned, which led to the huge loan deficit. Khrushchev was the best Soviet leader. He was leading them onto the right path, we all the mining of the Siberian plateau. It was a nice plateau until they mined the crap out of it! You ever read Solzhenitsyn, he was cool man, but what I am saying is that the conflict between Russian and United States was the beginning of the end, it has fallen apart since then, I wrote a book about it, it is called, Apocalypse: it is the end times indeed. You know all those academics all they do is go on about etiquette and correct grammar, I said fuck that it is time for us to be free stream of consciousness writers and just write what is on our minds. Now how I came about my discover was I say Mr. James Deacon smuggling Uranium bombs into his jacket. Seriously this is how it goes." And so on and so on, it was always like that in those days. It was 2012 when he had this conversation. He went to the fridge, through the prestique living room and opened up the tuna can, he decided to throw it on the floor and lick it off the plastic, he knew this would make him sick but of course he had bipolar 1 disorder and couldn't resist, by the time he had ended he saw a bright green monkey coming out of his left ear, he decided to strangle it with one of his Arctic jackets, which was like a big white thing that he thought they had made out of the fur of a polar bear. His countenance was sad and he started staring at a dot on his computer screen, he couldn't even remember how he had got there but it was like licking ice cream it would run down the back of his throat until he would die of pleasure in the sweet creamy taste of the cream and ice or whatever it was made of. So the women had deep brown hair, it was shiny bright and she had a shy mouth, very thin lips with a nose that was white like coconut milk, she looked into his eyes and whose knows what she was thinking, it might of been a thought about the doomsday, that was what she was talking about anyway. He felt anxious around her, his tummy ached and churned like anchovies, like a bucket of anchovies being crammed down there and percolating in the depths of his gut it would work its way through the upper gut: duodenum he had an ulcer there once and would work its way down into the colon, or large intestine, who knows how it got there and end up faeces, putrid waste, the waste would go through the drain pipes, that reeked like a thousand skunks and finally be catalysed out and evaporated, who knows it he might be eating something like faeces tonight. Anyway he felt sick as a dog and decided to work his way to the toilet, thinking about morphemes by the way and hoping that this feeling would pass by the morning. It was truly a foul feeling in his stomach, he imagined the red and pink flesh down there being sewn by a needle or a ice pick, that didn't make sense. He was seen bright scarlet and amber swirls and it felt horrendous like a trek through the Andes. 'What is wrong max' his mother said through the door. Why oh why had he ate the tuna off the floor. He finally jerked himself off the toilet and went to read about Arcturus the red giant. The sun had three planets and they were called amberium, derimustic and lumia. Strange names he thought quaintly, but did he indeed have a bipolar psychosis or what it schizoaffective disorder. That was off topic lets get onto the next topic. The next topic was the band Bark Psychosis, yet another apt name. He had meditated for two and a half hours yesterday night and had fallen asleep in the middle of it, he felt off centre and helpless and hopeless. It was the right time to call the emergency and tell them he was suicidal and felt like meditated for three years straight. He bashed his hands against the keyboard, he had pushed himself too hard last night with the mid term fever coming over his body. He listened to some music. The sound waves went into his ears and alighted his mind will bright dazzling radiance, like a tourniquet wrapping around his heart. He was writing a assignment about Shopenhauer, it was lacklustre at best and horrible and depressed writing at the worst. He aspired to be the greatest writer in the world, No! he was the best writer in the world. He had completed a novel called: The Downfall of the Saint, it was about a hermit saint in the 15th century, who self-harmed and had finally killed himself, he however was responsible for inventing Arabic. He had come up with so many letters out of the bottom of his heart, he was a kindly man according to the account of Dr. Bear and had writing profusely, eccentrically and manic-ally. He had claimed to have two brains, one which resided just above his first in the space above his head. He could process information at 25 times the speed of a normal brain, it was scientific how he had come up with the letters, he had automatically drawn all 25 letters in lucid dreams, where he was the emperor of Spain. This story had something to do with the woman he had met on the air-plane, but he was unsure how. It was a paradoxical relationship between the two.

He picked up his metallic computer and rammed his hard head into the hard plastic monitor screen. He wanted desperately to enter the monitor and into the matrix, where his mind had resided before. He needed to find who had killed Dr. Bear. The matrix swam before his eyes as the drum and bass rumbled through his head, which was Shape-shifter, who he had seen last year at the moon bar, he felt a tinkling in his ears and nose, like lice running slowly in his skin, where there lice in his skin? His thoughts drifted onto his thoughts about suicide. He thought about violent ways he could kill himself, hanging, drowning, electrocution, there were many, many ways in which to do it. His suicidal thoughts came from his involuntary movements and state of constant anxiety, that he was drowning in. He had bad obsessions about his thoughts, about the electrical signals in his brain, if he became aware of them he might start acting like a robot. Was it schizophrenia paranoid subtype or was it pure obsessional OCD? Dr. Philips had thought he was experiencing quite severe anxiety rather than any detachment from reality, but he had thought he felt quite detached from reality anyway. Another obsession he had was about where he looked on the monitor square, if he looked at a 'a' he would have to blink three times fastly or else his anxiety would get worse. It made him feel alone and ill, he had met a woman called Angela who had understood his problems and had sympathised with him. He wrote a poem about it to her entitled angels, not the robbie William's song by the way. He had met a demon in one of his dreams the demon had big yellow teeth, pointy ears, dark black skin, like a nigger, although some would see that as racist. The demon was evil and would tell him things like, 'I want to eat your brains and defecate on your face you stupid unintelligent nigger'. He thought I was a nigger, but this seemed like a hell delusion.
He fell into the graveyard, surrounded by bony bodies, clawing at his loosely fitting white shirt and black pants. They screamed swear words at him: "fuck", "shit" and others. He felt terrified and wished to be in another place, it was like water trickling down onto his face forever in a continuous stream of thoughts. He woke up and found himself sweating in his bed, beads of sweat running down his slimy face. It was 2 am and he needed to get a glass of water to take him out of the shock from his night terror. The night terrors would come twice a night, every night, it never ended. He felt sick in the stomach and had a pounding head ache, he took an aspirin for the head ache and cuddled himself up in the bed, finding it hard to close his eyes because he was in a state of severe panic. It took him many hours to get to sleep, he felt suicidal and wanted desperately to end his life, perhaps by drilling nails into his skull.

The nails would hit the cerebral cortex and puncture the skull, the pain would cause him to have psychotic episode, which would end with him in the emergency room, gesticulating at the triage nurse and telling her that the Martians were plotting to kidnap him, because they were in with the government, they had a symbiotic relationship and the aliens were citizens of America posing as secret agents, his brother: Philip was a secret agent and that is why he had poisoned his mead in his goblet, that had a picture of the tsar of Prussia on, who wore a crown that the tsar had placed on his clothes cabinet or had it been a hallucination.

What was the meaning of life? It seemed to be contained within something, such as the double helix, it wound like a coil into infinity. Do we determine what the meaning of life is or is it determined by our consanguinity with others (the other). When we see someone we are held captive by their gaze. Did we have to be held captive by their gaze or could we escape this hell on Earth and find a better spot in which these thoughts are annihilated. Meaning in life is impossible and who wants a meaning anyway. It is erroneous. It is specious. The meaning of life is contained within the phrase 'the meaning of life'. Without this phrase we would not be discussing the catachrestical 'meaning of life' It is an empty phrase that few philosophers have answered sufficiently. It will continue on forever until the end of time, presuming that there will be an end of time. Time will perhaps end with the destruction of the universe, is it possible that mankind will destroy the universe? or will it be a alien race with its extreme level of intelligence bearing down upon all life-forms in a multidinuous embrace of death. Death is always coming ever closer to us and we must embrace it with equity in our minds. The mind is made up of thoughts and these thoughts are like a acid trip where it seems like everything is connected, a double agent has befriending someone you like and is dropping hints in their speech through a symbiotic mind control, where they are all reading each others thoughts. Max had no doubt that others could read his thoughts like a book, they would swarm in their like grown worms in a dish, they ones you could buy from the supermarket. To read a mind you had to imagine yourself penetrated the space-time continuum and piercing it like teeth piercing a sultana. You had to imagine a tunnel going from one thought combination to another and in the space the thought would flow like a river down a hill starting in the mountains and winding down in a circled pattern of continuity.

He loved the lemniscate, it was his favourite mathematical concept, where the graph was symmetrical around the y-axis.

Max was opening a can of tuna, he liked the way the liquid was curling around the meat of the fish. The fish maybe had come from the ocean out past the sand where the bums would laugh and talk about their persetorial delusions. He had met a woman in Belgium that had a erotomanic delusion- she thought Brad Pitt was in love with her. He had tried to reason her out of this obviously farfetched tall tale, but had not succeeded. She had lovely blond hair and was called Ariel. What a lovely name he thought. It reminded him of the poem by Sylvia Plash where she talked about suicide. Sylvia Plath and her father had both committed suicide, she had stuck her head in an oven.

When he wrote tonight on his pentium processor computer hard disk, he thought about what it would be like to be totally depressed and in hospital. He was a schizoaffective bipolar subtype. He would get ridiculous moods where he would eat a hundred pieces of candy (he would count them) and ask the prettiest girl he could find on the street out on a date. One time it worked and as he was looking across her, she asked him if he was crazy. He didn't know why she had asked that. But anyway he said yes he was bipolar and psychotic, although he didn't know what his delusions were. She had replied that she hated crazy people but wanted to date him to see how he ticked. He took a sip of white wine that was too bitter for his tastes and said yes that was okay as long as they would fuck regularly. Sex with her was like an never-ending beach, it was paradisaically. He kept saying things that could be construed as a bromide. He loved big words and would say things like 'meritorious', 'sacrosanct' just to wind her up. She asked what in gods name he was doing and he said he didn't know but thought she was a bitch. 'Fuck off mister' she would reply. And that was how it was in those days.

When he got to page six he decided to have a slice of mild bega cheese, he had bought it at the local safe-way, he lived in a obscure town in Canada in the province where they spoke French as well as Canadian or was it English. He got out his amber glasses and gazed into them, they were pretty like a yellow blossomed tree that he saw near his next door neighbour's Jason’s duplex. He had to sleep so he snuggled up in his bed with the dragon ball Z blankets and the sheet that had flowers printed all over it. He ripped a bit of the sheet and put it in his mouth and chewed on it. It didn’t have a taste.

He was thinking about what he would do tomorrow. He could start on that novel he was writing or whatnot.

The gas lamp was glowing in his mind. The time had reversed and ceases to exist in daydream plantation plutonium village skies buttock smile. What should I write? How should I write it? How should I write? The time had come to give up the dikensian economic strategies and burst open the chested drawer where all the 20th century poets fish in the sewers running clockwise in a spiral that lead upwards into mongooses tail-wings. Fortunate sailor your ghost begets and bequeaths the nomad of daydreams about blue sleeved sweaters and van gogh painting hanging on my wall, where the drawers sit adjacent to the bed and the time has not come for sleepy-time in the darkness of my mind I awake!

When Max got up he tidied up his clothes and went for a walk to the grocery store, where he needed some milk. He bought the more expensive brand. Talked to the clerk about the sardine crisis, there were dying in the Hume River off in the Gollum Valley. The man had a serious and formal countenance, like there was a prune on the top of his lip that he wanted to lick. You know that kind of expression on peoples faces. He was not sure if it had anything to do with him. He was feeling more and more unsure of himself as the conversation continued. Something to do with his social anxiety that had started at puberty.

He wanted to leave by the time the conversation had wound like a manuel clock or a old fashioned phone that would dial up instead of winding up. He walking down the concrete footpath, with various cracks worn into the stone ground. He thought that maybe he could snuggle up in one of them and just die a slow and painful death. He was getting suicidal this early in the morning. O my dear!

He was looking forward to eating the liquorice that he had bought and having a very strong cup of coffee. He would drink 3 or 4 in the space of an hour and wound up hypo-manic, ringing up random people on the phone out of the yellow pages.

The time had come to write and he was hoping that the writers block would not ascend like a villainous scab ready to drown him in dark and black um-bridge. He logged onto his pentium.

The pentium glowed with ultraviolet light, a light that was extraterrestrial.

He wanted to go to the wake of his father, but there were zombies there, or were they figments of his overactive imagination. A bell curve showed he was way above average, especially in English ability, the time had come for a circumcision. As he looked out over the meadows, his eyes fell onto the horizon and he could see all the way to the windy city, sitting with its vertical towers. This was his mind. This is existence. Existence is Purpose. Next Chapter!

2

Goldie was fishing in the pond near the meadow which ran into her mind. Her mind was jewelled and playful and she went through the names of her friends, she was only six: Henry, Gabe, Mitus, Sixteen, they had strange names, she wanted to lick the grass and she did so and it tasted like Sixteen's sweaty forehead. Why was humanity falling into a hole, she mused- it was about time for a new president. She had liquorice blonde hair and played with it and drank seven energy drinks in one day. It made her hypo-manic, she bought a thousand dollars worth of books and was going to read them all in one day.

She had yellow hair and a bracelet, that wound around her neck in gold filament. The time had come for justice to prevail she thought whimsically. Sickness is great to find the time for blown don't you see this is what she was thinking as she fished the pond into oblivion. The mightiest sparrow begets the smallest dolphins. She wanted to break into the castle at the top of moonlight hill in the centre of Berlin. She had a schizophrenic friend called Ralph Blossom or so that is what he said he was called. There was nothing left in her mind, complete emptiness and despair surrounded her head will peaceful daydreams about the wanderers and the colour green, which was the lesbian colour and her favourite colour. She wanted to feel the colours in her heart, she wanted to be surrounded by them like soft butterflies that were multicoloured and diffuse in their ventricle amplitude. She had learned about amplitudes in a dream where she came into contact with a General named Steve from the World War 2. He had come onto her and kissed her hands, they had played monopoly and her was very narcissistic. She thought about her thoughts daily, they were like letters running across her face. She was planning to become the ruler of Prussia, she was working hard on her interpersonal skills and body language, you know associating with people she knew and not letting her thoughts become too disorganised inside her soft hair. She had black hair now as she had dyed it yesterday in a sprint of mania that blossomed inside her feeble mind.

Personality Disorder Criteria

2009-08-29T01:01:00.001-07:00

SCHIZOID PERSONALITY DISORDER characterized by at least 3 of the following:
(a) few, if any, activities, provide pleasure;
No.
 (b) emotional coldness, detachment or flattened affectivity;
Sometimes.
 (c) limited capacity to express either warm, tender feelings or anger towards others;
No.
 (d) apparent indifference to either praise or criticism;
No.
 (e) little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking into account age);
Yes.
 (f) almost invariable preference for solitary activities;
No.
 (g) excessive preoccupation with fantasy and introspection;
Yes.
 (h) lack of close friends or confiding relationships (or having only one) and of desire for such relationships;
Yes.
 (i) marked insensitivity to prevailing social norms and conventions.
Yes.
SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER
(a) inappropriate or constricted affect (the individual appears cold and aloof);

Yes.

(b) behaviour or appearance that is odd, eccentric, or peculiar;

No.

(c) poor rapport with others and a tendency to social withdrawal;

Yes.

(d) odd beliefs or magical thinking, influencing behaviour and inconsistent with subcultural norms;

Yes.

(e) suspiciousness or paranoid ideas;

No.

(f) obsessive ruminations without inner resistance, often with dysmorphophobic, sexual or aggressive contents;

No.

(g) unusual perceptual experiences including somatosensory (bodily) or other illusions, depersonalization or derealization;

No.

(h) vague, circumstantial, metaphorical, overelaborate, or stereotyped thinking, manifested by odd speech or in other ways, without gross incoherence;

Yes.

(i) occasional transient quasi-psychotic episodes with intense illusions, auditory or other hallucinations, and delusion-like ideas, usually occurring without external provocation.

No.

Start of a Novel

2009-08-27T22:24:00.000-07:00

Max opened up the container and starred into the glass, amber and transparent like a pair of googles looking into a stream, filled with fish and little shards sea glass. His eyes would of clogged up, with the limited air not being able to reach them, like when he was a kid at Currimundi and would swim along the rocks of the river and look down at the bream, flathead and mullet swimming furiously half-way down in the 2 meter deep water, the water would be deeper as you swam south, then a sandbank, with glossy white sand, with puddles and children making noises, like birds, bright coloured birds, with some of them missing wings. The fish would swim in multiple directions in a fast succession of time, time would flow on relationally in terms of it's relationships with space. Time was undoubtably a tangled inter-relation he mused whimsically. He was 21, had bright red-dy hair and a very long nose, his nose was oily and cylindrical. He had the disposition of a tortured artist, with his tangled thoughts circling and tormenting him continuously, especially in the night, as night loomed neurotically and signaled his doom filled canopy. He would enter into the metaverse through the glass, the glass had special powers and would transport him into the altered dimensions of the metaverse, where spiralkeets would loom menacing unto the ghost of time laying at the end of block 3B. Block 3B was a portal into the 12th dimension, where the 5 senses were distorted in a uneasy way. He would dream on going into that dimension, his thoughts were lost there, and he was lost. He felt estranged like a leaf floating down delicately into the abyss of uncertainty. He certainly was uncertain, but would dredge deep inspirations from this gap in the fabric. The fabric was not a cloth but was a gateway into the void. He yearned for that certain release that that would bring to him, it was like a trigger inside his head, that would relax him. He had a hypno-therapist that would cajole him to lighten up. She had bright green eyes and was very pretty with a sonorous voice. He yearned for inspiration for his work. He wished to write the best novel of all time, something that would shake up the academics and lay them in his wake. He wrote about a guy that had a hemorrhage, he would describe the pain that he went through, the choking and spewing of vomit. The man was very ill, but before his collapse he would be a bright and lovely man. He wanted to think about the matrix and he did so, he had been diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder and awaiting the screening on Thursday to determine whether he should be involuntary committed. But that bright jewel inside his mind, with all the bright electrons around him, that was what he really desired.

The sun rose over the sterile river of silver, as he drank deeply, feeling connected to oneness, motionless like a bird caught in a current of air and drifting aimlessly into the abyss of his thoughts. Why was he so sad? What is the etiology of madness? It seemed to be located in the serpertines, that coiled metallically and were telling him he was a "sweetie", like his housewife hot and steamy with her pretty hair and big blue eyes, he felt himself harden in the matrix and then a pumping from his penis, the nymph of the metaverse, julister, her bony body contorting against him, it was a pleasant mindfuck!

He drank deeply of his wine and enjoyed the grape essence. The time had come for an exit into space perhaps. Seriously I am not joking, I am talking to your about matters of security and vehemence. What does you father do for a living? he asked politely. He is a locksmith, he creates locks and gets rid of the chewing gum, whereas others are full of debauchery and isolation.

The matrix had become an obsession, an all consuming obsession, that would drain him of his energy, but also light his fire. He was tapping away on the computer with the light on, forlorn boy your mouth drips of putridity.

Delusions and Government

2009-07-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

I don't see why we need to lock people up in prisons. The police force are way too brutal. Although crime is decreasing in many parts of the world, there is no proof that a state of lawlessness would ensue if we decreased our police force. Police should be tackling murders and robbery instead of petty theft and people running traffic lights. This is a anarchist ideal, that we should not impugn upon other peoples rights or space. In a society where we do not lock up the criminals, they would be sent into programs to make them better people. Of course protections would be necessary in this case, but only temporarily depending on how heinous the crime or crimes are. A crime such as rape or murder would require more intensive rehabilitation. While petty theft or road rule violation would be less serious and warrant less rehabilitation. In a anarchist society integration is the key to success. There would be no homeless and much less crime. This is due to the localization of society and the increases in the level of respect shown to each other, with the lack of a controlling and brutal war mongering government.

Mental Health staff treat their patients with patronization and brutality. I don't believe in involuntary commitment. Voluntary commitment is always preferred. People should look after themselves, instead of being forcibly drugged and restrained. Sure if someone is violent (not just threatening violence) they should be locked up but treated with respect. Perhaps a drugs such as Zyprexa or Ativan can be used to calm them down, but only voluntarily and only in the short term, unless the patient wishes otherwise. These drugs can be potentially dangerous and should not be used to brainwash the patient into discarding his/her delusions. Delusions are subjective. What is a delusion in one culture may not be a delusion in a parallel culture. Sometimes the schizophrenic patient has credible evidence that their delusion/delusions are actually occuring. In this case it is mistaken for the psychiatrist/psychologist/case worker or nurse to engage the patient in a argument about the credibility of their delusion.

One of my delusions in retrospect, long after having realized it was a overvalued idea as symptomatic of Pure Obsessional OCD, was that everyone was swallowing their saliva and that I needed to do the same thing. I believed that if the saliva built up in my mouth it would create a cycle of anxiety, leading to more swallowing and reinforcement of the overvalued idea. This probably does not classify as a delusion. My point is that it is better to appease the patient than to anger them and force labels upon them.

Culture specific syndrome does not exist, because things occur universely. You are only sick or delusional if you believe you are ill. It is this belief that determines the reality of your state of mind. Two people may present the same delusion. One may be delusional because they accept they are delusional and the other may not because they have not come to the same acceptance. You can be delusional and know the thought is delusional. In other words there are various degrees of delusion.

I understand while in the throes of a delusion you may not be aware that it is a false belief. When a delusion is fabricated it does not occur organically- it is fabricated from a set of inferences or beliefs about reality that may or may not be falsely upheld by the patient. They patient collects information about their external or internal environment and they create or fabricate a connection between the data that they have perceived inside their minds. Their can be abstract delusions about your thoughts. The mind is not the same as the brain, although they are connected. They rely upon one another. So the delusions or delusion is not based on chemicals in the brain, since it can be expelled from the mind by force if necessary by the patient. Whether the patient knows that they can do this opens up another realm or sphere of discussion all together.

Anarchy and Psychiatry

2009-07-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

-I'm a self declared individualist anarchist and agree with the basic tenets of anarchy. eg. lack of government, direct democracy, eliminating power relationships. I put my belief in the spiritual (chaos magick) however ahead of my anarchist beliefs as my dominate paradigm.

-I'm currently reading the Anarchist FAQ and trying to comprehend this complex political philosophy. I heard most anarchists were atheist so being a believer in the spiritual (through experience and evidence rather than through theory), that is a way I do not fit into the typical idea of a social anarchist.

-I've also toyed with the idea of joining a commune, but am currently comfortable living with my parents.

-Psychiatry does exert power over people and I still think we are currently living in a relatively primitive society that is afraid of change. I've considering becoming more active in my fight for the rights of psychiatric patients and fighting against the debasing and primitive view of these patients as being incapable of making sound decisions as regards to medication and treatment.

First Draft Part 2

2009-07-04T22:10:00.001-07:00

When I awoke I felt a pressure in the back of my head. A kind of heaviness, amplified by my thoughts, or so I thought. I thought of my crush on Jamie from school and also Eliza, being bisexual and having desires for both women and men or girls and boys or gals and guys or whatever duality you want to impose on reality. I decided to make up some chamomile tea and try to forget about the anxiety inside my head. I poured some cool water from the steel tap into the boiling machine and turned the power on, waiting in the cool air, with the laminated wallpapered floor on my feet, sticky with some residue or other. I thought about many things including the protagonist in the Vanishing Acts novel, who I loved by the way and adored like my mother, Elizabeth, who I did not have a crush on. I made some crumpets with a little bit of butter and honey on them, softly chewed them, slowly crunching the crumpets in my mouth which was filling with saliva from my glands under my tongue, sitting down on the black leather lounge, which crumpled under my soft bottom. I felt a little paranoid as always, looking out onto the street with trepidation and anxiety, could they hear my thoughts as I still thought about Eliza and her amazing body, so delicate and perfect, skinny and I could see the gap between her bottom and her shirt as she lent forward and her perfect curves that I wanted to feel with my hands and rub against. The pink sweater with the jeans, it was perfect.

I decided it was time to get ready for school, although I thought the effort involved in this might kill me, literally. I packed all my books, including the notepads and textbooks, lunch box and juice that I had taken out of the refrigerator. I felt odd all of sudden as if everything was like a dream. I needed to sit down. I pressed myself into the couch and waited for it to pass, hopefully it would just go away by itself. I had dealt with depersonalization and derealization before and met a couple of girls online who had flirted with me. It was horrible, like a pressing sensation against the head and like viewing things through a damp mist. Objects blurred into each other and the world seemed like it was entering a apocalyptic time in the not too distant future. I got up and decided to go for Zero Tolerance, just break through it and made it outside the front air into the cold air and wind coming from the trees out the front next to the curb. There was a gum tree and also a lavender tree sitting there luxuriously and pleasantly. I walked along the bitchumen road and came to the curb which I transpassed and walked along the grass towards the road and then onto the school!

First Draft

2009-07-01T17:52:00.001-07:00

Amy was thinking about the numbers of the lotto. If she could find the numbers somewhere inside her head, like they were inserted by a guardian angel then, she would be set. She was so superstitious and believed in telepathy and ESP. She was certain she had Schizotypal Personality Disorder, but had never been diagnosed. Maybe she should go see a therapist and have someone to talk to about her problems? Like the time she thought that her brother was following her. Her parents were concerned about her behavior and her increasing isolation. She sat in her room, about four meters by three meters, facing north, with the pink desktop and pink computer in front of her, geez everything was pink! She found the button on the back of her intel processed computer and pressed it sensitively, like a angel. Her hands were soft and pale- she wore denim shorts and a frail upper body singlet like shirt. She hadn’t said a word in 3 hours. She opened up the Internet Explorer and dove into the world of the wired. Enter the wired! she thought playfully. A stream of nonsense and images came from nowhere into her head. “Shutup!” she said softly, but kinda loudly. “What?” she heard her brother say from the adjacent room. “Never you mind” she replied softly as always. She found the Schizotypal Forum and read the stories sometimes adding comments to them. What was eccentric behavior anyway? Did it need a definition or was she eccentric. She listened to some happy hardcore music. She liked the old disco records that she had inherited from her father, Tom. Tom was tall and a very gentle man. He talked softly too and was a simple person and loved his reception job. She thought that must be boring to work as a receptionist and with people too!

She started to analyse her thoughts in a stream, what was it she was thinking? Could she tell or was it always to be a mystery. She was in the 12th grade and failing at maths; top in the class in English however. Hated grammar and thought that the best writer in the world was Jodi Picoult or maybe the guy that wrote the Schizotypal book. It was on the shelf to her left. It was patterned wood. Not real wood. She was a English nerd and was always thinking about contexts. What did this mean in the context of this. What about intertextuality or acronyms! Ha ha, she thought playfully. She sat there for 3 hours staring at the monitor growing more detached from herself an the world around her. And writing a journal for one of her assignments. Should she pause before writing or just let it flow out of her like sperm? God she wished she had a boyfriend but she alienated them with her stream of consciousness dialogue of her timid thoughts. Off she would go on a tangent. She liked tangents and liked to say the word: she, a lot. But how about that therapist she thought as she typed voraciously: I like to think about sunsets and the rain that comes down from the splendid sky. The blue bright sky as the torrents flow neverending. I look up and the water sprinkles into my eyelids. As I type this I am imagining myself out on our patio in the rain. I can hear the cars going woosh woosh outside on the road to the right side of my body... It didn’t make much sense, just no-sense. She had the feeling there was someone behind her now, she started to whisper: “Go away” and looked into the darkness, searching for something in the ether. What was there? A prickle of panic went up her body and she turned in her seat and saw the outline of a ghost. It was amazing and incredible. Delicate. She got up slowly from the warm seat from her soft body and tried to touch the ghost but nothing was there anymore. It was gone. It had disappeared. She could hear some of her thoughts out loud coming from the sound of the toilet flushing. The water running in concentric circles uncertainly. She got back to her computer and thought about her schedule tomorrow. Multimedia, English, Maths One and a couple of other subjects. Darren had teased her yesterday as she sat in the rain, feeling it run down her shoulders and drenching the cotton of the brown school shirt. Their faces to her left, sitting on the floor of the Drama block, a tree at the end of the block and a few ferns and sticks and grass on the ground. It had felt so surreal to know she was alive and on Earth. Typing, in the darkness, in isolation and feeling so depressed and yet so happy, a tear ran down her face. Why had she been so neglected by her peers an some of her teachers. It was a question that would always run around inside her head. Why did she get picked on so much? It was like a compulsion on their part. She had plenty of compulsions. One of them was scratching her nose. Anyway back to something else. What was the meaning of life? Did it just run on and on with my paranoia driving me nuts. I can't handle this anymore. They're all looking me and I want to take out a gun and annihilate them with the tip of the pistol sticking out and growing cold in the night. I will take the gun and use it for vengeance. Yes, vengeance! Vengeance for all the ways I've been wronged. For that time I tapped my head three times and got persecuted for it. I'm not weird, I'm different and insane as birds in the trees in the night sky, chirping forever.

I go to the toilet and walk through the house and see the garden gnomes outside the window. They look pretty and they make my heart feel light. I feel light as a summer breeze. This constant internal dialogue is charming my mind into submission. I never make any sense. I sit down on the ceramic toilet seat and urinate into the edge of the bowl. I feel tense and uncertain of the outcome of tomorrow. My guardian angel is telling me it will be a wonderful day. I feel very long, even though I am short, my hands feel light and wavy, like shards of shell, sitting on the ocean floor with many little pretty fish ducking down and up, sideways and all around! I finish on the toilet and get up and go to shut my computer down, one step after another in the darkness of the house. The house has 3 bedrooms all adjacent to each other. I can see the knives in the kitchen gleaming under the light of the moon. I am fiddling with my necklace over and over again, another strange habit I have picked up in my childhood years. I think about phoning a therapist tomorrow and telling her all my paranoid social anxieties. I lay down and sit there in a void. In the ether of my mind. I adjust my body on the bed, I cannot have too hands touching my pillow or something bad will happen tomorrow. The TV is still on in the lounge room and I drift off into the nothingness of dreams.

Ryoji Ikeda - Dataplex

2009-06-30T23:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?5zm4mje1ylk (genre: sound art, noise)

Rubric of Doom

2009-06-30T22:36:00.000-07:00

time for the gas mask
I enter into the rubric of doom
awaiting me in the blood filled corridor
nighttime charades
russian roulette dagger hands
a game of chess crisscrossing and
full of the nightmare that is fear
entering the doorway that would lead you back to a life
a life in bright blue room
where you would write and write?
how long can you write?
what will you write?
what does what you write mean?
are you ashamed of what you write?
will people read what you write?
entering the stream of thought inside the parallax that is the indeterminable infinity of the mind
a cessation of the rivers of thought
doomed filled sensations that are not tangible definites
consciously forgetting the unconscious mind traps lead to thoughts about thoughts
insane unforgettable illimitable mind spaced out mind excursions

Now

2009-06-27T02:51:00.001-07:00

Sidling into the eternal night
I meet a fawn
I look it into it’s deep black eyes
although they are invisible
through it’s eyes I see the maker
of everything
a bumpy callous road
stretching onwards always
growing thicker but thinner
at the same time
I must make this trek
to discover
the centre of everything
pure waters and trees and brambles
surrounding this humble road
I am reaching my destination
there is much pain in my heart
but I will make it now
and reach the goal inside my mind

Schismatrix blue bells

2009-06-24T20:56:00.001-07:00

Schismatrix blue bells
love potion dark facial expression
random suicidal sinusoidal cramping
bluebell apron fishwick waxing moon gaping
danger mouse single romanced elite personage

Free Distance Healing and Automatic Writing

2009-05-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

I offer the above for free for anyone interested. Send me a message and I will reply with a Automatic Writing and Distance Healing...

Karlheinz Stockhausen - Kontakte

2009-03-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?glzzyujmzum (genre: avant-garde, classical)